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Dinner For One December 31, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Although Wikipedia claims that Dinner for One is “virtually unknown in English speaking countries,” it became a New Year’s Eve tradition in the Devoted Lover household after I read this article in Slate. This is the type of ridiculous skit that tickles my funny bone and back in 2005 on December 31st back I watched it, oh, maybe eight dozen times. (Yes, I can be a little obsessive. 😉 ). In subsequent years, I’ve pared down my viewing to maybe three or four times throughout the day. There are at least two different versions floating around–the 11 minute one that the Slate article links to and an 18 minute version. (There is also a Lego version which can be seen here.) While it might seem that the 18 minute version is longer because of the introduction in German, look carefully and you’ll see that they are not the same. In the shorter one, there is no tablecloth on the table, the chairs are different, and some of the portraits on the wall are missing. There are picture frames but nothing in them. The rugs on the floor are different, two, but of course, the tiger skin rug is prominent in both!

I have friends in Germany but, having never been there on New Year’s Eve, I never knew to ask them about this peculiar tradition. But once I learned of its popularity, I did ask and they assured me that it is just as Slate reported: shown on TV on New Year’s Eve with lots of drinking and lots of silly fun. Now we email during the day while I make my own tradition–a viewing by one, as it were–here in our little corner of the US.

So, I invite you to join us. Pull up a chair, get comfy, and get to know Miss Sophie and James. While he may be chaste for most of the year, he definitely gets to come on Miss Sophie’s birthday. 😉

For those who share my obsessive tendencies, here are a few more links:

Enjoy, with our very best wishes for a Happy New Year from

Dev and Ab


Health and Hygiene Videos December 30, 2010

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Thumper has a fun post today, with a video he made showing how he cleans his Steelheart. It was done in the style of the health and hygiene videos those of us, of a certain age, grew up with. LOL. One of my “favorites” (I use that term loosely) was Drug Addiction, made in 1951. They showed it to us in science class in 1968 and they were still showing it, six years later, when my sister was in 8th grade! It mystifies me how anyone could think this movie from the post-WWII era could be relevant to kids who were growing up with sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. But, whatever, it gave us a good laugh. Due to the magic of the Internet, we can all go back and relive that wonderful experience–or for the youngsters among us, they can live it for the first time. Warning, this movie is 21 minutes long. You might want to pour yourself a glass of wine or a beer before you click “play.”

Drug Addiction 1951 from Encyclopedia Britannica Films

If you have time, hunt around the Prelinger Archive a bit. They have some classics including everyone’s favorite, Duck and Cover, which was selected for the 2004 National Film Registry of “culturally, historically and aesthetically significant” motion pictures. Who knew?

Another parody…this one I picked up from Dan Savage’s blog. It gave me a good chuckle!

Enjoy, everyone…

Loving Chastity December 29, 2010

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There are a lot of chastity myths out there, ranging from the truly bizarre to the more subtle, “Could this really be true?” I can understand why a newcomer searching for information on chastity would be confused—I’m five months in and I still am perplexed by some of the stuff I read! Mikecb has done a nice job on his blog deconstructing some of the myths, either by exposing them as patently ridiculous or putting them in a larger context of understanding within a relationship (usually D/s). I have tried to take the opposite approach—presenting what Ab and I are really doing, from the perspective of a long-time married couple. Which brings me to today’s topic: loving chastity.

Without a doubt, the approach that Ab and I have to chastity is definitely from a loving context. The biggest benefits that we have seen have been much more intimacy, greater closeness, and improved communication. We’ve also begun to experiment a bit more sexually—spanking and tease and denial come to mind—but at the end of the day, for us, chastity is all about the love that is between us.

I wanted to make this explicit. Why? I am sure that other chaste couples would tell me that their relationship is all about love, too. But the thing is, I sometimes feel that the messages of love get lost in the commentary about humiliation, punishment, brutality, ruined orgasms, long-term denial, cuckolding, cream pie eating, etc., etc. Someone might write, “Of course I love my husband. That’s why I am beating his ass until it is shredded to ribbons!” but to me, that is more of an afterthought rather than a declaration of true affection.

Now I fully accept that this is me and where I am coming from. What other couples do is totally their business and more power to them. But, referencing the confused newcomer, as I said above—I want to make it clear that for us, we are operationalizing chastity from a place of deep love and affection. The way we express our love for each other now isn’t all that different from what we did a prior to August with one notable exception: penetrative intercourse is now a rare event. At least for the physical part.

The emotional part—there have been some pretty noticeable changes. I think other couples experience this too. Michael started a thread on the Chastity Forums asking if anyone wanted to “go back” to the way it was before. The overwhelming response was no. Even if a couple stopped practicing chastity (whatever that really means) they didn’t want to go back to fighting about sex or feeling being pressured for sex. Now, I don’t have particularly vivid memories of those two things, but I have admitted that I would pretend to be asleep while Ab masturbated next to me. So, obviously, our sex life wasn’t perfect. Is it perfect now? Probably not, but it is feeling a whole lot more vibrant and exciting than it was previously—or at least, a whole lot more vibrant and exciting more often than it was previously. That’s the part I don’t want to change.

So it’s all good. But as I look at the pattern of our lives, I see what we are going through now as the next step on the path we’ve been on since the day we’ve met. It’s the continuing growth and change that has existed between us since…forever. It wasn’t like I said, “Let’s try chastity,” and Ab shrugged his shoulders and said “Sure,” and life changed. It didn’t.

And maybe that is part of the difference that I am missing and thus don’t understand. I realize for a lot of couples, the dream of chastity is a long-held fantasy by the man. He’s wanted it, desired it, but doesn’t have the nerve to bring it up because he’s afraid his wife will have any range of emotions, but none of them accepting. For those couples, when the man gets his nerve up and blurts out his kinky fantasy—whether it be chastity alone or chastity and a few dozen other things—he’s putting himself out there, in such a way that if his wife does agree, life may in fact very well change. So maybe that explains part of my blind spot about some of what I read.

Even so, I still believe that even with a change such as introducing chastity into a marriage, which may have a big impact overall, those changes are still incremental. I really think the blogs that say, “I went to bed wearing a CB one night and the next thing I knew, my wife was a leather-clad whip whipping dominatrix!” are mostly the stuff of fantasy and imagination. A hot idea, perhaps, but for tentative newcomers, believe me when I say you can take chastity at a pace that works for you and at the same time, make it part of your lives in a realistic and meaningful way.

Because, that’s what Ab and I have done.

Utilikilts—Yay or Nay? December 26, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings, Opinions, Polls.
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I never heard of Utilikilts until a few days ago where I saw a mention of them in a comment on a blog. Being the curious type, I googled the name and discovered the Utilikilts website. Apparently the inventor hails from Seattle and there is a retail store on 1st Avenue in that same city—but as a fashion statement, they haven’t made their way east. At least, not that I have ever seen!

Doing a bit more googling, I discovered that people seem to have very strong opinions about Utilikilts: they either love ’em or hate ’em. I couldn’t find much in the way of neutral comments or attitudes.

Chaste guys worry about unsightly bulges in their pants from their devices—although as I have said before, I’ve never been able to notice device-wearing man, even my own husband! But it seems to me that maybe a skirt, such as a kilt, could eliminate that problem.

I showed Ab the website and he was intrigued, although he wasn’t sure he’d be up to wearing a Utilikilt to work. Even so, he gets tired of chafing from pants and he likes having his legs bare. The minute it gets warm enough he switches to shorts and wears them for the entire season. He delays going back into jeans until the last possible moment. A kilt has a definite appeal for him.

His birthday is coming up in January and I kiddingly said, “I should order one for you.”

“Go ahead,” he replied.

This was before either of us had looked at the price: $215 for the classic style. Yikes! That’s a little steep for a potential gag gift. Fifty bucks? Sure, I’ll spend that in a minute. But two hundred? That’s starting to approach the price of a chastity device. Do I really want to spend that much on something that might never be worn?

So I decided to throw the question out to my readers with a little poll. You tell me: will Ab be a fashion trendsetter? Or should I be investigating something else—anything else!—for his birthday. Cast your vote in the poll and please leave comments letting me know what you really think. I look forward to the results.

Twas The Night Before Christmas… December 24, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a mouse
The stockings were hung
By the chimney with care
In hopes that Saint Nicholas
Soon would be there…

Merry Christmas to our friends and readers!
Big hugs from
Dev and Ab

Is It My Light… December 23, 2010

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or is it chastity? Either way, I’m in a pretty good mood these days.

Living here in New England, winter days are short and the nights are long and dark. Even when the sun is up, it’s often not very sunny. It’s enough to make a girl depressed!

I’ve often thought I’ve had a mild case of seasonal affective disorder (SAD) although it’s never been officially diagnosed. A few weeks ago, a friend who is a psychiatrist was raving about the Caribbean Sun Box, a light therapy light box. It’s small and compact, unlike the original light therapy lights that came on the market a while back. My friend—let’s call her Dr. J—said that the use of these lights is evidence based and have been shown to be beneficial for folks suffering from SAD.

They are sold at Amazon so I figured, why not give it a try? If it seemed to make absolutely no difference, I could return it within the 30-day return period. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

The instructions are to use the light for 20-60 minutes a day, preferably in the morning. You are not supposed to sit and stare at it; rather, turn on the light and then do whatever you usually do—read the paper, eat breakfast, and catch up on email. That’s my routine, at least.

It’s been two months since I received the light and I’ve been using it regularly every day. I can’t say with 100% certainty that it is making a difference, but I have noticed that I am in a pretty good mood and feeling better able to cope with the holidays. So maybe it is working.

Or maybe it is chastity and my overall improved sex life. That could be making a difference, too. Or maybe it’s just the fact that I am feeling closer to my husband and enjoying this new phase of my life as a parent of almost-adult children who are out of the house. Whatever it is, I do feel like I am in a better place in my mind than I was a year ago at this time and that, for me, is a very good thing.


I’ll have a special treat for you tomorrow—something that Ab dreamed up. In the meantime, have a nice Christmas Eve Eve which, traditionally, is a pretty raucous day in the Devoted Lover household. We have young people coming for dinner and will be decorating the tree. Beyond that, who knows what is it store for us? Whatever…Enjoy!

Some Trivia About Our Holiday Traditions December 22, 2010

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Many people consider It’s A Wonderful Life to be the definitive Christmas movie but I never saw it until I was in my thirties. Anyone that tells you they watched it “every year” while growing up was either born after 1970 or pulling your leg. It’s A Wonderful Life has only achieved its lauded status in the past two decades, almost fifty years after it was originally released. When the movie first came out, it wasn’t exactly a flop—it was nominated for five Academy Awards and received a glowing review in Time magazine—but it was not a critically acclaimed success at the time. It didn’t win a single Academy Award—those all went to The Best Years of Our Lives.

A clerical error in the fifties meant that It’s A Wonderful Life went out of copyright in 1974. Suddenly, television stations that had been required to pay royalties for every presentation could show it for free. That’s the reason that suddenly everyone would start seeing Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed every time they flipped on the tube during the holiday season. Small television stations such as WNEW in New York had a field day for about eighteen years and an entire generation of people grew up thinking “This is the holiday movie that reigns supreme.”

The copyright holders took the case to court and eventually received their rights back in 1992. Since then, showings are limited and accorded a respect that a movie that shows up on any number of “Best Films of All Time” lists deserves. Even so, it hasn’t nudged out the film that holds the place of honor in my heart for best Christmas movie. That would be Holiday

Holiday Inn, starring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire was released, bizarrely, in August 1942. We all know it as the movie where White Christmas was sung for the first time—although that wasn’t supposed to be the hit song from the film. That honor was supposed to go to Be Careful, It’s My Heart, the song that Bing sings to his girlfriend, Linda, on Valentine’s Day (while she’s dancing with Fred and leaping through paper hearts). However, in the deep depths of World War II, White Christmas touched a nerve. It went on to win the Academy Award for best original song and become the most popular song of all time—an honor it still holds.

The version that you hear today on the radio, or if you own your own copy, is likely not the 1942 version recorded in 18 minutes for the film. Bing re-recorded it in 1947 as the original masters wore out from so many pressings and re-pressings. Yes, the song was that popular.

Growing up, it was a holiday tradition for my friend Cathy and I to watch Holiday Inn and the 1954 remake, White Christmas. When I moved to Maine in 1980, I was delighted to discover that Dana Hershey, host of The Movie Loft on Channel 38, WSBK (from Boston) loved Holiday Inn as much as me and granted it a showing of honor on Christmas Eve. Imagine my amazement when I watched it that year and discovered that for all my life, I had watched it with an entire scene censored out!

If you recall the story, it follows the travails of showman Jim Hardy who owns an inn in Connecticut that is open on “holidays only.” Each scene is a holiday, with a song and dance routine and music by Irving Berlin. For Lincoln’s Birthday, Jim decides Linda needs to wear blackface and they sing what would be considered by today’s standards, a somewhat racially offensive song. Well, I guess by the standards of the 1960s in New York, too since I never saw the scene! It is actually pivotal to the movie as Jim and Linda get engaged (sort of) right before he starts putting the make-up on her. Without that scene, I never quite understood how the romance was progressing. It was nice to finally have that mystery cleared up!

A few more bits of trivia:

  • In the New Year’s Eve drunk scene, Fred Astaire was really drunk. He was drinking bourbon before each take and the seventh take was used in the movie.
  • The firecracker scene for July 4th (one of my favorites) required three days of rehearsal and two days to film. Fred’s shoes from that scene were auctioned off for $116,000 of war bonds.
  • The set of the movie was re-used fourteen years later to film White Christmas.
  • The scene at the end where they pull back and show the actual set and cameras was innovative and original—that had never before been done.
  • And last, but not least, the chain of Holiday Inn motels, founded in 1952 by Kemmons Wilson, were named after the movie.


Another must-see for our family has always been A Charlie Brown Christmas. Released in 1965 it broke new ground in many ways: it was animated with an adult-sounding jazz track; it used child actors to voice the characters, not adults imitating children; and it did not include a laugh track, a staple of shows during that time. The biblical references—Linus’s speech during the rehearsal of the Christmas play—was controversial but Charles Schulz was adamant that it be included. “If we don’t tell the true meaning of Christmas, who will?” he said.

None of the actors were credited in the show although who they are is documented and known. Kathy Steinberg, who voiced Sally, couldn’t even read, and had to be fed her lines word-by-word. That’s the reason her big line, “All I want is what I… I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share,” sounds the way it does.

A Charlie Brown Christmas has been shown every year since its debut in 1965. Is it the longest running Christmas special? No, that honor would go to Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer which was released in 1964.

One other bit of trivia: A Charlie Brown Christmas sounded the death knell for the aluminum Christmas tree market. Lucy tells Charlie Brown to go buy a nice aluminum tree, “Maybe painted pink.” At the tree lot, Linus knocks on a tree and comments, “This really brings Christmas close to a person,” and Charlie Brown replies, “Fantastic.” Up until that time, aluminum trees, first manufactured in 1958, had been quite popular. After the show, sales dropped dramatically and they ceased being made in 1967. Out of curiosity, I priced a few on eBay. A brand-new, still in the box vintage tree can be yours for $500, if you’re the lucky bidder. Hmmm….


And last, a little bit of music trivia. As I noted above, White Christmas is from Holiday Inn and was reprised in White Christmas. Some favorites from various musicals include:

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – Meet Me in St. Louis

We Need a Little Christmas – Mame

Then we get to the slightly more obscure:

Turkey Lurkey Time – Promises, Promises

Hard Candy Christmas – The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas

And last, but not least…

Merry Christmas Maggie Thatcher from Billy Elliott, which I somehow doubt will be showing up on anybody’s “Best of Christmas” compilation CD, even if it was written by Sir Elton John!

An Apple a Day… December 18, 2010

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…keeps the doctor away. And an orgasm in the morning can do wonders to put me in the right frame of mind to face the world head-on.

I love early morning sex. After a good night’s sleep I’m relaxed, warm and cuddly in my bed. What better time to have my husband devour me—worship me—with his hands and his tongue?

In the old days, ie, pre-chastity, Ab would often wake up in the morning and masturbate next to me while I pretended to be asleep. Those days are long gone, thank God, and if I have anything to say about it, they will never return. Now the scenario is that he gets up to use the toilet, then comes back to bed. He spoons against me, rubbing his caged cock against my ass. Yes, I like the feel of metal rubbing up against me. What can I say? I pretend he’s my knight in shining armor. Hey, I admitted the other day that I am the Queen. Every Queen deserves a knight, don’t you think?

After a few minutes of spooning, I wake up enough to turn over and snuggle in. My hand drifts down to his balls for a nice massage. I really love doing this. I feel his balls fill and become heavy and engorged in my hand. It’s such a hot feeling that I never noticed or paid attention to before. Meanwhile, Ab gets to feast on the part of me he loves best—my breasts—and we just go from there.

Having sex—making love—in our “new world order” is definitely not one-sided or non-reciprocal as it seems to be for some chaste couples, at least from what I have read. We are very much about pleasuring each other: Our pleasure is our shared mutual pleasure as I like to say over and over again.

We don’t get to do this every morning, of course. Some mornings Ab sneaks off before the crack of dawn and I don’t get a chance for a quick ball massage. On those mornings I feel cheated. I have really tried to attune myself to his earliest stirrings and even at my sleepiest, try to sneak my hand out for a quick rub-rub-rub, at a minimum. It’s all about paying attention to my chaste male, after all, and keeping him happy to be locked and not deprived. Well, deprived of orgasm, I suppose, but not denied heaping doses of love, affection, and stimulation of his entire body, not just his cock.

Back to the orgasmic mornings. We move in close, caressing, touching. I’ve noticed that with his cock denied, Ab seems to be more sensitive in his other erogenous zones, especially his nipples and perineum. So, while I’m thinking about it (we usually get to a point where not much thinking is going on!) I try to focus my attention on those areas.

Eventually, he seems to crest (as opposed to orgasm) and I become the center of the action. I’ve learned to become selfish and just drink it all in because, oh my God, it’s all about me and it’s fabulous. I have my O (yesterday an 8, today a 9) and then we enjoy the post-coital glow.

For a couple of old kinksters, we really do have great sex.

Snuggling generally gets cut short by the dog who, at this point, is usually demanding some attention. I suppose that is one drawback to early morning sex. But really, it’s a small price to pay for such intimacy and closeness which truly, sets me on the right path to cope with whatever the day may throw at me.

* * * * *

Speaking of throwing, I asked Ab this morning what it feels like when I massage his cock in his Watchful Mistress. He thought for a second and then said, “Like making out with a catcher’s mask on.” Then he said, “I am sure I’ll be reading that in print later today.” Here you go, darling. I am never one to disappoint you!

Input from Ab December 16, 2010

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Ab tells me he wants to get more involved in the blog. Not as a writer, that’s not his forté, but maybe by submitting the occasional photograph. I thought it was a great idea. I enjoy blogs were both voices of a couple are present. If one of those voices comes through visually, well that just makes it a little more interesting, don’t you think?

Ab was wondering what to call his contributions–give him his own headline to identify his posts (sort of like I have done with “Quotes from Ab”). I’d set up a category for his posts and he could use the tags to make everything searchable. Anyway, I’ll throw this open to suggestions from the Peanut Gallery. Ideas, no matter how wacky, are welcome. Please share in the comments.

Speaking of peanuts, Mr. Peanut came out recently. If you haven’t read his essay, it’s very, very funny and can be found here, in the New Yorker.  The New Yorker, of course! Mr. Peanut has always been a class act. If you haven’t seen his new holiday ad (with the voice of Robert Downey, Jr.) here it is. It makes me laugh, every time.

Okay, enough rambling. I am off for a very busy day! Post your suggestions for Ab’s content. I am looking forward to everyone’s ideas.

NB: I borrowed the picture above from Chaste’s “Journey into Chastity” blog. After my post about being Queen, it just spoke to me… 😉

Respecting Your Keyholder December 14, 2010

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Jnuts wrote a blog post here where he commented he wanted to call his wife “Mistress.” He wasn’t entirely comfortable with that term for a variety of reasons but at the same time, he wanted to respect her with the honorific.

I understand totally where he is coming from.

When I started this blog, I wrote a manifesto that I wouldn’t be changing Ab into a woman, or dressing him like a maid, or chaining him in the basement as my slave. None of that has changed. I am still calling him Ab, not “sissy,” and I haven’t trotted off to Victoria’s Secret to buy him a new wardrobe of panties. But in spite of this, I have acquired a variety of new names, including Goddess, Mistress, Princess, Beloved, and My Queen.

And you know what? I am not complaining.

I think part of the problem I had with these names at the beginning is that they carried so much baggage. Being a “Mistress” implied that I would need to dress in leather and heels and crack a whip. Really, that’s not my style. Goddess, Princess? The wardrobe options boggle my mind—especially for a woman who likes to go nude at the beach.

On the other hand, I hold the key to my husband’s sexuality. I like being in charge. He wants me to be in charge. As an email correspondent said to me, “Handing over the key is a submissive act.” In that respect, I am a Domme, Mistress, Goddess or whatever term you might want to use. In fact, we put this in our contract. “Ab’s locked up. Dev’s in charge.” Yes, I am.

Once I realized that, I became much more open—and eventually accepting—of being called different names. The names weren’t intended to make me play a role but rather, to help me realize and accept my place in the family. “Dev’s in charge.” This has been true forever. But in recent weeks, I have moved to a higher plane of understanding and acceptance. The names are a sign of respect. I appreciate that and frankly, have started to expect that as part of my role. Hm, it is not too hard to accept the scepter of control with just a little bit of learning.

Doesn’t every little girl want to grow up and be a princess? Guess what…I have. But it’s so much better than the fake princesses that Disney portrays. I am the real thing and living it day-to-day.

Knowing that, Ab can call me anything he wants, as long as it is respectful.

And, every once and awhile, I’ll wear my crown. 🙂