the key is on my nipple ring

Stages of Acceptance and Eroticizing the Mundane February 13, 2011

Two disparate trains of thought have been running through my mind over the past few days. I have been trying to pull them together because they seem to be related. Let me share them with you.

The first idea I was had to do with the various stages of acceptance a person goes through to accept chastity—or any fetish or kink that his/her partner may present. The scenario that I read most commonly usually has the man presenting an idea to his wife/girlfriend. Rarely do I see that these women are immediately accepting—in fact they may be totally opposed to the notion. The stages seem to be:

• Total confusion
• Shocked
• Weirded out (may be as extreme as total revulsion)

  

  If the woman is moving to be GGG (good, giving, game) then

• Laissez-faire
• Cautiously curious
• Grudging acceptance
• Enthusiastic participant

From what I have read, some women may stay in the first three stages in an endless loop. Their attitude seems to be, “I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t understand why you want to do that, it’s just weird.” The man, in response, becomes defensive, dejected, perhaps angry or depressed. He may move into “stealth mode” meaning he will participate in the activity, unbeknownst to his wife. Clearly none of this is psychologically healthy for either person.

If the wife decides she is willing to entertain the idea, she moves to the next series of steps. “Laissez-faire” is characterized by an “Okay, if you want to, but don’t ask me to be involved” attitude. Her husband, happy now that he is able to do what was previously forbidden let’s her know that he is grateful; this in turn triggers a cautious curiosity and tentative willingness to learn more. “Grudging acceptance” in chastity might be characterized by, “I’ll take the key but don’t expect much else” or, “I’m willing to play along with this according to some specific ground rules.” The final stage, wherein issues are resolved, is when the wife becomes an enthusiastic participant. This is what I was touching on in this post where I explored the concept of being equally invested.

How long does this take? That is totally individual. It might be years, or maybe a few months. In some couples it may occur fairly quickly.

Kelmag’s blog, Secret Chastity Husband, seems to chart this process quite well. At first, his wife had no interest and in fact, thought that the whole idea was pretty awful. He went into stealth mode—just look at the title of his blog! But they were able to work through their issues and have gotten to what seems to be grudging acceptance. (I know kelmag reads my blog so I’m sure he’ll correct me if I have mischaracterized what he and his wife have gone through.)

I tried to apply this to Ab, me, and chastity. It didn’t entirely work but it wasn’t completely off the mark. One of the big differences was that I introduced the idea to him and—well, frankly, guys have sex on the brain, right? And if his wife brings up a sort of kinky, hot idea, isn’t the husband likely to go along? Ab was confused, at first—he’d never heard of chastity, after all—but quickly moved to the curious stage. Now he is very much an enthusiastic participant, as am I.

All of this got me thinking about other things he had expressed interest in, things I might not have been as willing to accept. I have mentioned before that Ab has a touch of cross-dresser in him—and I wasn’t all that enthusiastic. I’ve tried to analyze my reluctance and I think it’s the fact that he’s a masculine guy and I like masculine men. I had no interest him wearing a wig, make-up, or lacy, frilly women’s clothes. But it was an interest of his and I suspect he might have had some stealth moments that I wasn’t aware of. Either way, he didn’t force the issue and I didn’t bring it up.

This issue has been on my mind more in recent months. I mean, he’s got five ounces of metal screwed on his cock and balls because that’s what I want, so, perhaps I should try to be slightly more accommodating of what he wants. That was the genesis of the idea of a kilt for his birthday—manly enough for me but it’s still a skirt, which gives him that cross-dressing thrill. As a matter of fact, the kilt has been a huge success, so much so that I’m thinking of getting him another one. Not just a comfy kilt to wear around the house, but one of the “real” ones that he can wear out and about. Are you listening to me, Ab? 🙂

He likes wearing the kilt and it makes him happy, so I began to think about another item of clothing that would be manly enough for me and womanly enough to tickle his fetish bone. He off-handedly mentioned having a maid’s outfit for when he does chores around the house. I certainly wasn’t into a black satin thing with layers of petticoats (what maid really dresses like that, anyway?) but something utilitarian would be fine. Once again, Amazon is my friend. I ordered up the housekeeping dress pictured above. It fits well and looks quite nice on him, actually. And when he puts it on, he moves into full housekeeper mode: today he cleaned the house from top to bottom, fixed the drain on the sink, figured out what’s wrong with the broken dishwasher (and we ordered up the necessary part), cooked me a delicious lunch (homemade tomato soup with cheddar-sausage balls on the side) and has a delicious dinner (braised short ribs) bubbling away in the crockpot. Oh, and he washed the dishes because the dishwasher is kaput at the moment.

All this because of a $35 dress? I should have bought one years ago. Oh well, live and learn.

As I was puzzling this out, I read this blog post from Celtic Queen and had an “A-ha!” moment. Sexualizing or eroticizing the mundane. As I said above, guys have sex on the brain. As Celtic Queen discovered, and now I have too, we can use this to our advantage.

To women out there who might be resisting chastity, for whatever reason: try to get over that GGG hump and let your man enjoy it. You may end up with a clean house in the process.