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One Million Wackadoodles February 29, 2012

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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There’s a group out there called “One Million Moms” but you can see from my title above what I really think they should be called. The Moms have banded together to protect all of us, especially our children, from the filth that is invading American society–filth such as “immorality, violence, vulgarity and profanity.” Their strategy is to identify this loathsome stuff and then begin a letter writing campaign, usually accompanied by a boycott.

The OMM (and it should be noted, they are about 957K members short of their stated membership goal) first came to my attention when they mounted a boycott of J.C. Penney for hiring Ellen DeGeneres as a spokesperson. Their rationale?

Funny that JC Penney thinks hiring an open homosexual spokesperson will help their business when most of their customers are traditional families. More sales will be lost than gained unless they replace their spokesperson quickly. Unless JC Penney decides to be neutral in the culture war then their brand transformation will be unsuccessful.

That campaign didn’t go quite the way they expected. Instead of getting Ellen fired, she has been firmly supported by the store. Ellen went on her show and spoke of their support, saying,  “They [One Million Moms] wanted to get me fired and I am proud and happy to say that J.C. Penney stuck by their decision to make me their spokesperson.” You can see the video clip here. A fan started a Facebook page, One Million People Who Support Ellen for J.C. Penney, which right now has 194K likes.

Next those silly Moms decided to go after Archie because the latest issue features “a same sex wedding on the cover.” Now, interestingly, the Moms didn’t tell people not to buy the comic, but rather, to boycott Toys ‘R’ Us because they are selling the comic “openly” (? not sure how you sell a comic any other way, but whatever) at the front near the cash registers. Again, their rationale for this:

 Unfortunately, children are now being exposed to same-sex marriage in a toy store. This is the last place a parent would expect to be confronted with questions from their children on topics that are too complicated for them to understand. Issues of this nature are being introduced too early and too soon, which is becoming extremely common and unnecessary.

I went home and told Ab about this and he looked at me like I was crazy. “Dev,” he said, “if I was going to buy a comic book, the last place I would consider going to is Toys ‘R’ Us.” Good point, Ab.

Meanwhile, the CEO of Archie comics, John Goldwater, stands by the issue and characters, issuing this statement:

We stand by Life with Archie #16. As I’ve said before, Riverdale is a safe, welcoming place that does not judge anyone. It’s an idealized version of America that will hopefully become reality someday. We’re sorry the American Family Association/OneMillionMoms.com feels so negatively about our product, but they have every right to their opinion, just like we have the right to stand by ours. Kevin Keller will forever be a part of Riverdale, and he will live a happy, long life free of prejudice, hate and narrow-minded people.

Now, I should point out something about how the comic is distributed. Even though this is the February 15th issue, it has been on the newstand since January 15th. The March 15th issue began distribution on February 15th. What do you want to bet those silly Moms will take credit for their boycott being effective and claim that the comic was removed at their behest?

Just when I thought they couldn’t get any wackier, they decided to go after Liquid-Plumr because Clorox (parent company of L-P) has created an ad with “two sexy plumbers.”  And boy, are the Moms indiginant: “They are attempting to use sex to sell a product to unclog drains!” Gasp! The horror!

God forbid they point a link to the ad so someone could watch it and make up her mind about its inappropriateness–rather, they write a second-by-second description of what goes on:

The commercial starts off with a woman in a supermarket daydreaming about what this new Liquid-Plumr product has to offer. She says, “Double impact,” twice as she reads the bottle. In her dream she is at home and answers the door to find a sexy plumber. The plumber is nice looking with huge biceps and a tight shirt. He says, “I’m here to snake your drain.” She says come on in and he walks upstairs. The doorbell rings again and it is a second sexy plumber. He says, “I’m here to flush your pipe.” She answers with an okay and while he walks on upstairs she lets out a squeal and moan while letting down her hair. Then she wakes up to reality to find the two men in the supermarket. She flirts by giving sexy eyes to the one man in the deli slicing meat and the other in produce holding two melons. These two men are the same as in her dream. It may be coincidence, but the man in produce is standing beside cucumbers with a price sign behind him reading 69 cents.

Now my question is, how many times did this concerned Mom have to watch this ad to come up with this level of detail? And, as a Facebook friend pointed out, they picked up on details that would probably completely bypass the casual viewer. I certainly didn’t notice the 69 cent sign on my first, er, third, er, tenth viewing. 🙂

Since I’m not shy about what’s in the ad, here’s a link:   Enjoy. The plumbers are sexy and the woman with the plugged drain is pretty cute too, in a Tina Fey sort of way.

I have to say, I wonder what on earth those Moms would think of a woman who keeps her husband locked in a chastity device and can’t remember the last time he had an orgasm. Hmmm…. 😉

Swinging Shenanigans in Southern Maine October 29, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Isn't this the kinkiest place you've ever seen?

The paper has been all a-buzz this week with front page stories four days in a row–with two on Thursday–about swinger parties being held at a function hall in Sanford, Maine. Gasp! Can you imagine? Sex acts, people in the nude, doing God knows what near the food! It seems like the food was the most problematic issue, at least for some people. LOL.

Here are links to the various stories:

Sanford Orders Caterer to Stop Sex Parties at Banquet Hall (Tuesday)

Caterer Promises to Stop Sanford Sex Parties (Wednesday)

Caterer Tells Town Sex Parties Will Stop (Thursday)

Sex Parties Cause Banquet Hall Patrons to Flee (Thursday)

Fundraiser Moved Out of Sex Party Site (Friday)

Another view of the place where all kinds of kinky shit was going on!

It’s nice to know that the police and town officials are “keeping me safe” by imposing their Puritanical views on me (and everyone else) and assuming that we’d all be as appalled as they are about the notion of swinger parties behind held at night, behind closed doors, in a private venue. Guess what? I’m more appalled at their assumptions that I’d have a problem with this.

You’ve got to wonder how people’s minds work, though. Consider the following tidbit, published on Thursday.

Town officials are so concerned that residents may be offended at the prospect of voting where sex parties occurred that they are directing Ward 7 voters to cast ballots Nov. 8 at the Ward 3 polling place, at the St. Ignatius Gym on Riverside Avenue.

“Not knowing what might be present or how clean the hall might be, we moved the polling place in case anyone might be uncomfortable voting there,” said Town Clerk Sue Cote.

Seriously? Exactly what might be present? Cooties? A used condom? (Gasp!!). I imagine that the owners have a cleaning crew that comes in and knows how to wield a mop and squeegee. I would also hazard a guess that the place is more of a wreck after a wedding or raucous family reunion than it is after a swinger party.

Careful readers will note that the police and town officials fall back on their tried and true canard that it would never be the good people of Maine who would engage in such lascivious activities–of course it is folks from away, specifically Massachusetts. The police used their very best detective skills to ferret out that bit of evidence by looking at the license plates of the cars in the parking lot. They “all” were from Massachusetts. Again, seriously? Every last one? No horny kinky folks from New Hampshire? Or Maine? LOL.

Dan Savage had a very funny headline in his blog which I just had to share with you:

People Who Live In Massachusetts Are Big Fucking Sex Crazed Slut Monsters and Their Creepy Erections, Slutty Vaginas, Freaky Accents, and Parked Cars Are Totally Grossing Out the Good People of Sanford, Maine

You can read the whole thing here.

As someone said in the comments, I so hope that Jon Stewart picks this one up. 🙂

(Un)Safe Sex with a Sawzall March 5, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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After my post yesterday about the incident at Northwestern University, I wondered if Ab would come home with his Sawzall. He didn’t but he did send me a few links for Sawzall adpaters, designed to turn them into fucking machines or the more colorfully named, Fuckzall. Apparently this is what was used in the demonstration sex act for the optional after class viewing opportunity. How did he know about these and I didn’t? He gave me some vague answer that he read about them on Gizmodo. Um, right…

Maybe I am kinkier than I realize, but I think the idea of a Fuckzall is fucking hot. 🙂 I’ve seen Ab’s Sawzall but I have never held the thing. I wonder how slow it can go? Or how fast?

To cure his cabin fever, he decided to renovate one of our bathrooms. He tore everything out, assessed what he needed and then we headed off to Home Depot to buy paint and a new toilet. He also told me that he needed a new Ryobi drill because the charger on the one we have had died.

Because of his work, Ab owns a zillion tools, power and otherwise. Most of them are at the shop and he brings them home when needed here for a project, but we have a few things that are kept at the house, including this particular drill. I have absolutely no clue what’s what and on the rare occasion I need to do something, like hammer a tack, I ask him for the tool and it appears in my hand. To be honest, the more likely scenario is that I tell him, “That tack needs to be hammered” and it gets done without any other intervention from me. The point is, I don’t have a mental inventory of the tools that we own.

Anyway, because Ab does discuss spending money with me, even though I am clueless about the tools around the house, he brought up this drill. He tells me he could buy a drill by itself or he could be a kit which includes a drill, flashlight, and reciprocating saw. Reciprocating saw? The Ryobi version of the Sawzall? My eyes lit up. “And the saw would be battery powered, too, like the drill?” Yes, he said. Okay, now I’m really interested.

At Home Depot, he finds one version of the drill package that includes the drill, flashlight, circular saw, reciprocating saw and a carryall bag for $149. He’s convinced that he saw one at the other Home Depot (when Ab gets into a renovation project, Home Depot becomes his home away from home) that was only $119 and didn’t include the circular saw.

“Go ahead and buy the kit,” I said, thinking of the Fuckzall adapter I have already ordered from Extreme Restraints. (I told you I thought it was hot!)

“No, no,” he said. All he really needed was the drill and a new charger. He could use our existing flashlight on the charger and he really didn’t need another circular and reciprocating saw. He could buy the drill for $49 and save one hundred bucks.

Damn! No battery operated reciprocating saw.

The kicker was, when he got home he found out the charger for the new drill isn’t the same as the old drill, so he can’t charge the flashlight! WTF!

He tells me that he has a different charger at the shop he can bring home so we’ll still have a flashlight but no battery operated saw. Well, I guess I can always go shopping. 😉

* * * * *

If Ab goes after me with the Fuckzall (although I like the thought of doing him…hee hee hee) you can be sure I’ll be checking and double-checking the device to make sure the saw is off and the adapter is on. God knows that this moron was thinking when he put a rubber dildo over the saw, stuck it in his wife, and then proceeded to shred her vagina to ribbons. From Baynet.com:

On March 9, the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office was notified of a Lexington Park, Maryland woman, reportedly aged 27, who was flown to Prince George’s Hospital for an injury which occurred on March 8, as a result of a sexual act involving the use of a reciprocating saw.  The original 911 call was dispatched as a medical emergency.

A man told authorities that he had placed a sex toy on a saber saw blade and that the blade had sawed through the plastic and severely wounded the woman. Trooper 7 transported the woman to PG Hospital. The case remains under investigation at this time. No word on the condition of the woman at this time.

This was two years ago (2009). I wonder what shape she is now and if they’ve played with the Fuckzall since then? LOL.