the key is on my nipple ring

A Novelty Condom Dispenser November 19, 2010

I had a very colorful dream the other night which has stayed with me for several days. I won’t go into all the details, but a major feature was the presence of a “novelty condom dispenser.” I was with a very attractive young man and presumably we were going to have lots of sex, because he had ordered up two of these items. Since then, I have googled “novelty condom dispenser” and the only thing I came up with was the Halloween costume pictured at left, so maybe this is an idea whose time has come.

In the dream, the novelty condom dispenser was a plastic pyramid, about five inches tall, and colorfully decorated in a distinctly Egyptian theme (think hieroglyphics). There was a small rectangular opening on one of the faces of the pyramid and from that issued a ribbon of condoms, ready to be individually ripped off and used as the need arose. In the dream, the novelty condom dispenser pyramid was reusable. There was an opening on the bottom in which you’d insert a roll of condoms. Although my dream wasn’t specific on this point, I imagine the rolls came in 10 or 25 count lengths.

Attractive. Discreet. Functional.

Thinking about this in the days since, I think a better design would be to have the pyramid be made out of cardboard, similar to a box of tissues. The whole thing would be disposable and a little bit smaller, maybe about three inches high. When the condoms ran out, you’d just buy a new novelty condom dispenser pyramid. The advantage of this is that you could have many designs and patterns. If Egyptian hieroglyphs didn’t fit your bedroom décor, no problem! How about a floral, or a manly plaid, or a neutral pastel?

I read quite a bit of gay erotica and in those stories, the guys are always fishing through the drawer or the pockets of their jeans looking for a condom. Wouldn’t it be much nicer, and more discreet, to have a small, tastefully decorated novelty condom dispenser on the bedside table, next to the tissues and lube, ready for that moment of passion when the need arises for a bit of latex?

What do you think? Is this the next big thing in the world of condoms? Should I be contacting Durex?

As always, comments are welcome!