jump to navigation

Letter to the Editor November 6, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , , , , ,
7 comments

To the Editor:

I report herein an interesting case study of non-pharmacologic treatment of erectile dysfunction in an otherwise healthy 57 year old man.

The patient was referred to me by his primary care provider for evaluation and treatment of erectile dysfunction (ED). The PCP had prescribed 50 mg of sildenafil citrate (Viagra) and while it was effective, the patient did not like the side effects (dizziness, flushing, headache). At a lower dose of 25 mg the patient still complained of side effects and had poorer quality erections. He was then referred to me for evaluation.

Past medical history was unremarkable except for a varicocelectomy at age 23. The patient subsequently fathered two children whilst in his thirties. The patient denied any ongoing medical problems including diabetes, hypertension, respiratory difficulties or neurologic changes. The patient was not taking any prescribed medications. OTC he takes omeprazole (Prilosec) and an occasional acetaminophen for headache. He denies use of recreational drugs. He does not smoke. He admits to social alcohol consumption. Physical examination was grossly normal.

Sexual history: patient is in a longstanding and loving marriage of 32 years. His wife is healthy. They have sex one to two times per week, usually initiated by the patient. Patient stated that he did not always achieve a full erection which seemed to disappoint and, at times, displease his wife. Upon further questioning, patient admitted to daily masturbatory activity, usually in private. Typically, he masturbated to orgasm using only his hand.

Based on my evaluation, I concluded that his regular masturbatory habit was likely interfering with his erections when he desired to have sex with his wife. Given that he had negative sequelae with sildenafil citrate, I doubted that a trial of tadalafil (Cialis) would be any more effective or acceptable to the patient. Thus I suggested a period of abstinence from self-stimulation and orgasm. I explained to the patient that he did not need to abstain from sexual activity, only from daily masturbation and orgasm, either alone or with his wife. I further explained that this abstinence could be accomplished voluntarily although some men opted to use a mechanical device to prevent them from touching their genitals and achieving erection and orgasm. Lastly, I explained that the process might require several weeks to evaluate its success as opposed to minutes when using a phosphodiesterase type 5 inhibitor. The patient verbalized understanding and agreed to a trial. Follow-up was scheduled for three months.

Upon his return to my office, the patient informed me that he had, in fact, purchased a commercially made “chastity device” (CB-6000s, manufactured by A.L. Enterprises, Inc., Price, Utah). He subsequently purchased a second device (the “Jailbird,” manufactured by Mature Metal, Midland, Texas) because his wife found the polycarbonate of the CB esthetically displeasing. His initial period of abstinence from orgasm was 60 days. Note that I did not suggest this time interval. This was a decision made by the patient and his wife.

Upon release from the device, the patient was able to achieve an erection and orgasm although he rated the quality of the erection as “average” and the intensity of the orgasm as “mediocre.” He attributed this to personal stress as well as unrealistic expectations from both his wife and himself as to what they would experience after such a lengthy period of denial. After a 24 hour period of release he returned to wearing the metal device on a continuous basis.

After a 20 day period of abstinence from orgasm the patient was awakened from his sleep by his wife who was stimulating his genitals with her hand. He noted at this time he was wearing a locked cock ring which provided total access to his penis. As an aside, he noted that his wife had become quite enamored of his chaste state and had requested that he wear a device on his genitalia at all times except when she determined otherwise. He had agreed to this. It was at this time that the purchase of the cock ring, also manufactured by Mature Metal, was made.

On the morning in question, the patient was successfully stimulated to orgasm by his wife, although they used a technique colloquially known as a “ruined orgasm.” This was a mutual decision as his wife was menstruating and unable to have intercourse. A ruined orgasm, for those not familiar with the term, is one in which the man ejaculates but does not have the explosive release and subsequent sexual satisfaction as with a traditional orgasm. Still, the patient reported that the experience was quite pleasurable and he would be interested in repeating it. More importantly, he reported that the quality of his erection was “excellent.” He estimated his penis to be 5.5″ in length and 1.5″ in diameter. He was able to maintain his erection through his entire time of stimulation and beyond. He did note that the cock ring might have some effect on his erectile quality and wondered if he would be able to wear it during intercourse without injuring his wife. I demurred to answer that question.

In addition to being able to achieve and maintain an erection, the patient noted that overall, the quality of his sex life had improved dramatically during the three month trial. He reported increased sexual activity, greater intimacy, improved communication, and in general, greater feelings of affection, tenderness, and closeness with his wife. He reports that she is also experiencing these same feelings and seems pleased with their experience with abstinence and denial. The patient and his wife have voluntarily agreed to continue with a “chaste lifestyle” (his term) for the indefinite and foreseeable future.

To conclude, in healthy men with no organic basis for ED, I suggest abstinence and orgasm denial, collectively known as “male chastity,” as an effective and novel intervention. Further research is warranted to confirm or refute the findings of this single case study.

Yours most sincerely,

Victor Y. E. Rection, MD
Saratoga Springs, NY

I Had To Chuckle September 17, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , ,
8 comments

Over at Thumper’s blog, Denying Thumper, he’s added a link to my blog. Thanks, Thumper…I appreciate the publicity. But I had to chuckle—when I mouse over the link it says, “Sounds uncomfortable, but whatevs…”

Sounds uncomfortable? This from the man who wears a Steelworxx device with a Prince Albert piercing to hold it all in place? Every time I even breathe the words Prince Albert to Ab, his face blanches.

Sounds uncomfortable? From the man who describes being handcuffed, collared, nipple-clamped, and flogged and all the while, loving every minute of it? (For the record, I think nipple clamps are way more painful than pierced nipples.)

A little key hanging off a little gold chain on a well-healed nipple ring sounds uncomfortable? Okay, Thumper. As you say, “Whatevs…” 😀 😀 😀

PS—photo credit to Thumper for the great picture up on the left. I think it’s…hot. Just really hot. If you want to see the full-size version, go here.

* * * * *

Ab is wearing the smallest ring and the smallest spacer on his CB today. His testicles starting popping out of the next size up. The left one came out during the day yesterday and he managed to fix that (without taking the CB off…remember, he doesn’t know where the key is anymore). The right one popped out overnight and he decided that he needed to move down a size on the ring. I just got an email and he said that it feels a little tighter but “not too bad.” We’ll see how it goes. Now, of course, I am wondering about the ring on the Jailbird that’s on order, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

From the Mailbag: II September 15, 2010

Posted by Dev in Correspondence, Musings.
Tags: , , , , ,
8 comments

I received two interesting emails yesterday, both commenting on my posts from the past few days regarding Ab, our argument, and the wrinkles we are working on ironing out.

Both emailers said that the whole “cleaning the CB” issue was a diversion. One said that it was “bogus” and the other said it was a “red herring.” Either way, they both noted that Ab seems to using this as a way to have the key or know where the key was/is, ie, he is not completely giving up control. Maybe I made a tactical error in not pushing him harder to figure out how to clean the CB while he is wearing it. On the other hand, I have read posts from other men who say they remove it daily for cleaning so I don’t think I was completely off the mark. However, maybe the problem was that I let him have responsibility versus unlocking him to clean—but as I have mentioned before, our work schedules wouldn’t make that completely feasible. So whether or not I goofed, I don’t know but right now, I am going to let this one go. The Jailbird is on order and when that arrives, I’ll reestablish the rules of the game: no access to the key, taking it off only when I say. Since the Jailbird is metal and more open, he won’t be able to argue the cleaning angle with me.

Another comment one of my correspondents made is that Ab might be trying to “top from the bottom,” that is, he is trying to keep control. He says he wants to submit, he says he wants to be in charge but he seems to keep figuring out little ways to maneuver around this. The latest—and this was a little bit alarming—is that he says he is not sure he’s going to wear the CB at work during the day. “It doesn’t feel comfortable in my jeans,” he said. “When I was wearing shorts, it was fine but now that the weather has gotten cooler…” I must have given him a look because he added, “I suppose I could get baggier jeans. Or maybe start wearing sweat pants.” I am not quite sure about that latter comment. Sweat pants?

Anyway, I decided to not push on this, either at this moment because again—I sort of feel like the CB ship has sailed. If I didn’t have a Jailbird on order I might take a different approach. But, the Jailbird should be here in 10-18 days. My plan is to reestablish the game and the rules at that time. Knowing what I know now and having learned where Ab is going to push back, I know where I need to be stricter. No access to the key, no taking off without my express consent (and perhaps, only under my supervision). The specific things he has been complaining about: cleaning and size under jeans should no longer be an issue with the Jailbird. If he tries to make them an issue, I need to be firm and say, “Figure it out.” That may be a little hard for me (because I don’t want him to just throw up his hands and say, “I’m not playing anymore”). But I should stop worrying about that fear—I think that’s what’s holding me back from asserting the control that I need to have.

We’ll get there.

Into Every Life Some Stress Must Fall… September 13, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , , , , ,
8 comments

…which is a polite euphemism for “Ab and I had an argument.”

I figure I’ve been bragging so much about our good communication, I better ‘fess up and be honest when we hit a rough patch.

Our daughter was home from college for the weekend and it was great to see her but it wasn’t particularly relaxing. We had seven people for dinner on Saturday night and on top of that, we had to run around and do various errands with her. Plus, driving to pick her up on Friday and take her back yesterday meant many hours in the car. So, by dinner on Sunday evening, we were both a little tired and on edge. Also, we have another very busy and stressful week coming up. My mother fell and broke her hip 3.5 weeks ago so we are still dealing with the aftermath of that event, which includes lots of going here and there, taking her to appointments, and so on. Ab and I are truly living “the sandwich generation” experience so it is not surprising that we started snapping at each other.

Ab was annoyed because I had put the spare key away for the weekend, as I said I would. He didn’t remember that, though, and with the kids around, didn’t bring it up. But once everyone was gone, he made it clear he didn’t like wearing the grimy and grubby CB. He wants to take it off for cleaning, end of story, and thinks he should have access to the key. That caused some friction.

For the evening (and through the night) he put the Birdcage on (or as he calls it, ‘Big Ben’), I guess to make the point that it was cleaner. Fine. I told him that all of this wouldn’t be an issue, soon, since I had ordered him a Mature Metal device which would have the advantage of fitting properly and being easier to keep clean. He hit the roof because he thinks I am spending too much money on all of this—he told me to cancel the order. But I am not going to because I do think that fit and cleaning are his/our two big problems right now and I want to take care of that.

Then Ab suggested that maybe we should both be experiencing orgasm denial. Locked up for him, no vibrator for me. This is the ‘tit for tat’ type of arguing that he does and I just got even more annoyed. “What would be the point of that?” I asked. “Well, you could see what I am going through,” he replied. I pointed out that the game was not supposed to be “lock him and leave him.” He countered with, “I am not saying anything about leaving. We could still hug and cuddle—just no orgasms for either of us.”

Maybe this is his frustration at being denied starting to come through?

We didn’t come up with any resolution and just sort of dropped the subject.

This morning, he asked me to unlock Big Ben because it is too big to wear under his jeans. I agreed and pulled out the key. He gets up and leaves before me so I don’t know if he put the CB on or not. However, I noticed that the lock is not next to Big Ben anymore so I suspect that he did. To be fair and live up to my end of the bargain, I put the extra key back in its usual “accessible to Ab during the week” place so it will be there when he gets home (if he needs it). This is Monday, my late night so I won’t be home until long after he has had his evening shower, and if he wants to take it off—well, that is the deal we agreed to. I need to be fair.

I am just looking at this as a little blip. We’ll be back on track in no time, I am sure.

Just to Recap September 11, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , , , ,
5 comments

Great discussion in the blog yesterday. Thanks to everyone for all their comments (and also for the emails I received that were discussing the issue). I appreciate all the feedback!

Based on all of this, I am going to be ordering Ab a Jailbird from Mature Metal. I’ve traded a couple of emails back and forth with Mr. MM and as many have mentioned, he seems very nice, very responsive, and eager to make his customers happy. This is the configuration I am going with:

Length: 2″ (which is 1/2″ shorter than the CB-6000s; Ab doesn’t fill that all the way up to the end and Mr. MM suggests that getting a shorter one would be a good idea).
Diameter: 1 1/4″ (which is 1/8″ narrower than the CB)
Ring: 1 3/4″ (same as the CB)
Gap: 1/4″ (the size of the small spacer on the CB. Ab has been switching back and forth between the smallest and the next smallest spacer, which Mr. MM tells me is 3/8″. Mr. MM also tells me that the changing from 1/4″ to 3/8″ [or vice versa] is an easy adjustment, if necessary)

Our progression has been that we started out way too big with the Birdcage (which, as I have noted, I think is really meant for play, not serious long-term wear). The CB-6000s is a closer fit but still a little big, so I am going with a slightly smaller, tighter Jailbird which I hope will be the perfect solution. As they say, third time is the charm! He’ll also be back in metal which I think will be a whole lot more satisfactory than the plastic. As for weight: he’ll be going from about 3 oz to 6 oz which is an increase. He complained about the weight of the Birdcage at the end but I think the problem was that it was so big and hanging down, it was more annoying than heavy (the cage on that is 5 inches! And now he’ll be wearing 2? BIG difference).

I am not going to fuss around with doing more measurements or letting him in on the decision this time. I am pulling this back into my hands a little bit and saying, “This is what you are wearing. No ifs, ands, or buts.” This is based on the assumption of good fit and comfort, of course, but I have taken those factors into consideration in terms of what I am ordering.

Mr. MM tells me that it takes two to three weeks to build a device so I now I need to sit back and be patient. Three weeks will bring us to the beginning of October. Maybe we’ll just plan on a fun-filled weekend and he gets his new device as a present at the end. I sort of like that idea.

The other thing that came up in the comments was the idea of  a Prince Albert piercing, which many men have and use to secure their devices. I’ve been after him about a PA for years—I’ve always thought they are hot. I brought it up again last night and got the same horrified look that I always get. LOL. I am probably not going to be able to sway him on this one but I’ll keep talking about it. Actually, talking about piercings has been a fantasy for us so we’ll keep up with that.

As an aside, if anyone would like to read a story where the guy has a couple of piercings and they play a role in the narrative, let me recommend Bad Case of Loving You by Laney Cairo.  It’s a fun story with a nice happy ending.

I was supposed to have a facial this morning but the esthetician just called—she has a bad cold and doesn’t want to breathe in my face. Thank you for that consideration! So, I suddenly have a little bit of free time that I didn’t expect. That’s a nice treat…I think I’ll start filling it up with another cup of coffee and some leisure reading. Oh, and ordering up Ab’s new Jailbird. 😉

Slightly Perplexed September 10, 2010

Posted by Dev in Devices, Musings.
Tags: , ,
25 comments

I am slightly perplexed this morning…just slightly.

I am came home from work last night and found out Ab didn’t have his CB on. He told me that he had developed a small area of irritation under one of the rings and he thought he needed a little break. I inspected the spot and didn’t see anything but he said it felt like a pimple and was sore. Okay, they’re his balls, I am sure he knows when he feels something!

He left the CB off all night and I thought he would do the same today, but I noticed that it doesn’t appear to be anywhere in the house. It had been on the bedside table on my side of the bed but in the time when I got up and went to the bathroom and he left for work, it disappeared. I assume if he took it with him to work, that means he is going to put it on. He wouldn’t be carrying it around with all the little parts that could potentially get lost.

This reinforces my wish to get him back into a metal device and one that is custom-fitted. I don’t think human bodies are meant to wear plastic over the long-term and tell us so by developing areas of irritation and little pimples! Metal is better, for cleaning and comfort. I did mention to Ab, in sort of an offhand way, that I didn’t think it would be unreasonable to spend up to $1000 to get the proper device for him to wear (so far we’ve spent $300, so we have a ways to go). He didn’t disagree and commented that custom made suits can cost way more than that—is this really any different?

So…suggestions on metal devices that are comfortable for long-term wear, well-fitting, and not too heavy are welcome, as are suggestions on how to get the right fit. I’ve seen posts from one fellow, Atone, who went through several different rings on his Jailbird to get to the size that felt best for him, but now he says he loves it. That’s what I want for Ab—for him to say he loves his device and he wants to wear it.

Edit to add: I am just looking at the Mature Metal website and reading about their sizing rings. Have people used those? Is it worth ordering up a set to get the correct fit? Feedback welcome…thanks. D

* * * * *

Our daughter is coming home from college this weekend, so there will be young people around the house. Probably not as much and games for Ab and I—we were fooling around on the porch last Friday night! That’s not going to happen again. LOL. But maybe it is good to just slow things down a bit and work towards “the new normal.” Besides, I am looking forward to seeing my daughter and hearing about her adventures at college. She’s a freshman so this is all new and exciting for her and us.

Labor Day and Three Weeks September 6, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , ,
15 comments

It is Monday, September 6th, Labor Day here in the US.

It is also three weeks to the day since Ab has been in a chastity device, more or less full-time. He’s had brief vacations but no orgasms. I’ve had a bunch but this weekend we’ve slowed down since I’ve been menstruating.

I feel like we’ve turned a corner this weekend. Some of the newness is wearing off—and that’s a good thing. Yes, it was fun to have that high level of excitement and fever pitch of energy flowing through both of us, but that can be exhausting, too. If chastity is supposed to be a long-term game, or even solution (more on that in another post), then we need to be able to settle down and get on with our lives. It is impossible to sustain that level of energy long-term.

Thinking back on these three weeks, Ab has taken quite well to chastity—remember, it was my idea at first. He seems to like wearing the device—or at least he doesn’t mind wearing it—now that he’s in the more comfortable and better fitting CB.

One disadvantage of the CB over the Birdcage—he wants to take it off daily to bathe and clean the device. He didn’t have the same problem with the Birdcage since it was so open. While I don’t have a problem with the cleaning, I do have an issue with the key. He gets home from work before me. His usual routine is to shower, then take a nap, then start getting dinner ready and so on—which is about the time I arrive home. Mondays and Thursdays I am home even later (around 9 pm). So, what to do about the key? If he knows where the spare is so he can use it, then I am giving up part of my control of being the keyholder. On the other hand, if he wants to clean it daily (and other men have written me that they do, too, so he is not alone in this respect), then I am not sure it is reasonable to ask him not to. Or, should I demand that he figures out how to clean it while he is wearing it? Other men tell they do this, with power showers and spray bottles and so on.

Changing my schedule to get home early and always be the one to unlock him is not feasible.

Right now, I am toying with the idea of saying that Monday through Friday he will have access to the key but on the weekends (and holidays, like today) he will need to ask me to be unlocked. Maybe this is a way of reinforcing that he is being given limited permission during the week and that he is on the honor system to only remove for cleaning: no self-stimulation is allowed. On the weekends, he will have no access to the spare key, which will be a reminder of where the limits and boundaries are during the week.

I am still thinking this through so comments and thoughts are welcome.

Recreational vs. Long-Term Use September 2, 2010

Posted by Dev in Devices, Musings.
Tags: , , ,
7 comments

The CB arrived! Hooray! Ab is thrilled. This time, he waited until I got home from work to open it–and, he even let me help him put it on. We played around with the various spacers until we came up with a combination that seemed to work well. We got him all tucked in and he let me click the lock shut. Such a satisfying sound…

Speaking of locks—I thought the Birdcage came with a Masterlock but it turns out I was mistaken. It’s actually a “WolfDog.” The new CB did come with a Masterlock—a very pretty shiny one with two pretty gold keys. I wanted to put that one on but Ab felt there was a difference in weight, so we pulled out the scale. 25 g for the Masterlock vs. 10 g for the WolfDog. Since he has been lugging a serious amount of metal around for the past two weeks, I decided to be kind and put the lighter WoldDog on his new device.

Twenty minutes after wearing the CB, Ab told me the difference is like wearing sneakers versus stilettos. Oh my, the poor guy! He was a good sport, though, and did wear the Birdcage for two weeks, although by the end, he did tell me it was getting pretty uncomfortable (he started calling it “the Chrysler”). ( I just weighed it and found out that it weighs 165 g; with lock that would be 175 g.  For the non-metric types, that would be 6.2 ounces. Anyone have a scale handy to tell me what the CB weighs?) As I said before, this was an impulsive purchase without a lot of prior research. I liked the look of the metal and was influenced by the story I had read. He had no opinion and went along with my suggestion. And while it worked for awhile…

It makes me wonder if the Birdcage is really designed for “recreational” use—ie, chastity play for a few hours or maybe a day on the weekend. Maybe it’s not really meant to be worn for days on end. While Ab didn’t really complain, by the end of the first week, we both knew it was too big and heavy. Like I said, he managed to tough it out for another week, although he asked to have it off on the evening of Aug 27th (and kept it off all night) and then asked to have it off again on the 29th. I gave him ’til lunchtime that day before I was locking him back up. I want him to know I am serious about chastity and orgasm denial.

One advantage of the Birdcage is that it was very easy to clean, being so open and big.

Anyway, he’s in polycarbonate for the moment and happy with that. As I’ve said before, I like the metal devices—they are very sexy to me, in their shiny elemental-ness—but it may be awhile before he is persuaded to wear metal again. I know he will insist on knowing the weight of anything we consider and that will be a big factor in the final decision.