the key is on my nipple ring

Vanilla Wives October 8, 2010

I was reading a blog the other day and the guy introduced himself thus, “the would-be male sub married to a vanilla wife.” And here we go again with the vanilla wife.

Surfing the Internet, one might get the impression that 8 out of 10 women belong to the category of “vanilla wife.” That got me wondering: what exactly is a vanilla wife? Is there any uniformity in the definition? And is being vanilla necessarily bad? The word tends to be used in a pejorative way.

I really want to throw this out there for comments, but first a few thoughts. From what I have gleaned, the following seem to be a few characteristics of vanilla wives:

• Frequency of sex: they don’t like to have sex all that often. Once a week, on Saturday night? Maybe twice a week?
• Spontaneity: is also not something vanilla wives enjoy. I gather that they like sex to be scheduled and planned.
• Position: traditional missionary with the woman on her back?
• What sex is: vaginal intercourse.
• What sex is not: anal intercourse (or any sort of ass play, I suspect).
• Toys: I have no idea. Do vanilla wives have a toy box, of any sort?
• Cunnilingus, fellatio: yes, no? You tell me

Am I over-simplifying? Does “vanilla” encompass more than just sexual practices and activities?

I also wonder, are some women less vanilla before they get married? Does marriage sort of dampen the fire? I was actually the complete opposite. I certainly had lots of boyfriends and fooled around quite a bit before I got married, but looking back, it was all pretty traditional. But once Ab and I tied the knot, I think I said to myself, “This is it. This is the man you’ll be with for the rest of your life. Let’s figure out how to make our sex life totally fabulous.” And we have.

I’ve read about young people, particularly girls, who desire to be “virgins” when they get married so they do everything possible sexually (including anal intercourse) except vaginal intercourse with the idea that this is keeping them “pure” before marriage. Besides being a pretty fucked up idea of what sex and virginity is, I have to wonder if these kinky kids become vanilla after uttering the words, “I do.” Or, once you’ve let the kinky genie out of the bottle, is there no stuffing it back in?

One last question, are there vanilla husbands?

Have at it, everyone. I look forward to your comments.