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Monthly Orgasm Glass Round-Up April 8, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Just to refresh everyone’s memory and bring us up-to-date, here is the inventory of the coins in the orgasm glass:

January: 94 cents with 2 quarters, 1 dime, 5 nickels, and 8 pennies

February: 57 cents with 1 quarter, 5 nickels, and 7 pennies

March: 49 cents with 1 quarter, 1 Franc, 3 nickels, and 9 pennies

March was notable because that was the first month with a Franc for a ruined orgasm. It preceded the quarter-worthy real orgasm by about 20 minutes. I wasn’t sure if Ab would be up for it (pun intended) but he met and exceeded all my expectations. His too. 🙂

April has started off spectacularly well with back-to-back dime-earning multiple orgasmic experiences for me. It was nice to discover that Ab’s not the only man out there who is extremely effective at wielding a Hitachi. This is a definite skill that all men, especially chaste men, should have in their sexual repertoire. Believe me, the women in your lives will thank you for it. 😉

And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Chastity Blogging March 25, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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“What happened to Dev?” you might be asking. “She didn’t post for a week!”

Actually, it was ten days. Believe me, I thought about the blog every day, but life—in particular work—had other plans for me.

I am facilitating a big project for a professional organization. It’s a lot of fun but also a lot of work and over the past two weeks it has taken an incredible amount of time (think—every day, evenings, weekends). The good news is that I have managed to stay on track so I am keeping my stress levels under control. The even better news is that the project requires a trip to San Francisco; I’ll be leaving in six days. The best news of all is that Ab is coming with me so we’ll have a mini-vacation. Warm weather, eating out, hotel sex—what more could anyone ask for? Well, Ab might ask for an orgasm or two. We’ll see if that’s in the cards for him. I haven’t made up my mind. 😉

My lack of posting hasn’t meant a lack of chastity, however. Ab’s still a locked boi. Nickels and pennies have been going into the orgasm glass on a regular basis. For Ab, there was a quarter and a franc way back at the beginning of the month but nothing lately. He did take a one-day vacation from his device last Sunday, but not a vacation from being chaste. It was interesting—I saw his Watchful Mistress on the bedside table and I just shrugged. No big deal. A few months ago, I would’ve gotten anxious. It think it’s telling that we’ve gotten to the point where I know and trust that Ab won’t have an orgasm without may say-so and active involvement. I asked him the other day, “Do you miss masturbating?”

“Of course I do,” he replied. “Who wouldn’t?” But missing it doesn’t translate into trying to do something about it behind my back.

I’ve been pondering activities for while we are in SF. I am sure they have much more entertaining toy stores than we have here in Maine. Shopping might be fun—if anyone has any recommendations, please post here. I’ve also thought about a touch of adult entertainment. A million years ago, in Quebec City, we went to a club with “go-go boys” (nude dancing). It was hot and fun and the place was great—a big crowd of men and women, everyone enjoying themselves. I wonder if there is some place like that?

In a different vein, I’ve always wanted to go to the Castro Theater. The day we arrive, Thursday, they will be having a Wizard of Oz singalong at 7 pm! The other option would be to see The African Queen on Sunday afternoon. I really would’ve liked seeing Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure on Friday night but alas, I’ll be working.

I realize I owe my devoted readers some updates—the Fuckzall, Sexy Period panties, and our soon-to-join us new dog. I’ll get to those in the next few days. Right now I need to go to…WORK!

Hugs to all,


The Winter Doldrums February 27, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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It’s official. I am experiencing an advanced case of cabin fever accompanied by severe winter doldrums. It snowed on Friday and it is snowing again today. The world is white, the sky is white–the only color is an olive-green pine tree in the backyard and our blue station wagon in the driveway. I am sick of winter! I am sick of walking gingerly, not knowing if there are icy patches under the snow. I am sick of clearing snow off the car every time I go outside. I am sick of  wearing boots, heavy socks, hats, and gloves. I am sick of all of it!

My outdoor shower seems like a distant memory, as does my deck and my porch. Did I really tie Ab to a chair on the porch and tickle him with an ostrich feather? That seems like it was a few lifetimes past–or at least three chastity devices ago. LOL.

As I was surfing the web to find the picture I used above, I came up with a wide variety of cures for the winter doldrums. Some appeal, others not so much. In no particular order:

  • Bake some “Kick Winter’s Ass Lemon Bars.” These sound really good. I just sent the recipe to Ab.
  • Attend a film festival. That would work if we had a film festival occurring locally. Instead, we may go to the movies.
  • Take a bible study class. Uh, I don’t think so. Not my cup of tea.
  • Look at pictures of naked men. Um, yes, this is more in line with my way of thinking. Interestingly, I don’t see many suggestions for looking at pictures of naked women. What’s up with that? Guys don’t get cabin fever?
  • Buy a meat grinder for the Kitchen Aid mixer and grind some meat. ??? Whatever floats your boat, I suppose.
  • Have a party.
  • Dress up in silly costumes.
  • Turn the party into a costume contest.
  • Dance.
  • Hm, we never had guys like this in our hot tub...

  • Meditate.
  • Soak in the hot tub. That would work if we still had a hot tub….
  • Read a good book. Actually, I am doing that. The sixth book in Jordan Castillo Price’s PsyCop series just came out: GhosTV. I have been eagerly waiting for this ever since I buzzed through all the other books in the series last April. I am struggling between reading this book as fast as I can and trying to draw it out and make it last. That’s part of the reason I took a break to write this blog post.
  • Write a blog post. Check.
  • Email an old friend.
  • Call an old friend.
  • Clean the oven. Not for me but this is what Ab is doing!
  • Balance the checkbook. Pay bills. Seriously? This is supposed to cheer me up? LOL.
  • Get distracted from writing the blog post and read an article in Time on sex addiction.
  • Remind yourself that spring is only 22 days away…on the calendar, at least.

* * * * *

Okay, so now we know from the sex addiction article that men, on average, have three orgasms a week. Ha, that’s what they think! Time for a quick check in the orgasm glass since it’s practically the end of the month.

Last month (January) there was 93 cents: 2 quarters, 1 dime, 5 nickels and 8 pennies. This month the inventory is:

  • 1 quarter (an orgasm in the cage for Ab)
  • 4 nickels
  • 7 pennies

52 cents. Not quite as much activity as last month but then this is a shorter month–and we’re suffering from the winter doldrums. And there are still 36 hours before March officially arrives. Anything can happen in that amount of time, right? 🙂

* * * * *

Time for a glass of wine, I think, and more PsyCop reading. In the comments, please share your sure-fire cures for cabin fever. I’d like to know what works for all of you. Have at it!

Moaning and Groaning February 25, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Ab has been moaning and groaning quite a bit this week and even whimpering.

I like whimpering.

I think I have mentioned before that Ab is not a very vocal chaste guy. I don’t know if he’s stoic or Zen-like, but he tends not to say much. I read about guys begging and pleading with their wives/KHs to be released but I haven’t gotten that sort of behavior from Ab.

Until this week, that is.

To be clear, he hasn’t been begging and pleading—which I am grateful for because I am not sure how I would react to that. But he has been moaning, especially when I am teasing him, and expressing his frustration. I think he’s really at that place where he wants an orgasm but craves denial. And I am happy to keep denying him!

Early morning sex is wonderful for both of us. I feel happy and sated all day. Ab tells me he’s horny all day. Yes, he’s frustrated but he loves that feeling of being on edge. I can ramp it up at 4:30 am and the feeling just stays with him. By the time I get home, he’s willing to do anything for me. It’s amazing how the feedback cycle works. He can’t wank off in the shower (actually he could but he tells me he doesn’t want to, which is also telling) so he just focuses that sexual energy on me. Me, me, me!

It’s been an interesting week. Usually I work until 9 pm on Monday and Thursday, but Monday was the holiday and clinic got cancelled last night, so I’ve been home at reasonable time every night this week. That means we’ve been going to bed together which in turn, means we wake up and snuggle together. (When I have my late evenings, our sleeping schedules do not sync quite as well.) Maybe that’s why I’ve been hearing more moaning and groaning than usual. Whatver the reason, I have definitely been enjoying it. We’ve had quite a few coins go into the orgasm glass, too!

* * * * *

It’s snowing today. I decided yesterday that I would not drive to the office and instead work from home. I have a long list of things to do. My goal is to be very productive this morning so we can play this afternoon, as Ab told me he’d be home at lunchtime. And what sort of play? Either some spa time (my legs need to be waxed and Ab is learning how to do that) or some spanking fun. Or maybe both.

Ab told me that he thought the problem with the Abuddies last week was that I didn’t set it up enough. He likes it if it is a bit more of a “scene” with more preparation and anticipation. He likes being blindfolded, so he doesn’t know what to expect and also to be restrained. I’m a quick learner so he only needs to tell me once! I also need to do a little poking around the house to see what I can find for spanking in addition to the wooden paddle and Abuddies. Wood is good but as I am learning, it provides a particular sensation and I’d like a bit more variety. Something leather and something with tails would be nice. I’ll have to see what I can find. Eventually, I suspect, I’ll do some shopping but for the moment, I’ll see what “pervertibles” I can find hidden in the closet. 🙂

A Snapshot of Sex in the US: 2010 February 19, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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A series of surveys on sexual behavior in the US were published last October in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. I am not sure how I missed this when it came out because I usually pay attention to this sort of thing. Maybe Ab and I were too busy having sex. 🙂  Anyway, I stumbled across it today through an article in Slate. If you want to read all the papers, you can download the journal here; it is available for free until December 2011. (You’ll have to answer a couple of survey questions first.)

The surveys were conducted by researchers at Indiana University. Astute readers will remember that’s where Dr. Alfred C. Kinsey, then a Professor of Zoology, became famous for his groundbreaking research on human sexuality, documented in publications in 1948 and 1953 respectively: Sexual Behavior in the Human Male and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female. Kinsey’s vision continues to this day at IU, through research conducted at the Kinsey Institute and the Center for Sexual Health Promotion. In an editorial that opens the collection, journal editor Irwin Goldstein, MD, comments:

At a time when we can have nudity on HBO but cannot use the names of our genitals on the evening news, there remains a need to continue research on sexual health.

[As an interesting aside, many consider Kinsey to be the first, pioneering researcher in the area of sexuality but two decades earlier, Ernest W. Burgess, PhD, Professor of Sociology at the University of Chicago was undertaking grounded theory research on homosexuality, primarily through participant observation at the “pansy clubs” in Chicago. Burgess’s particular expertise was on marriage and the family but his work on homosexuality was never published. It has only recently come to light from researchers who have been studying his collected papers in the University of Chicago archives.]

I skimmed the articles in JSM. Since I work in a clinic where we care for people with HIV and AIDS, I was interested in the condom surveys. My takeaway: we still need to do more to promote condom use. And, of course, I was interested in the surveys on women.

The big change from the last time this survey was undertaken (1992) is that oral sex is no longer the hot game in town—now anal sex is. Surprise! Slate has an interesting synopsis of the findings, plus speculation on why women like it so much (hint: orgasms) so I won’t repeat it here. But it did cause me to reflect on Ab and me and our enjoyment of anal sex. This has been on my mind for a few days, prompted first by a question on the Chastity Forum and then by a blog post from L&N.

If you recall from this earlier post, I said I go through phases and one of those was my Brokeback Mountain phase. That was probably the time that we started experimenting with butt sex. No, we weren’t trying to be Jack and Ennis! LOL. I was hanging out on a couple of different Brokeback forums, however, and there was lots of discussion of sex, gay and otherwise. That was the first time in my life I had ever been in a community of people who were talking about sex in very intimate and frank detail. A lot of “Brokies” were married, straight women (myself included). All this talk about butt fucking naturally led to experimentation which was reported in (sometimes excruciating) detail. Unfortunately, many of these women tried anal intercourse with their husbands à la Ennis, that is, some spit in the hand and no warming up. It was not, as you can imagine, a satisfactory experience.

Fortunately for me, I had been reading Dan Savage for a few years at that point, so I knew a bit more about what to do, which is: 1) you can’t use too much lube; 2) take it slow; and 3) start small. And if you are us, maybe stay small. Ab once confessed a fisting fetish to me and although I think the concept is hot, I don’t think, realistically, it is ever going to happen.

I was thinking back to 1992. Was oral sex the big thing for us then? Actually, that’s when our children were toddlers so at that time, sex in general was sort of rare and anything was a big deal. 🙂 But truth be told, oral had been on the sexual menu forever. Enjoyment of anal sex is newer, though, which puts us/me in line with the survey findings.

For those who might be interested in experimenting but are still a little hesitant, consider this comment from William Saletan at Slate:

Anal sex, more so than vaginal sex, seems to correlate with intimacy and commitment.

That certainly aligns with a chastity perspective. There were also comments from readers that reinforce our chastity experience: anal sex requires more time and attention to the woman, a long-drawn out period of foreplay, as it were. Men who derive pleasure from their wife’s/partner’s orgasm also commented that they were anal sex proponents. What didn’t get said was if men were willing to forego an orgasm in lieu of their partner’s pleasure. However, here in the Devoted Lover household, we know that’s the case. 🙂

Quotes From Ab: XV February 9, 2011

Posted by Dev in Quotes from Ab.
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A nickel went into the orgasm glass this morning, and this note was waiting for me on the kitchen table when I got up (along with my grapefruit juice). ‘Nuff said. 🙂

Our Sexual Evolution February 7, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Back in August, when we started on our chastity journey, one of the first things I did was read Sarah Jameson’s book, Be Careful What You Wish For. It’s a good book and I certainly recommend it, as I said in this review. One concept that was new to me, however, and which Sarah discussed quite a bit, was the idea of tease and denial.

I can hear you snickering now. “You didn’t know about teasing?”

Well, of course I did. The thing is, I called that foreplay. And foreplay needed to be followed by middleplay and endplay. In other words, we’d do lots of teasing but eventually we got to the main event: intercourse. I had orgasms on a somewhat inconsistent basis. For a long time Ab always did get to come but as I have related, in recent years that was a problem—one that became more apparent as we started in with chastity.

So, I had to reframe my thinking around tease and denial.

Once I discovered that Ab’s mantra, “Your pleasure is my pleasure” was true, I started getting selfish. I’d tease him and make him moan and groan, but every single sexual encounter had to end with me having an orgasm. And it was pretty great. I’d hazard a guess that I had more orgasms from September through January (five months) than I had in the previous five years.

Maybe I overdid it or got a little punch drunk from the experience, but things seem to be shifting here in February.

We’re still having lots of sex but I am realizing it’s okay for me to be teased, too. I don’t have to get all the way to orgasm. In fact, here it is, February 7th and so far, only a nickel has gone into the orgasm glass this month. But I am still having lots of fun and getting teased and feeling all tingly and hot all over. I am not complaining about the lack of orgasms but realizing that it seems to be a shift in the way we do things in bed.

(I find I am also fantasizing a lot more about spanking Ab and getting myself really hot with that idea.)

The other day, I downloaded and read the sample of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson. I am not sure I am going to buy the book and read the whole thing because frankly, it seems like one of those books that has one basic idea that is repeated ad infinitum for 400+ pages. (Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá had the same problem, which is why I gave up reading that about one-third of the way in. But I digress.) Anyway, Robinson’s thesis is that what we typically engage in is procreative, that is, orgasmic sex. She advocates, instead, bonding-based sex which is non-orgasmic but still mutually satisfying. Bonding-based sex is advantageous because it alters the release of various hormones and chemicals in our bodies which in turn affects our mood. Kelmag wrote a very good synopsis of all of this on his blog which you can read here; Robinson and her husband Gary maintain a website called Reuniting where they also expound on their ideas.

Living with a mostly non-orgasmic man for the past six months, I can certainly see changes in his demeanor which may very well be the result of internal biochemical changes. The thing that is surprising to me is that I suddenly seem to be moving in the same direction—or at least okay with the idea. That’s a change that has occurred and been noticeable to me in the past week or so.

Is this a true shift or just the by-product of a long winter with a serious case of cabin fever? Who knows. Time will tell.

The thing that is interesting to me as I move through this process is that I am having a greater awareness of how different activities, such as spanking, can be intensely erotic. I didn’t completely understand that before but my mind is opening more to these experiences as part of our sexual repertoire.

Comments, as always, are welcome particularly because this is area I am still working through in my mind and I suspect I will be revisiting within the blog.

When You Are Struggling With Denial January 25, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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This is for the ladies. When you are struggling with denial, have an “Ah-ha!” moment like I did this morning.

I have mentioned before that Ab used to wake up and masturbate next to me while I pretended to be asleep. How often did this happen? He says it was much less frequent than what I remember. Certainly not daily and maybe as rare as every week or two. Then he had his solo sessions in front of his computer, which were also on an “as needed” basis.

Compare that to now. He wakes up at 4 am. He turns into me, I shift position and he latches onto my breast. Oh, God how we both love suckling! That sets the mood, brings us slowly to consciousness. I reach for his cock, feeling the metal of his Watchful Mistress that is warm from a night of sleeping. I squeeze and caress, feeling the thickening and engorging in his scrotum. His hand drifts to my pussy and begins to play. How long does this go on? It depends on our mood, how early it is, and what the day ahead holds for us. Some days we both get edged and leave it there. But most days, the Hitachi comes out and I start my day with a lovely orgasm.

How often does this happen? At least three or four times a week.

Now, ask yourself: what would any red-blooded, living, breathing, sentient male prefer? A solo masturbation session maybe once or twice a week culminating in a spurt, or making love to a warm, soft, sensuous woman three for four times a week with orgasm denied? I think (correct me if I’m wrong, guys) that the latter is definitely more appealing.

Ladies, every time you struggle with orgasm denial, remember this.

And, remember this text message that I just received:

When I give you an orgasm in the morning, I end up horny all day.

Ah. Bliss!

* * * * *

I passed a milestone yesterday: 100,000 pageviews of the blog! And today is my five month anniversary—I posted my first post on August 25, 2010. I am remembering the hot weather and sitting on my porch with the computer. Now it is cold (very cold) and snowy. But, five months from now it will be summer, warm, I’ll be on the porch and I suspect—we’ll still be chaste. “Ain’t no reins on this one,” as Ennis Del Mar has famously said. 🙂

Thanks to everyone who supports the blog by reading, commenting, and subscribing. I am so glad you are interested in the journey that Ab and I am on and I thank you for your gift of time and trust.

Hugs to all,


After Birthday Wrap-Up January 19, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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I meant to write this yesterday but life got in the way. Funny how that happens.

First off, a very gracious THANK YOU from Ab for all the birthday greetings that were posted on the blog. He appreciated everyone’s kind words and well wishes. I suggested to him that perhaps he should log on and thank everyone himself, but he demurred, pointing out that I am the writer in the family. Okay, fair enough.

(As an aside, it got me thinking about our slave game. If he really was a slave, then I wouldn’t have asked him to post, I would have demanded. If he had the temerity to refuse, then I would have had to discipline him for his disobedience and I still would have insisted that he write the message. And on and on…thank God that’s not the way we are playing!)

Second, if anyone is curious, his birthday dinner ended up being filet of sole almondine with boiled new potatoes, peas, and a baguette. Yum! I had a laugh at the fish market: the sole was described as being “wild, North Atlantic…” I pictured a bunch of wild, kinky soles and flounders bogeying down in the depths of the cold North Atlantic. LOL.

Ab had a 24 hour birthday vacation from his Watchful Mistress. Yesterday, a quarter went into the orgasm glass. Yes, just a quarter—no penny, nickel, or dime for me. Early in the morning (our favorite time) we had very traditional intercourse, which was nicely orgasmic for Ab but not particularly arousing for me. He tried to finish off the job with the Hitachi but I just wasn’t that wound up—then the dog started agitating to go out. So that was that. Thinking about it afterwards, I think another piece of the puzzle was that Ab was satisfied so getting me off was sort of secondary. I am not saying this as a criticism, just an observation—but it is very interesting to me how our dynamic has changed over the past six months. Changed for the better, I might add. The other thing that happened was that I very consciously would not let myself fake an orgasm. That’s another decision I made a few months ago: no more faking for this former faking orgasms addict. It hasn’t really been a problem but Tuesday morning, the urge to fake came on strong but I wouldn’t let myself. I felt really good about not faking which is probably why I am okay that just a quarter went into the glass and nothing for me. I know I have plenty of coins coming up.

All in all, a successful birthday and successful presents. Ab has been wearing his collar continuously since Friday, even in the shower, which is a surprise to me. In fact, he was wearing it when he stopped by to see my mother the other day and told her it was a birthday present. So, when I said he’d never wear it in front of her, I was wrong! She thought it was very attractive. She also thinks the comfy kilt is a great idea and complimented me on my ingenuity for gifts this year.

* * * * *

Milestone: I realized that Sunday, January 16 was our five month chastity anniversary. Only five months? It seems so much longer! In that time, Ab has had six orgasms: two in October, one in November, one in December, and two in January. The Watchful Mistress is back on until—? Who knows. All I can say is, when the time is right, he’ll be released.

Becoming Equally Invested January 6, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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As has been noted on many blogs and forum posts, it seems that in the vast majority of cases, it is the man who first discovers chastity and brings up the idea to his wife/girlfriend. Ab and I are the exception—it was my idea. I know there are other couples out there like us—women have written to tell me so. I wonder if there is anyone where the idea occurred simultaneously where the light bulb went off over the man and woman’s head at the same time? It seems sort of doubtful but I thought I’d throw the question out there to see if anyone says yes, that’s what happened to us.

I bring this up because I know one things couples struggle with—it is certainly on my mind—is the notion of the “introducing partner” being more interested and invested in chastity. This can result in a certain level of insecurity, ie, will the day come when Ab says, “Dev, I don’t want to play anymore”? In fact, at the beginning of our chastity exploration we agreed that we’d try it until the end of the year, then that date got extended until March. For now, we’re playing by the rule that as long as we’re having fun, we can keep going. That is working for both of us and no end is in sight. This is good.

Even so, I still feel twinges of insecurity. I’m not exactly sure why since Ab is playing along completely by the guidelines we’ve established. He has his daily break but other than that, he’s locked up. I haven’t seen an unlocked cock since Christmas. My slight anxiety certainly has a benefit for Ab in that I work to keep sexual interest and attention high—that translates to lots of teasing, lots of intimacy, and lots of making love—albeit sans orgasm for Ab.

For the male-introducing couples, I know that men struggle with feeling like they are pressuring their wives or whining or begging for orgasms too much. They also worry that their wives will feel like chastity is “one more thing”—one more thing to worry about, whether that is teasing or paying attention. Locked men don’t like feeling neglected and asking for attention cycles back into pressuring. I can appreciate that it’s a fine line to find the right balance.

I had an interesting twinge yesterday. We had a particularly hot lovemaking session (it rated a nickel into the orgasm glass) at our usual 4:30 am time. Ab seemed more frustrated than I sensed before—more moaning, more groaning and he even mumbled, “Can’t I take this off? Can’t I have a turn?”

For introducing-men, they tell their keyholders that they want to be denied—don’t give in to their begging and pleading. But what about me? Does Ab really want to be denied or would he rather that I acquiesce to his request?

For the record, I didn’t. But afterwards, as we lay together and drifted off for a few more minutes sleep before the day began in earnest, I heard several loud, audible sighs. Were these sighs of frustration? Annoyance? Should I have pulled out the screwdriver and taken the Watchful Mistress off?

Two hours later, worry that I had “done something wrong” was further reinforced when I came into the kitchen. As I have mentioned before, Ab leaves for work quite a while before I get up. Every morning he leaves me a glass of grapefruit juice on the kitchen table next to my computer. He’s done this for years—way before chastity came into our lives. But yesterday—no juice. “Shit!” I thought. “Is he really pissed at me? Should I have let him come?”

This was on my mind all day. I didn’t want to text him or discuss on the phone—if this was a really big issue, I thought it was best that we have a face-to-face conversation. So I managed to contain myself until I got home—but I also managed to get myself home a little bit earlier than usual.

When I arrived, everything seemed completely normal. Ab was locked up and puttering around the kitchen. He poured me a glass of wine and asked me about my day. Finally, I screwed up my courage and said, “Are you mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you? What makes you think that?”

“You didn’t leave me a grapefruit juice this morning. That’s the first time in ages there hasn’t been a glass on the table.”

“You’re right. I didn’t.” He looked surprised.

“I thought maybe we were out of juice but then there was a carton in the refrigerator so I thought maybe you were mad.”

“If I were mad, would I have spent 45 minutes giving you a fabulous orgasm?”

“You seemed to enjoy it too…”

“Of course I enjoyed it. I enjoy all sexual attention and interaction. That’s a given.”

“Well, okay then…”

I paused, wondering what to say. The grapefruit juice was just forgotten, not a spiteful sign of anger. What about the post-coital sighs?

Meanwhile, Ab was telling me about his day—his ongoing frustration with a damaged UPS delivery and some other production problems. Then it hit me. He wasn’t sighing because of non-orgasmic frustration, he was sighing in anticipation of a difficult day ahead. I have to remember that sometimes, it’s not all about me.

I let the conversation go at that point. Maybe I should have brought up my concern that he really wants to come but wait a minute—that’s my job as keyholder, right? To keep that level of frustration at its horny peak. Perhaps what I am struggling with is that this is the first time I’ve really heard the frustration. All these months he’s been quite sanguine about the whole thing. Yesterday was a different experience.

Different, and once I got past my confusion and understood what was going on, very good.

And maybe, just maybe, we are getting to the point of being equally invested.