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Cue the Moms in 3…2…1… March 7, 2012

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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I swear, you can’t make this stuff up. Apparently, Sears has been selling a tee-shirt that proclaimed loudly and proudly, “I ❤ Butt Plugs.” (As you can see from the picture, there is a picture of a heart on the tee, but I couldn’t figure out how to make one in this post.) Maybe they figured that if J.C. Penney is going after the LGBTQ market with Ellen DeGeneres as their spokesperson, Sears could capitalize on kinky folks as their niche.

Think of it: “Honey, I’m going to the mall to buy some dog food.”

“Oh great, while you’re there, do you think you can stop by Sears and pick up a butt plug? And maybe a ball gag?”

“Sure thing, sweetie. You want that butt plug in silicone or surgical grade stainless steel?”

Alas, their corporate transformation to the Stockroom of the Mall was short-lived. The shirts are gone, although you can still do a Google search as proof of their existence.

I was curious if the Moms were up in arms about this, so I checked in at the One Million Wackadoodles site. No mention of Sears. They are bleating about some TV show that they consider blasphemous. Apparently the first episode included a reference to “oral s*x.” (Yes, that’s the way they wrote it. When did sex become a dirty word?) It’s probably a good thing they didn’t see Sears’ butt plug tee-shirts. They would’ve had a collective stroke.

I have to admit, even though I’m a bold and kinky chick, I’m not sure I would’ve worn that shirt in public (notice that it comes in both men’s and women’s sizes). Maybe I could’ve sent Ab out in one though…complete with butt plug in place. 🙂

Archie Update: Issue 16, with Kevin Keller’s wedding on the cover has completely sold out and is now going for $50 and up on eBay. No mention on the Moms website about the success (or lack thereof) of their boycott effort.

More on Sears: As I was typing this I reminded myself of this post when I reminisced about looking at “dirty pictures” in the Sears Catalog. Back in 1975 there was a scandal when “something” was peeking out of a pair of boxers. Was that something a penis? Now they are selling butt plug tee shirts. Not sure what that says about Sears or our cultural evolution, but it sure is good for a laugh.

California Dreamin’ April 8, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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What do you get when you mix two chaste men, two keyholders, a mini-Cooper convertible, and California sun? A whole lot of fun.

As I mentioned in my previous post, on Sunday Ab and I met up with likes2blocked and his wife, keyhldr (hereinafter referred to as L and K). Any anxiety I had been feeling dissipated and flew out the window within minutes of their arrival. As K said to me, “It’s good to finally see you in person,” as opposed to meet, because in truth, we had met months ago. This was just the final step of bringing our physical bodies into the same room. Still, I suppose there could have been some awkwardness. What if K wore some revolting perfume? (She didn’t.) Or L didn’t like my haircut? (If that was the case, he didn’t say anything.) But none of that happened. We connected like old friends, getting together for 36 whirlwind hours together.

So, what did we do? Well, we talked a lot, shared a couple of meals, drank like fish, got kinky together, and on Monday, had a day trip to Point Reyes National Seashore, where we oohed and aahed over the amazing scenery and lighthouse, took pictures, and were blown away by the sight of four whales. The weather was spectacular and driving on twisty-turny Route 1 with the top down on the car was a blast. It reminded me that spring will come to Maine (someday) and I will get to drive in my own convertible. And while Maine does have some off-the-charts scenery and lighthouses, we don’t have any roads like the California version of Route 1 (our Route 1 is pretty boring, in contrast). The drive was definitely a peak experience.

As were the back-to-back dime-worthy orgasmic experiences for me. 🙂 . And the chance to do some serious locked man teasing (and that wasn’t just Ab). Like I said, we had a whole lot of fun.

We never did get to the vibrator store but as L said, when you own a Hitachi do you really need anything else? Good point.

Being with L and K reminded me of being with some of my old nudist friends. If you’ve seen someone naked, can there really be any inhibitions in the conversation? I don’t think so. This was similar. I’ve been writing about my sex life in this blog for the past eight months and the man who shares that sex life was right next to me. I knew that L was wearing a Mature Metal Jailbird on his cock and his wife had the key hidden away somewhere. Were there any barriers between us? Of course not.

Don’t get me wrong. We didn’t talk only about sex. In fact, we talked about just about everything under the sun—and then some. But it was fun to have the opportunity to talk about chastity and kinkiness and fetishes and anything else that popped into our heads. I have mused in this blog about how great I think chastity is and how I wish I could talk about it with others but unfortunately, a couple’s sex life is usually not a topic for polite conversation. Well, now I was with friends where it was completely on the table and up for discussion. In that regard, it was a very liberating experience.

That point has been driven home even more in the days since. While I have been blabbing about the absolutely wonderful time I had, I always have to stop short. “How did you meet this couple?” is a common question. “Through the sex blog I write,” is not the appropriate answer, even if it is correct! “What sort of things do you have in common?” Uh, K and I keep our husbands locked up and neither of them has had an orgasm for at least a month? LOL.

Speaking of, Ab didn’t have a San Francisco orgasm, as I thought he might. The opportunity never really presented itself and he didn’t seem to care. His last one was back on March 4th (I am sure he doesn’t know the date but I do). As for the next one? ::shrug:: We’ll know when the time is right.

* * * * *

Sightseeing wrap-up: Ab saw more stuff than me but I did have a few free minutes for fun. I got to ride on the historic streetcars several times, which was a treat. We saw the Castro Theater (from the outside) and the location of Harvey Milk’s camera shop (now a HRC office and shop). We went to the streetcar museum and did some shopping in the Port of San Francisco building. Ab visited Golden Gate Park and Chinatown. We drove over the Golden Gate Bridge and coming back into the city on Monday, we drove down Lombard Street. We ate lots of seafood, both cooked and raw. While the hole-in-the-wall sushi place we discovered on Thursday night was very good (and cheap), I think the fresh oysters in Inverness were the best thing I put in my mouth for the entire trip—well, of food, that is. 😉

All in all, a great trip. Now I need to start looking forward to the next one…

Sweet Dreams March 4, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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His CB is missing!

I love sleeping with my husband. For me, it’s a major bonus of being married—a lifelong slumber party with my best friend. I can count the times we haven’t slept together when we’ve been together on one hand. Sure, we’ve been apart many times in our 32+ years together—I had one job where I was traveling quite a bit—but when we’re at home or traveling as a couple, we’re sleeping in the same bed.

This is why, when I read blogs of women who make their husbands sleep on the floor next to the bed, or in the guest room, or in a cage in the basement, I just shake my head. The latter is usually described as some form of punishment but I wonder who is really being punished? I know that if Ab was down in a cage in the basement, I’d be tossing and turning all night, depriving myself of my much needed rest. This would really be beneficial for one or both of us? I don’t think so.

I mentioned in another post that I was reading GhosTV (another 5-star read in the PsyCop universe, BTW. Highly recommended). The protagonists are Vic and Jacob. They are both tall men, over six feet; Vic is rock-star skinny while Jacob is gym-aficionado muscular. Vic often comments how much he enjoys turning into “the solid wall of flesh” that is his lover. I can empathize. While Ab isn’t as big as Jacob, he is a man with muscles, planes, and angles shaping his body, as opposed to my feminine curves. Like Vic, I like turning into him and feeling him holding me close.

I read another blog that said dominant women shouldn’t spoon with their men—it puts the woman in a submissive position. Seriously, who comes up with these “rules”? Ab can spoon with me all he wants. Again, he holds me close and now I often feel the metal of his Watchful Mistress brush against my ass. Let’s talk dominant, shall we? There he is, caged and loving me, wanting me, and being denied by me. Yes, I think spooning is quite acceptable for a woman in charge. 🙂

My parents slept like Ricky and Lucy, that is, in twin beds. They never had a double bed and in later years, even had separate rooms. This is a mystery to me because they were affectionate with each other and obviously in love. Maybe not a wild, passionate love but certainly one that sustained 56 years of marriage. So I don’t understand how they could give up seven or eight hours of intimacy and closeness every night for their entire married lives. I never asked and I am not going to now—at this point, it’s moot and not really any of my business—but the “sleeping apart” gene is definitely one I did not inherit!

When I was about 12 years old, a new family built a home and moved into our neighborhood. The windows on the second floor were misplaced in relation to the windows on the first floor. Supposedly this was to accommodate the parent’s king-sized bed. I can certainly imagine what was going through my mother’s architecturally-correct mind: “Sex fiends!” she probably thought. “Destroying the fenestration of the house for piece of furniture!” LOL.

While I am hesitant to say “forever” about things—maybe I don’t like to jinx myself—I think it is probably safe to say that Ab and I will be sleeping together for the rest of our lives. That’s a given. Now will he be wearing a cock cage for years to come? Time will tell. 🙂

* * * * *

There is a bit of a flap at Northwestern University, where a professor of human sexuality had an after class demonstration of some kinky sex. Apparently the woman, whose kink is exhibitionism (not too surprising) had her boyfriend get her off with some sort of a device. My newspaper would only call it “a mechanized device.” The Chicago Sun-Times was a little more specific, describing it thus:

The live sex act featured a sex toy that was a modified version of a power tool known as a reciprocating saw, or Sawzall. The tool used at Northwestern featured a phallic attachment in place of the blade.

Sawzall, huh? I want to see what this thing looks like…LOL. I know Ab has a Sawzall and he’s a clever guy…

Naturally, parents and alums are outraged and the president has pledged a full investigation. It doesn’t sound like there is a whole lot to investigate but here we are—sex in America, especially public sex, gets everybody’s panties in a twist. This comment (left on the article at the Sun-Times) sums up my feelings about the whole situation quite nicely:

This is too much for my brain to handle. People who witnessed the demonstration weren’t disturbed by it, but people who didn’t witness the demonstration are disturbed by it. H L Mencken was right: some people are disturbed by the notion that somewhere someone might be having fun.

So true!

* * * * *

I apologize for the lack of updates over the past few days. I’ve been insanely busy this week. The entire month of March is shaping up to be a doozy, to be honest. The good news is, we have a trip at the end of the month to look forward to. Plus, being so busy is helping my cabin fever, which is also good.

* * * * *

Confidential to Harry Haversackers: You mentioned living on the plains in Canada. Many years ago, Ab and I took a two week camping trip and traveled across Canada, via Route 1, from Ontario (Lake of the Woods) to Banff and Lake Louise. We then drove down to Glacier Park in Montana and drove home through the US. We camped for one night in a Provincial Park in either Manitoba or Saskatchewan. It was amazing because we had been driving through miles of flat plains, for hours. The park had a lake that was way down (it almost looked like it had been created by a meteor or something). The lake was good sized with lots of people swimming, boating, and waterskiing. The camping area was very large and nice and looked down at the lake. I can’t remember the name of the park. I have scoured the lists of Provincial Parks and none of the descriptions match my memory of this place. Do you have any idea where we might have been? Thanks in advance!

X-Ray Vision November 3, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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I’ve always been in inveterate crotch-watcher but now it is even more fascinating. “Is that guy packing some plastic?” I think to myself. “Is there a Jailbird tucked among those folds of denim?” Even with all my years of experience as an eye-baller, I have yet to see a man sporting a chastity device—at least that I am aware of. So comments like this, from The Glow Inside blog, make me chuckle:

No matter what you do, your balls are always going to be a target for squishing and your pants are always going to have a large, strange and basically immovable bulge somewhere inside them.

Okay, maybe a guy’s balls will be getting squished and that’s uncomfortable but I have yet to notice “a large, strange and basically immovable bulge” in someone’s pants. And I do look! Who knows how many chastity devices have been sold? I found this comment from Tom Allen posted on a fairly stupid article (but of course, the always eloquent Tom had a good comment and brightened the discourse):

That said, it’s difficult to get solid numbers for the sales of modern chastity devices, but based on various reports form several online adult toy distributors, AL Enterprises, the makers of the CB2000, CB3000, and the CB6000 have probably sold several hundred thousand devices since they started manufacturing them about 10 years ago.

So if they’ve sold several hundred thousand, you’d think that I’d at least notice one chastity device out there in the wild, wouldn’t you? Well, so far nothing. Nada. Zero. Zip. Which translates into, guys, stop worrying how much your device shows in your pants. It doesn’t. At least when your fly is zipped.

This point was further reinforced to me last night. I have been feeling a little unsettled about our rule modification wherein Ab has more access to the key and screwdriver. I realized that I gave him back a little of the control he gave me and that was bothering me. Yes, he told me I could trust him and he would only take off the device to bathe, change it, or take a break because it was painful. Even so, part of me wants reassurance that this is in fact, true. During the day yesterday I didn’t have that reassurance (I suppose I could have asked me to send a picture) so I was feeling a little bit stressed about this. Needless to say, when I got home, my eyes went straight to his crotch.

Not Rudolf Nureyev and no comfort clothes!

Ab was in the kitchen wearing a rather unusual “casual comfort at home” outfit. Let’s just say he looked a little like Rudolf Nureyev in a baggy t-shirt. LOL. Although the t-shirt hung down, the pants should have been revealing enough that if something was going to show, I would have seen it but still, nothing. Verification that the device was in place required a quick hand rub and of course, I had to camouflage that maneuver with a kiss and few sweet nothings of the “I’m so happy to be home and see you, I’ve missed you today,” variety. He responded to that with a little crotch grind which really gave me a chance to verify that yup, the Watchful Mistress was still in place and locked on. That, of course made us even a little more friskier so I had to ask for some visual verification. Ab happily complied.

Whoever would have though a couple could have so much fun with five ounces of metal screwed onto a guy’s genitals? If you told me this back in July, I am not sure I would have believed it. But I am a believer now! 😉

I will say, the Watchful Mistress is incredibly small. Tiny, even. It is only ¼” shorter than the Jailbird, but qualitatively, it looks like we’ve switched from “regular” to “petite.” The cock fills it right up to the end with no room for wiggling or expansion at all. Any arousal goes backwards as I was easily able to demonstrate during my visual verification check. And that backward arousal seems to be hardwired to Ab’s brain as it didn’t take much to get him moaning and groaning. “C’mon, c’mon,” he mumbled, “I’ve gotta cook dinner. We can play afterwards.”

And we did.

As long as I keep working on the reassurance and visual verification, I suspect the Watchful Mistress will stay firmly screwed on. Which is a good thing, all around.

Finding Your Inner Kinkster September 27, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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I received an email from a guy asking my advice on various chastity devices. Since I have experience with two (and we’re waiting impatiently for number three) I told him what I could, for which he thanked me. He then went on to say that at the present moment, he and his wife are practicing chastity on the honor system. Her reluctance to having him wear a device stemmed from her concern that it was too kinky.

That got me thinking about the idea of “too kinky.” Where exactly is the threshold and when does one hit the limit?

If you subscribe to the Dan Savage concept of being GGG together (good, giving, game) then the threshold for “too kinky” is defined by the couple. Chastity works well in this paradigm. Person A brings up the idea. Person B says, “I’ll think about it,” and then after thinking says, “Let’s give it a try.” They try it for awhile and it either works or it doesn’t. This is actually where Ab and I are right now. We’re trying it. He has been very willing to wear a device and let me call the shots about when it comes off and when he has an orgasm. He has also set limits on how long we’ll try this game—currently at six months. Maybe it will get extended longer (right now, I am hoping so) or perhaps we’ll decide that this was fun but it’s not really for us. The point is, even if one person in the couple thinks something is weird or kinky, s/he is willing to open his/her mind to give the experience a fair shake. That’s being GGG.

I am trying to think of something where I might flat out refuse. Fetishes involving bodily discharges (semen excepted, of course) don’t really turn me on. If Ab asked me to pee on his face? I might counter with, “Exactly how am I supposed to do this? You know we have a really small bathroom and I don’t want to do this in bed.” (There’s a good way of wiggling out of something! LOL). Other discharges (I am not going to get too specific here)…I would probably say no. Thing is, I don’t think he is going to ask.

Following this train of thought, if Ab asked me to do something that involved a public display, I would probably have a hard time with that. As I said in another post, I am not an exhibitionist. If Ab said he wanted to wear a wig, make-up, and a dress and go out to dinner, I am not sure I could accede to his request. I am willing to be kinky in private but our sex lives and kinks are not necessarily things I want to share with others.  But if was really important to him, I’d try to work it through in my mind and find a way where I could say yes—or at least come up with an acceptable compromise.

Thinking about this also made me realize: many—most—kinks easily hidden. Even though Ab is wearing a CB and I have the key on my nipple ring, no one outside of us will ever see or know that (of course, my thousands of readers are privy to this private bit of our lives. 😉 ). Yes, a trip to the emergency room might blow our cover (as I mused here) but in that rare instance, chastity is probably going to be the last thing on our minds.

A man who likes to wear lacy panties under his business attire (I suspect this is actually quite common), a woman who likes to wear men’s BVDs—who is ever going to see this, or care? No one. What are kinks that might be visible? Hitting a person to the point that you leave evidence, such as a black eye? (Is that a kink, or abuse?) Fetishes involving hair or nails, both of which take time to grow? Make-up is easy to put on and wash off, as are clothes. Piercings, body modifications? Again, easily hidden. For certain body mods, I think they veer into obsessions, not kinks. See the The Lizardman for an example of this.

Going back to my original email, he said his wife was wondering if it is “too kinky.” I suppose, for a lot of very vanilla people, chastity is kinky. I don’t see it that way—as Sarah Jameson says, it is a gateway kink—but I have come to realize that I have a kinky streak that is a mile wide so I might not be the best judge of what other women are thinking and feeling.

But, maybe it’s not a GGG issue. Maybe it’s a “good girl” issue or “if someone knew I was doing this…” (which seems to be intimately tied up with being a good girl).

I’ve already established that chastity is a private kink. No one, outside of you and your husband/partner needs to know nor is there any way they will easily find out. Bringing up sexual topics in casual conversation with friends or acquaintances just doesn’t happen—at least in my experience (maybe I need new friends!). And if it does come up, then there is probably a reason for the interest. So instead of worrying about being judged negatively, think about being judged positively. “You’re doing what? Oh fuck, I wish I was brave enough to try that…”

Of course, the “good girls” will never be able to see it positively and that will, unfortunately, bring out your inner good girl who in turn, tell you what you are doing is wrong. But it’s not. Women need to learn how to banish their inner good girl—or at least the one who rules the sex roost.

It’s the Madonna/whore conundrum. Men want whores but they marry Madonnas (and no, I don’t mean the singer!). But once you’re married, it’s okay to let loose. And I think, husbands want this. They want their wife to be their beloved life partner and their sexual fantasy. Women, unfortunately, repress those fantasies. That is the reason that for the vast majority of couples who are exploring chastity, it was originally the man’s idea. That statement is probably true for a whole lot of other kinks, too. Men want it, women say no. But the thing is, ladies, if we want to be sexually adventurous, if we want to keep a marriage interesting and sustainable for the long-term, we need to find the kinkster who lives inside.

I started finding my inner kink about three weeks after our wedding. I have a very clear memory of doing some really fun stuff with a wine bottle. 😉  Of course, the next morning, the good girl came out and lectured me. This was the pattern for a long time: try something, feel guilty, retreat until the next time that kinky Dev reasserted herself. It took a long time—years—before I could finally accept that I like sex with a decided edge to it. Now I know I am constantly looking for the next edge. Thus, chastity.

So…my email friend…show this post to your wife. Tell her it gave me some good food for thought and I enjoyed thinking this through in my mind. Have her sit down at the computer with you and look at the CB devices and the ones from Mature Metal, along with any other sites you have bookmarked. Tell her they’ll arrive in a plain brown box…the postman won’t know what he’s delivering (besides, he could care less). Tell her that this is important for you and she’ll enjoy the outcome.

Tell her that being kinky is okay. Because…it really is.

Good luck and report back.


Naturism and Orgasm Denial September 17, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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I posted the other day about what I perceived as a few parallels between naturism (nudism) and male chastity, including: 1) an interest in naturism is usually a long-term fantasy of one of the partners; 2) it requires having a conversation to get involved; 3) it is best enjoyed as a couple with a willing partner; 4) it is a lifestyle that might be perceived as bizarre or odd to those who are on the outside, but for the participants, it is very sane, normal, and quite enjoyable. I don’t think any naturists would argue these four points with me. But I can hear my naturists friends getting up in arms about the following comment: naturists practice a form of orgasm denial. In fact, even though they are loathe to admit it, there is a lot of sexuality mixed in with naturism; I think that it is this refusal to accept (and embrace) the obvious that causes many problems for individual naturists and in the larger naturist movement.

A foundational principle—in fact, the foundational principle—of naturism is that it is non-sexual nudity. No matter what you read, this is the very first thing trotted out and emphasized in bold, CAPITAL letters. It’s the mantra of the movement.


Think about it for a minute. Do you really think living, breathing, red-blooded adults can spend a day, evening, or week naked with other living, breathing, red-blooded adults and not think about sex? Seriously?

What naturism is is nudity in which sexual urges are contained and controlled, so that the participants behave in appropriate and acceptable ways in a public venue. In other words, no fucking on the beach (or next to the pool). And while we’re at it, no fondling, caressing, or massaging, either of self or others. Loving glances are okay and maybe a chaste kiss or two.

I don’t have a problem with these rules. I don’t think I’d particularly enjoy lounging under my beach umbrella while the couple on the next blanket over are going at it like rabbits. Nor does the idea of having public sex with my husband turn me on. Believe it or not, I am not an exhibitionist. (That just made me think of another chastity/naturism parallel: just like some believe that all men who are interested in chastity are submissives, many believe that all naturists are exhibitionists. I don’t think either statement is true.)

Back to being sentient human beings: I think it is only natural that if you spend a day nude, at the beach or wherever, with your beloved life partner at your side (also nude), you will come to the realization that it is a very sensual experience. The warm sun on your skin, the sound of the ocean, getting wet and then the tingly feeling as the salty water dries on your skin…realizing that you are as horny as hell and you can’t do a damn thing about it until you get somewhere private…

Many newbie naturists comment that after their first social nude experience, they go home and have the most mind-blowing sex of their entire life. And why not? You’ve been building towards it all day long. It’s sort of like male chastity on speed. Instead of spending days, weeks, or months locked in a chastity device, you spend one day at the beach. It’s a day long tease and denial session, done in a totally non-physical way.

Here’s a thought: spend a day at the nude beach, then come home and lock your loved one up in his CB or Jailbird or whatever. Gack! It’s enough to make a grown man (or woman) cry. LOL.

Naturists would deny that any of what I have written above is true—they would maintain their stance that nudism is non-sexual. But I would counter that with the following evidence. What is the number one question that someone exploring naturism asks? (Any guesses?)

Here it is: What happens if I get an erection?

The naturists always answer: “You won’t.” But then they add the caveat, “But if you do, just roll over on your towel and think about something else…like a cold shower. That should take care of the problem.”

The thing is, it’s not that men don’t have erections but rather, that they don’t allow themselves to have an erection. And to me, that is a chastity principle. In fact, I suspect that many men who are interested in chastity actually practice “mental chastity” as a prelude to getting a device. The device makes it easier, of course, and it also a visible sign (and reminder) of what a person is trying to accomplish. And as I have mentioned before, I think it’s pretty freaking hot, which feeds back into the sensual/sexual domain of chastity. Controlling erections without a device feeds into the sensual/sexual domain of naturism—the domain that allegedly doesn’t exist. See why I call that bullshit?

It was this denial of sexuality that caused some of my frustration with naturism, particularly at clubs. They tended to have so many rules that were all designed to dis-allow expressions of sexual/sensual feelings. One club we went to (the one to which I shall never return) said that no one could apply suntan lotion to another person; you could only put it on yourself. In fact, they had this little gizmo that you could buy that would allow you to rub suntan lotion onto your own back. How freaking stupid is that? I always maintained that naturists should have one rule, and one rule only: Behave like a responsible, mature adult and don’t do anything that you or others might find objectionable in terms of personal behavior. Instead of trying to deny sexuality, accept it for what it is and then ask people to be chaste. Problem solved.

For the record, I never saw a man wearing a chastity device at a nude venue. I did see plenty of piercings, however, as well as cocks of every size, shape, and color. And…I’ll let you in on a little secret. I did see a few erections—and not just on my husband. 😉

Chastity and Naturism: Some Parallels? September 14, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Back in the day, Ab and I were active as naturists (nudists); we enjoyed it and participated by going to clubs and beaches for several years. We even spent a week at a really nice “Villages des Vacances” in France—believe me, US naturists could learn a lot from the French! Like chastity, naturism was an idea that I brought up; however, the big difference this time was the fact that naturism was something I had known about and been interested in for quite a while. While it had been on the fringes of my mind for years, what sparked my interest was the essay Naked by David Sedaris (included in the book of the same name). Can you tell that reading has a big influence on my life?

As I’ve been thinking about chastity and “the conversation,” I have been reflecting on the idea that there are a number of parallels between the two lifestyles—and in fact, I think it is correct to call them both lifestyles. Here are some of the similarities that I have occurred to me:

Chastity and naturism are both best enjoyed as a couple’s activity. Naturist clubs (don’t call them “nudist colonies”—that term is considered outmoded, outdated, and pejorative) have strict rules about allowing single men beyond their gates; some clubs flat-out refuse them entrance while others have some sort of a quota system to try to maintain a balance of couples to singles. Beaches, of course, cannot restrict entry but single men are often viewed suspiciously, even in the free beach environment.

Likewise, chastity for a single man is difficult. I have read about men looking for women to serve as their keyholders and the challenges they face. Also, being chaste by yourself? One might ask, what’s the point?

Following along these lines, naturism is a whole lot more fun if you have a willing partner who is able to enjoy the lifestyle with you. Ab did participate with me when we went to the beach or resorts; I had many men tell me how envious they were because their wife absolutely refused to consider naturism. She wouldn’t go nude in the house much less consider going to a beach or club where other people could see her! This was a source of great disappointment and also limited their opportunities to participate.

For many men, their wife’s refusal to participate or even discuss the issue is a source of frustration and unhappiness. In fact, I just got an email the other day from a naturist friend I haven’t heard from in a few years. He told me he is living in Florida now—just a few miles from some of the biggest resorts in the US—and his wife remains an “unwilling partner.” Poor guy and frankly, I just don’t get it. But I guess there are people who shut down their mind to anything that is beyond their realm of known experience.

Because naturism is a couple’s activity, that means that—just like chastity—you have to have “the conversation.” And similarly, for many people (myself included), bringing up that conversation means putting a piece of yourself out there to be very vulnerable. A reaction of “You want me to do WHAT?? Are you fucking NUTS?” can be a very personal rejection of something that you long held dear. Fortunately, I didn’t get that reaction from Ab—he was open to the idea from the start and was willing to humor me (as he does in so many ways). But I did lose a few friends—people who just couldn’t cope with the idea of knowing someone who would go to a nude beach. Is it really that radical? I don’t think so but not everyone agrees with me.

I know from comments, discussions, and various posts that the conversation about chastity is just as challenging as one about naturism and rejection of the idea can be very painful. For this reason, people may never bring it up, leading to more frustration and unhappiness—or worse yet, pursuing naturism, or chastity, “on the sly.” In fact, most of the men that I have referred to here or used as examples were “on the sly” naturists. Not a happy situation.

Going along with that idea of radical: to the unknowing or unfamiliar, naturism may seem spectacularly bizarre and chastity may be viewed the same way. But once you get into it, you quickly realize it’s not weird at all. It’s just another way to experience life. If you have a willing partner, both lifestyles have the potential to bring you closer together and open up lines of communication, which in my mind is a good thing.

One place where naturism and chastity diverge—at least according to the naturism spokespeople—is in the area of sex. Naturism is recreational, non-sexual nudism. It has nothing to do with sex. I would argue that is a bunch of malarkey—but making that point is worthy of a post itself, so that’s what I will touch on in the next day or two.

BTW, Ab and I didn’t abandon naturism completely, but we did stop actively going to clubs and beaches. There were a couple of reasons for this. One, our children, who went with us to France and a couple of other clubs, grew into the pre-teen years where it was just not comfortable for them (or us). We needed to respect that. Two, I discovered that I much preferred going to beaches rather than clubs, primarily because of the silly rules that clubs often had. Unfortunately, there isn’t a nude beach within easy driving distance for us (even though we live just miles from the ocean). Third, the nearest club to us (one hour away) has the most restrictive rules you can imagine. After an incident there I vowed never to go back and give them my money or patronage. The point is probably moot, anyway. One rule is “No jewelry below the neck” so my pierced nipples would get me booted off the premises. LOL. I sort of like that idea….

To be continued. Meanwhile, comments, as always, are welcome.

* * * * *

UPDATE from yesterday: I got home last night around 8:30 pm. Ab was watching the football game and dinner was almost ready. We had a nice conversation about this, that, and the other thing. After dinner, he didn’t seem quite as fawning…he even let me help with the dishes. :-D. He went back to the football game and when that was over, he said he was tired and heading for bed. Before he left, however, he commented that he had gone the whole day CB-free, but put it on when he got home. He wanted to know where the spare key was so he’d have it for his shower. I said, “In the usual place. I put it back this morning.”

When I went to bed (about an hour later) I tried to cuddle and snuggle but he wasn’t budging. I think that he was very sound asleep; it wasn’t a case that he was ignoring me or rebuffing my advances.

Six a.m. and he’s the one initiating the cuddling. Fine with me…I was awake! Things heated up in a good positive way. His balls were doing their “chin-up” thing in his CB. I like massaging him behind them (I am not sure what the name of that body part would be, but it gets all engorged and full since his cock can’t and it feels good to rub). The vibrator eventually came out—I had to beg for it but I was glad to see it because it meant he was not sticking to his “no orgasms for Dev” pronouncement from Sunday night. Things wrapped up to a satisfying conclusion for both of us and then it was time to get up and get ready to face another day.

Life feels pretty good right now. 🙂

“Always Wear Clean Underwear” September 9, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , , , ,

I am sure everyone reading this has been told at least once in their youth to always wear clean underwear, lest you end up in the Emergency Room. There is nothing more embarrassing than having to deal with something as drastic as bleeding to death whilst in a pair of holey, dirty undies.

Well maybe there is. Ending up in the ER in a chastity device, without a key handy?

Reading various blogs and forums, it seems to be a real concern of many men that they might be “outed” inadvertently—in a public restroom or gym—and that situation could be very embarrassing. Some men get to the “I don’t give a shit” stage but not all do, and for those men, being discovered or “uncovered” is a very real concern.

I am not negating their feelings.

But what about the ER? That could be a very embarrassing situation, even for the “I don’t give a shit” guys. And what if the wearer doesn’t have a spare key on his person. I can imagine the conversation:

ER nurse: “Um, sir, we need to remove this device so we can do a proper examination. Do you have the key?”

Chaste male: “No, sorry, my wife has it. Do I really have to take it off? I’m here for the gash on my head which has nothing to do with my testicles.”

ER nurse: “Well, sir, we can’t put you through the MRI machine with any metal on your person. We really need to remove the lock. Let me see if I can find the bolt cutters…”

I know different couples handle this different ways, with many men having a spare key in their wallet (or somewhere similar), wrapped up and sealed in such a way that it is theoretically inaccessible but accessible in an emergency. For us, at the moment, I keep the primary key with me and the spare is at home. If Ab were to end up in the ER (God forbid!) I would be rushing to his side with my key hanging on its chain so hopefully bolt cutters would be unnecessary. If he were to travel on a business trip, which is not usual, then I would probably give him the spare, sealed in paper and tape with instructions to only be used only in an extreme circumstance. The whole situation poses some interesting, potential dilemmas that are intriguing to think about.

I, too, have been giving some thought to being “outed.” I think the number of women with pierced nipples is relatively small and the number of them wearing a key on one ring is even smaller still. What if someone suddenly yanked up my shirt and saw the key. What could I possibly need to lock that is so precious to me that I need to wear the key next to my body, close to me at all times? My husband’s cock, of course, but that is not something that is easy to admit in polite company.

I’ve thought about the fact that I decided to put the key on my nipple ring, rather than just on a chain around my neck. I feel that, in some ways, it levels the chastity playing field for us. Ab has something on his private parts that could be potentially embarrassing if accidentally discovered; I too have something on my private part that could also evoke the same reaction. It is a way of showing that my commitment to his chastity is as great as his.

I realize that the only thing holding the key on my nipple ring is a little gold chain with a small clasp that is easily opened, so there is an order of magnitude difference between what Ab is wearing versus me. Still, I haven’t taken the key off in the 2+ weeks since I first put it on. Even so, I am toying with the idea of finding something different to wear as a keyholder—something not as easily opened and more difficult to remove. We’ll see where I go with that thought.

* * * * *

Regarding the spare key: as I discussed the other day, during the week (for the present moment, at least) Ab has access to it for showering. When I got home from work yesterday, Ab was in his CB and locked up, but the key had obviously been moved, so I assume he used it. I didn’t ask. I don’t want to sound like a shrew and I need to trust that he’s willing to play the game following the rules we have established: CB off for bathing, but no self-stimulation.

In the night, Ab spoons up next to me, and I can feel his cock in his CB. The lock has a little sharp edge that sometimes rubs against my ass. I don’t mind it, at all. It feels very erotic and sexy. I like looking at the device, and touching it. Sure, it could be sexier—the plastic and white pegs are really sort of pedestrian looking. But it’s the concept that is erotic and thus I am willing to put up with something that is functional, even if it is not beautiful. And I do like having a chaste man at my side.

Suckling: It’s Not Just for Babies September 4, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , , , ,

Out there in the world, there are “tit men” and “ass men.” Given the title of this blog and the picture on the right hand side, it’s probably not too hard to figure out which camp my husband belongs to.

Back when I was young—and thin—I had perky tits. Now, many years, two children, and forty pounds later, they have matured into lovely, elegant, womanly breasts. Like any of us who have made it successfully to this stage of life, they have a few scars from various biopsies and other mishaps. They have a beautiful heft and weight and I love playing with them. I don’t confine them in a bra because living, organic objects should not be held hostage in wire and polyester.*

A few years ago, Ab started suckling—nursing—at my breast. Being a tit guy, I knew he liked licking and playing with my nipples; I thought if I taught him how to suckle, like a baby does, it might be an added dimension of fun for him. And boy, was I right!

Just to be clear: we are not in an adult nursing relationship (which involves actual breastfeeding, 20 minutes on each side, multiple times a day) nor am I lactating. (We just sent our youngest off to her freshman year in college, so my breastfeeding days are long over!) What he does do is nurse at my breast—usually the right side, because he sleeps on my right—at night, for about 20 minutes or so. He snuggles up close; I put my arm around his head and shoulders and pull him in closer and offer my breast. He pulls it deep into his mouth (not just the nipple—suckling includes the nipple, areola, and however much more of the breast he can fit in his mouth), and begins sucking. His tongue compresses my breast against the roof of his mouth. No teeth are involved.

Done right, it doesn’t hurt and can go on for ages. For us, 20, maybe 30 minutes is about the max before we both are asleep.

Ab finds it incredibly relaxing. For me, all the good memories of breastfeeding my children flow back and thus, it puts me in a totally centered and peaceful place. It is one of the most intimate and loving things we do.

I bring this up because I’ve noticed that over the past few weeks, Ab has been suckling more often. I wonder if it related to those 3 am erections that he is not having? I’ll notice that he is restless next to me (ever since we’ve had children, I’ve been a very light sleeper) so I’ll just turn on my side, pull him close to me, offer my breast, and get him to latch on. I can physically feel his restlessness subside, his breathing slows, and within a very little while, he goes back to a deep sleep. And me? I usually go to sleep too, but not before he does.

Chaste men who are reading this: if you are looking for a way to add an additional loving dimension to your life with your wife/gf, you might want to try this. In particular, if she breastfed your/her children and enjoyed it, she may very well enjoy the sensual feel of adult suckling. Women who hated breastfeeding might not feel the same way.

I never let Ab near my breasts when I was nursing our children, and I kick myself now about that. I really wonder what it would have felt like when there was actual milk in there. Oh well, nothing I can do at this stage. Maybe I wasn’t as kinky then as I am now. 🙂 Ab, too, has told me that the idea never entered his head. “Your breasts were for the babies,” he said to me recently. “Just watching them feed was enough excitement for me.”

* * * * *

*Just a little comment: I mentioned that I don’t wear a bra. In fact, I have been totally bra-free for 13 years and off and on for most of my life before that. I mention this because it seems to be a concern among men wearing chastity devices that someone will see and wonder what that bulge is in their pants (at least until they get to the “I don’t give a shit and it’s nobody’s business anyway” stage). As a bra-free woman, no one has ever mentioned this to me, and I know it’s apparent, especially in the summer when I’m not all bundled up in sweaters and turtlenecks. I know there are times when people can see my nipple rings through my tee-shirt, and no one has ever mentioned that, either. My point is, that even if someone notices your chastity device (doubtful), and even if that person had a inking of what they were looking at (even more doubtful), I think the possibility of someone saying something is about 1 in 99 million—in other words, it ain’t gonna happen. Based on my anecdotal experience of being a bra-free woman, I really think men in chastity can stop worrying about random, rude strangers, friends, family, or loved ones saying, “Hey, Joe, you look like you’ve got a bunch of plastic in your pants. What’s up with that?”


**Regarding the image: as far as I can tell, there really isn’t such as thing as “National Bra-Free Week.” Oh well. It wold be fun, wouldn’t it?

A Crisis…and Another Unexpected Outcome September 1, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , ,

Late Thursday night, around 11 pm, Ab and I received a phone call. A family member had fallen and injured herself and required hospitalization. This meant that Ab and I would be making a quick out-of-state trip the next morning to deal with the situation. We could have left Thursday night but the ER folks said that probably wasn’t necessary—get a good night’s sleep and wait ‘til Friday to hit the road, they advised.

I knew I was stressed so I took a Xanax to sleep. No lovemaking Thursday night.

Friday morning I faced a bit of a dilemma, especially in light of the revelations of the day before. Ab had made it clear that he totally expected me to be in charge of the Birdcage and when he was confined. That’s fine. I accepted that responsibility on Monday when I took the keys from his hand. So, now we were going to be several hours away from home, dealing with doctors and hospital bureaucracy.

Did I want my sweet husband to face that with his cock in chastity? I thought about that for a minute. Then I realized…yes, I did.

Why? I had to think about that for a minute.

It hit me that having his cock caged is de-stressor for me. Let me see if I can explain. Knowing that he is confined is a delicious, slightly naughty secret. It’s very sexy and very erotic. So in the midst of confusion and chaos, it’s fun to have a sexy secret between us. That helps to ease the stress.

But it is more than that. Our orgasmic pleasure is a mutual bond and right now, it is intricately tied to the device he is wearing. We had four days of fabulous lovemaking and I think in those four days, we fell more in love (if there is a “more” after 32 years!). I didn’t want him to take off his cage because at that moment, it was a very physical representation of what we shared between us. We’d had some emotional changes and growth over the course of the week. I didn’t want to negate that because of a family crisis.

Deep in the back of my mind, I also worried a little bit that if he took it off, he might not put it back on. Yes, he tells me I am in charge but I wasn’t quite at the point of testing that theory.

So, for all those reasons, I wanted him to keep wearing it.

On the other hand, I could totally understand if he asked me to allow him to take it off. While I had some thoughts about sexy secrets and a loving bond, he might feel like he wasn’t ready to face all sorts of red-tape bullshit with eight ounces of metal between his legs. If he said, “I need a break from wearing this to get through this day,” I would have totally understood and whipped out the key in a minute.

As we ran around and got ready to leave on Friday morning, he never brought it up.

But then, what if something happened while we were on the road? Thinking about that, it seemed prudent to take a key with me—but then I made the decision to not say anything about it. I took a private minute to retrieve one of the two keys from the little dish on my bedside table and put it on my key ring with my office keys. Then I put my keys in my purse. Since we were going in Ab’s car, I had no reason to bring my keys—but if something came up or he made a request, I’d be ready.

He never asked, never said anything and as of now, I don’t think he even knows where that particular key is. (The other one, of course, is on my nipple ring, as I talked about here.)

It’s a very interesting feeling to be dealing with doctors, nurses, social workers and a whole lot of other strangers, all the while thinking in the back of your mind, “My husband is wearing a steel chastity device that’s padlocked shut…” What if his shorts fell down? Would people look at him and say, “What the fuck is that?” and go screaming in the other direction? LOL. Or would someone say, “Oh man, you are so lucky. I’ve always want to wear one of those and my wife thought I was a freak for bringing it up.”

Since his shorts didn’t fall down, we’ll never know. 🙂

At the end of the day, I felt like we had passed some sort of a test, or overcome a hurdle. Yes, it is possible to go out in public and not have anyone know. Ab, of course, had been doing that at work all week but this was the first time we had been together and interacting with others, particularly strangers. And really interacting. It’s different than just going to the store.

I also realized that ongoing chastity is very quickly becoming a very important part of our lives. How long this will go on—whether it evolves from a fun, sexy game to be a permanent lifestyle—I have no idea. I do know that right now we are both enjoying it but more importantly, we are finding chastity to have multiple benefits—some of which we didn’t expect at the beginning.

And that’s a good thing.