jump to navigation

If You’ve Seen One Chastity Relationship… April 15, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , ,
add a comment

…you’ve seen one chastity relationship. In other words, it’s not a case of, “If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”

This thought occurred to me today when I received a nice email from a very new keyholder—20 days locked up for her husband. She wrote:

I love everything about it but I’m confused as to how controlling and dominant role I should play. Can you please give me some insight as to how to continue with this lifestyle?

I was flattered to be asked and wanted to give her a good, helpful response. As I thought about it, I realized that don’t know how controlling and dominant a role she should play. That’s something that each couple needs to experiment with and find out on their own.

Now that I have met—in person—another chaste couple, this point was driven home even more for me. L, K, Ab, and I have lots of things in common, including our conceptualization of chastity. But we don’t operationalize it the same way. L goes for very long periods locked, without a single break (he should be up to about six weeks, now, if my math is correct). K is in total charge of the key and L has no idea where it is. Contrast that with us where I have gotten away from micro-managing Ab’s Watchful Mistress. The expectation is that he’ll be locked the majority of the time; if perchance he is out of his device (for bathing or just a little break due to discomfort) that doesn’t mean he can have an orgasm. He knows those are strictly controlled by me.

Ab told me once that not having access to the screwdriver would be a game-changer (ie, changing us right out of the game. LOL). I know that for many women, the symbolism of having and controlling the key is extremely important and a large part of what motivates them to stay with chastity. Clearly my arrangement wouldn’t work for them but understanding this has been an important part of the learning process.

I’ve tried to make it clear in this blog that I am writing about our experience and journey with chastity. If some of my insights and new knowledge is helpful to others, great! But I don’t expect others to “do” chastity the way Ab and I do. For chastity to be effective and really work it has to be individualized and that applies to every dimension of the experience from type of device to duration of lock-up to styles of tease and denial. What works for me may not work for you…(although L did seem to enjoy my teasing technique! 😉 ).

So, to newcomer wife I offer these suggestions as you learn about chastity:

  • Read widely but don’t take everything at face value. Remember that anyone can be anyone on the Internet and there are some “chastity imposters” out there who post their fantasies under the guise of real life.
  • The Keyheld resource is a good place to start to find a variety of blogs that are pretty real and down-to-earth.
  • The Chastity Forum is also a good resource full of real-life people.
  • Talk to your husband. I can’t stress this enough. Good, honest, and open communication is crucial. How else are you going to figure out what’s working for both of you if you don’t talk about it?
  • Remember that this is supposed to be fun. You may find some aspects of chastity are life changing and that’s a little amazing, but don’t lose your sense of humor in the process.
  • If you don’t own one already, go and buy yourself a Hitachi and have your husband learn to use it effectively. In fact, just start thinking about toys in general. This is part of the fun. 🙂

Last but not least (and yes, I am going to blow my own horn)—I hope you’ll take time to peruse this blog. Please feel free to leave comments and if you want to send me questions privately, either through the Feedback page or via email, please do. I started writing this in large part because I did not see good resources out there for women and I wanted to do my little bit to change that. I hope you find the information helpful!

Good luck on your journey!

San Francisco and New Adventures April 3, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , ,
3 comments

A very quick update: Ab and I are in San Francisco. We arrived on Thursday and had time for fun together on Thursday evening and Friday through lunch, then I began my work gig. The work was fun and very successful but it was, face it, work, which kept my mind occupied. Ab did do some sightseeing on his own and we had a nice group dinner (work related) last night which was very pleasant.

I finished my contractual obligations about one hour ago and we are here waiting the arrival of two online chastity friends. So, yeah, it’s a little nerve wracking, but in a good way. These are folks I connected with very early on in writing the blog and we’ve been corresponding ever since, plus chatting on the phone. So I feel like we know each other even though we haven’t met in person.

If they were local I might not be quite as nervous but they are traveling from a distance to meet us and visit. It makes me feel–well, special is a good way to put it. At the same time, I hope I live up to expectations! Crazy, wild kinky Dev who in person might just turn out to be a nice, pleasant woman of a certain age, with her equally nice, greying husband (greying hair, that is, not personality).

Aw, why I am worried? I’m sure we’ll have fun. And I am sure that going to the vibrator store and museum will be a definite ice breaker. 😉

Okay, gotta run. More later, my friends!

From the Mailbag: VII January 20, 2011

Posted by Dev in Correspondence, Devices.
Tags: , ,
5 comments

I received a nice email from Wilson—folks might remember his name, he’s the guy who won the Humbler in my limerick contest. He had a comment for my I am Addicted to Faking Orgasms post but for some strange reason, he couldn’t post it. I checked and comments are allowed so who knows what the glitch is. Anyway, rather than posting the comment on the post itself (which is several months old at this point) I thought I’d share it here because it was interesting. Without further ado:

~~~

I got here from your Birthday Wrap-Up post, so I’m a little late to the party, but isn’t that a great thing about blogs: the party is still going on!

Anyway, I have a couple of thoughts about this post:

First, regarding orgasm ability and the variation thereof among women:

I highly recommend the book Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Mary Roach.

At the start of one chapter, she recounts a fascinating story of how Princess Marie Bonaparte (great grand-niece of Napoleon) had trouble orgasming.  She suspected the problem (or part of it) stemmed from the fact that her clitoris was three inches from her vaginal opening.

However, rather than just superstitiously going ahead and believing that, she tried to find out scientifically: she measured the clit-to-vagina distance of many (hundreds of?) women and compared that to their ability to orgasm through intercourse (and perhaps other ways – my memory is hazy).

I realize you’ve come (or are coming) to grips with your own situation in this regard, and I think that’s fabulous.  I think you might still enjoy that story (and the rest of the book).  There’s another good part, in which the author convinces her husband to have sex with her in a big scanner for some sex researchers.

Secondly, regarding The Joy of Sex:

Wow, did that cover bring back some memories!  My parents had that book—my dad probably bought it—and from that (and his collection of issues of Penthouse Variations*), I had a pretty good—and very liberal!—sex education, despite the efforts of the public school system to give me a bad one**.

One of the best things about The Joy of Sex, in my opinion—and I know this isn’t to everyone’s taste—is that in the (many!) illustrations, the woman is drawn unshaved … all over!  Okay, I don’t think the artist drew leg hair, but both her pussy and armpits are magnificently bushy.

It’s bad enough that US women have been shaving their armpits for almost a century (spurred on, I once read, by some product advertisement that, even then, managed to make women feel self-conscious about their natural bodies!), but the recent trend to have clean-shaven pudenda everywhere drives me to despair!  (And don’t even get me started on the whole idea of labiaplasty!)
_______________________________________________________

* This was back in the 80s, then that magazine hadn’t yet been watered down and could still be a big turn-on.

** And, to be truthful, despite my father’s efforts to hide his porn collection. 😉

~~~

Thank you, Wilson! At one point, I had the sample for Bonk on my Kindle but somehow it got deleted. I am going to get it again and likely read it—I’ve heard about that book for awhile and it sounds like the type of thing I like. I really enjoyed Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by the same author.

As for the clean shaven versus hairy look: well, we’ll just have to agree to disagree on that one. 🙂

* * * * *

The SaSi arrived yesterday. My preliminary review: slightly disappointed. Maybe I have dulled my nerves endings with my use of the Hitachi over the years, but the SaSi just didn’t seem to have much oomph. We’ll keep trying, of course—persistence is a key word here in the Devoted Lover Research Labs. Maybe I just haven’t figured out the right way to hold it, or something.  I’ll report back after more extensive testing.

 

No See the SaSi January 15, 2011

Posted by Dev in Devices, Musings.
Tags: , ,
3 comments

My big Christmas present was supposed to be a SaSi programmable vibrator. Ab had ordered it in plenty of time but unfortunately, it was out of stock and didn’t make it in time for a December 25th delivery. The projected ship date was January 10th, then January 15th. Now we’ve just gotten an email that it continues to be back-ordered for several more weeks. They aren’t even giving us an anticipated ship date this time. 😦

This is a disappointment because this thing sounds fabulous. From the description at the Blowfish website:

Quite possibly this reviewer’s new favorite toy of all time, the SaSi Programmable Vibrator is the next generation of sex toys. Shaped like any discreet, somewhat egg-shaped clit vibe, the SaSi is more than just a vibrator. A small nub on the bottom of the toy pokes up under a soft silicone sheath. Turn it on and this nub starts moving — in semi-circles, up-and-down, in circles, in swoops. Pressed against your clit, it feels remarkably like someone else has a gentle-but-firm finger down your panties, fingering you in a myriad of wonderful ways. Each movement lasts only a short while, but if you like what its doing, you can hit the middle button to tell it “Don’t stop!” and it will obey like a real lover (well, like a real, obedient lover). Best of all, the SaSi learns what you like when you do this, making it better and better able to get you off.

Can’t get off from rubbing alone? No worries, it’s also a vibrator, and you can control how hard it vibes by pressing up or down. Or you can choose not to have vibrations at all. But the additional vibrations make it feel like there’s a vibrating finger down your panties, which adds just enough oomph! to make this toy unlike anything you’ve ever experienced.

Does anyone out there have one of these? Does it live up to the hype? We’re trying to decide if we should cancel the order and try to buy it somewhere else or just wait patiently for it to show up. Ab is leaning towards the latter because he does like doing business with Blowfish. Maybe it will be here for Valentine’s Day…

The Cost of Sex November 20, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , ,
6 comments

Mikecb has a new blog and he had an interesting post the other day on the cost of chastity. He estimated the cost of chastity (based on buying devices) at $540/year or ~$10/week. I think his estimate was actually on the high side because he added a $2000 Neosteel belt to his calculations. Even so, his point is well taken: compared to motorcycles, RVs, ATVs, or golf clubs, chastity is a bargain.

It’s not just chastity, though. Sex itself can be pretty inexpensive. In fact, for years, the only money Ab and I spent on sex was the cost of my prescription for birth control pills (back in the day when I was taking OCPs). Any toys we played with were found objects such as spatulas, chocolate syrup, or whipped cream. The thought of going out and buying something never entered our heads. In fact, I am not sure we even knew there were things you could buy! This was in the pre-Internet days, remember. People didn’t have a world of information at their fingertips like we do now.

The first thing we ever bought—and it wasn’t even purchased as a sex toy—was a little mini-vibrator from Brookstone. It was advertised as a “personal vibrator” and you were supposed to use it on your neck (yeah, right!). They sold them at the cash register and for Ab it was a total impulse purchase.

We quickly discovered that the neck massaging was so-so but on my clit? Oh-la-la! This was when we were still in the “let’s figure out the best way to make Dev have an orgasm” phase of our lives and this little vibrator turned out to be a godsend. Unfortunately, we worked it a little harder than it was rated for and it only lasted a few months. Another trip to Brookstone, another vibrator—we did that for awhile until we realized that at $10 a pop, plus all the batteries—there had to be a cheaper and more environmentally friendly solution. That’s when the Wahl (which plugs into the wall…LOL) entered our lives.

Since then, we have bought a number of “real” or “authentic” sex toys. Even so, if you subtract the $950 we’ve spent on chastity devices, I’m not sure we’ve spent $1000 total. The njoy Pure Wand, one of my favorite things, seemed like a huge extravagance when we bought that for $100—but 24 ounces of surgical stainless steel—that thing will last forever. Ab can put it in my hand when they bury me, or maybe I’ll will it to my children. Factored over the years that we’ve owned it (and will own it), cost per use will probably get down to a penny or so. It’s definitely worth the money!

A million years ago, when I was young and promiscuous, I used to say that sex was the perfect college activity: it was a great way to pass the time, it was fun, and it was cheap. Even now, all these years later with my beloved husband at my side, those words still ring true. Maybe sex isn’t completely no-cost anymore but it is still very affordable, at least in the Devoted Lover household.

* * * * *

I just did some back of the envelope calculating. We are at 97 days since we began our chastity journey on August 16th. Although I haven’t kept strict count, my guess is that Ab has been out of the device for about 159 hours or approximately 6.5 days. That works out that he has been locked up 93% of the time—I’d certainly say we’re getting our money’s worth for our chastity device investment! Since we started, he’s had two orgasms, one ruined orgasm, and one spurt in his CB-6000s. However, I am feeling that a release and orgasm is imminent. 100 days is a nice round number, don’t you think?

Oh! Vibrators! October 13, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , , ,
1 comment so far

A friend emailed me that she got a Hitachi Magic Wand over the weekend and my heart sang with happiness for her. My HMW is the workhorse of the vibrator stable. It’s been around since the seventies (the device that is, not mine…LOL) and even has its own Wikipedia page. As the description suggests, I am sure we are all using them to massage our sore necks and shoulders ;-). From the Wiki page, I found this link to a very good article on female orgasm by Betty Dodson.

You can buy various attachments for the HMW, including a G-spot stimulator but to be honest, I haven’t had much luck with them. I am not sure I can even tell you where they are right now—stuffed in the back of a drawer somewhere, I think.

Somewhat similar to the HMW is this little vibrator, the Ideal, which is cordless and rechargeable. The latter is the reason that it caught my eye because it would be nice to not have a cord dragging all over the place—and to be able to get further away from a plug. Anyone have experience with this one? I am wondering if it has the same oomph as the Hitachi. Comments and feedback are welcome. The two reviews on Amazon (one five star, one one star) don’t provide a lot of guidance.

* * * * *

I wrote a little story, Traveling Light, and posted it over on the Chastity Forum. No sex in this one, just a little fun imagining what it might be like at the airport with a Jailbird in my purse. Enjoy and feel free to leave a comment.

* * * * *

Meanwhile, countdown in the Devoted Lover household continues. T-58 hours until release time on Friday at 6 pm. I know I have to plan on getting home from work on time Friday evening! Lots of moaning and frustration from Ab the past few days—I think this extra week of lock-up has really kicked the game up a notch for both of us. We are definitely looking forward to the weekend and nothing, NOTHING, will interfere with our plans this time ;-), you can be sure of that!

Quotes from Ab: X September 25, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings, Quotes from Ab.
Tags: , , , ,
8 comments

“Aaargh! AAARGH! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!”

That was Ab at 3 am.

We had an unusual night last night. I wasn’t feeling 100%—my breast is still sore (I think it has to do with where I am in my monthly cycle), sometime during the day I twisted my ankle and it was aching and to top it all off, I smashed my thumb. By 10:30 pm, I was feeling the effects of a long, busy week and was ready to hit the sack.

Ab told me he’d meet me in bed shortly. At 10:53 pm I sent a text message that said, “Come to bed, I want to play with my cock.” To be honest, I don’t even remember sending that message. I think I must have been half-asleep and was just throwing out a little spiciness to remind him that we are still playing the game—even if I wasn’t really in the mood.

Next thing I know, it’s 3 am. No Ab next to me in bed and the house is still lit up like a Christmas tree. This is very odd. Ab and I both like to sleep in bed—not on the couch, not on the recliner. We even take naps in bed. Not having him next to me was strange.

I got up to find out where he was. He had fallen asleep in the easy chair in the kitchen! He was awake now, though. We turned off all the lights, started the dishwasher and went to bed—back to bed for me.

A few hours sleep was enough to take the edge off my aches and pains and suddenly, we were lunging at each other like a pair of demented rabbits. “Aaargh! AAARGH!” shouted Ab, literally at the top of his lungs. “I so fucking want it!” he moaned.

I wasn’t much better. I writhed. I squirmed. I shouted too. Out came the Hitachi Magic Wand—no starting with the Wahl, we went right to the big boy. I was very conscious of the key, which was still next to me on the bedside table. Could I unlock him? I so wanted to feel his velvety cock skin. I knew it would be smooth and hard. I knew his erection would be perfect.

I also knew that if I unlocked him, we’d be fucking, he’d be coming, and that would be that. No ruined orgasm or orgasm denial for for Ab. This would be the real thing.

In the end, it was a moot point. I’m not sure I could’ve gotten the CB unlocked and off, even if I decided that was what I wanted to do. The way we were thrashing around, the last thing I could have accomplished was getting a tiny little key in a tiny little lock and getting the whole contraption off his junk. So, it just stayed.

We shouted some more, got the hormones flowing at top speed and then…puddle time. Ab went to sleep pretty quick. I lay awake for awhile and just enjoyed the afterglow. For a few minutes, I was able to forget my boob, my ankle and my sore thumb. Life was very good in the wee hours of the morning.

* * * * *

Underwear Update: Ab’s underwear arrived on Thursday. First up for review: Calvin Klein Men’s Body Thong

Pros: Very attractive, very comfortable (according to Ab) and well-fitting. Provides good support. He wore it all day without any problems.

Cons: The waistband is a little wide, according to Ab. He said for men who are used to wearing underwear, they might not mind it, but it felt big to him. To me, the logo is quite noticeable (I get tired of designers plastering their name all over everything). That said, it does remind me of Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox)  in Back to the Future when he was wearing his Calvins, so I guess I don’t mind the logo all that much.

Overall: A-

Specs: 100% cotton, machine wash. Purchased from Amazon. Price: $18 (although it is on sale right now for $13.50)

* * * * *

Correction: Yesterday in the blog I wrote that Ab would wake up every morning and masturbate next to me. He took issue with that. “It wasn’t everyday,” he said. “It was more like once a week.”

“Once a week?” I replied. “I don’t think so. I knew what you were doing over there.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t doing it everyday.”

“Well,” I said, “my recollection is that it was pretty frequent. If not everyday, then maybe every other day.” I paused. “Why didn’t you wake me up, anyway? Why masturbate if I was right next to you. I mean, I was awake.”

“Yes, but you pretended you were asleep.”

“Even so…”

“You gave off a vibe you didn’t want to be disturbed.”

Oh. Okay. Things are better now.

The other day I mused about a comment in Cricketed’s blog.

I can’t even imagine masturbating anymore.  The idea of it strikes me as ridiculous, to tell the truth.

“Do you feel that way?” I asked Ab.

He shook his head. “No, not at all,” he replied honestly.

“Do you think you could get to that point?”

He paused. “I’m not sure. Maybe? But is that what I want?”

Personally, I think it’s an admirable goal.

* * * * *

One last update: A few weeks ago, Ab said he’d be willing to play this game until at least the end of the year. Last night, he said he’d be willing to play for at least six more months, maybe longer. “I’m having a lot of fun,” he said. “You seem to be having a lot of fun.”

“Oh yes,” I agreed. “I certainly am.”

“But it seems to be better if we play for the long haul.”

I nodded.

This is good. I have a guarantee of at least March.

The First Night August 28, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , , , , ,
2 comments

Like I said, Ab met me in the driveway with the news that he locked himself into the Birdcage about five hours prior. Of course, I was full of all sorts of questions, which he was very happy to answer because, yeah, this is a new experience for both of us and it was seriously turning us both on. So very cool.

“I got out of the shower,” says Ab, “and just couldn’t wait.” He gave me a sheepish smile. “I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course it is,” I replied. “It gave you a few hours to get used to it. So…” I ventured. “Any thought of taking it off?”

He shook his head. “No. I like the way it feels. It’s kind of pulling on my balls and it’s…hot.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “And did this hot feeling start immediately?”

“It sure did…and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t masturbate and I didn’t want to look at porn but I was feeling all horny and restless…”

“So what did you do?” I asked.

“Cleaned the house…”

Cleaned the house…oh my. Such a good use for excess energy!

We talked all through dinner and all this talk about cocks and cages had us both panting, so as soon as the dishes were cleaned up, we were dashing for the bedroom.

“What can I do for you, my love?” said my sweet husband, pausing by the side of the bed.

It suddenly hit me…here we are, horny as hell, and no fucking! A world of possibilities opened before me.

“Um,” I said, a little tentative. “A pussy shave?”

(A little aside here…I love having a smooth pussy and I love having it shaved, but I don’t like to do it myself, since it is hard to see what I am doing and I always miss spots. I tried having it waxed, once, but that was a disaster as several of the hairs became ingrown—I ended up with a mass of very painful, little red bumps that took almost a year to resolve. Sigh…).

“Sure,” says Ab. “That sounds like a great idea.” He scurried off to get the supplies and I got comfy, thinking to myself that there was a reason I had bought the giant 3 pak of Edge gel at Sam’s Club a few days before, even though I didn’t know the reason at the time. 🙂

I got a nice, long, slow, sensuous shave, followed by a nice pussy massage with our favorite almond oil. That progressed to a nice breast worshipping session (my husband loves my breasts—I’ll write more about that at another time). Then—after all that—the vibrator came out and ah, bliss…an orgasm for me. We fell asleep snuggling and cuddling.

A girl could get used to this…