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Into Every Life Some Stress Must Fall… September 13, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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…which is a polite euphemism for “Ab and I had an argument.”

I figure I’ve been bragging so much about our good communication, I better ‘fess up and be honest when we hit a rough patch.

Our daughter was home from college for the weekend and it was great to see her but it wasn’t particularly relaxing. We had seven people for dinner on Saturday night and on top of that, we had to run around and do various errands with her. Plus, driving to pick her up on Friday and take her back yesterday meant many hours in the car. So, by dinner on Sunday evening, we were both a little tired and on edge. Also, we have another very busy and stressful week coming up. My mother fell and broke her hip 3.5 weeks ago so we are still dealing with the aftermath of that event, which includes lots of going here and there, taking her to appointments, and so on. Ab and I are truly living “the sandwich generation” experience so it is not surprising that we started snapping at each other.

Ab was annoyed because I had put the spare key away for the weekend, as I said I would. He didn’t remember that, though, and with the kids around, didn’t bring it up. But once everyone was gone, he made it clear he didn’t like wearing the grimy and grubby CB. He wants to take it off for cleaning, end of story, and thinks he should have access to the key. That caused some friction.

For the evening (and through the night) he put the Birdcage on (or as he calls it, ‘Big Ben’), I guess to make the point that it was cleaner. Fine. I told him that all of this wouldn’t be an issue, soon, since I had ordered him a Mature Metal device which would have the advantage of fitting properly and being easier to keep clean. He hit the roof because he thinks I am spending too much money on all of this—he told me to cancel the order. But I am not going to because I do think that fit and cleaning are his/our two big problems right now and I want to take care of that.

Then Ab suggested that maybe we should both be experiencing orgasm denial. Locked up for him, no vibrator for me. This is the ‘tit for tat’ type of arguing that he does and I just got even more annoyed. “What would be the point of that?” I asked. “Well, you could see what I am going through,” he replied. I pointed out that the game was not supposed to be “lock him and leave him.” He countered with, “I am not saying anything about leaving. We could still hug and cuddle—just no orgasms for either of us.”

Maybe this is his frustration at being denied starting to come through?

We didn’t come up with any resolution and just sort of dropped the subject.

This morning, he asked me to unlock Big Ben because it is too big to wear under his jeans. I agreed and pulled out the key. He gets up and leaves before me so I don’t know if he put the CB on or not. However, I noticed that the lock is not next to Big Ben anymore so I suspect that he did. To be fair and live up to my end of the bargain, I put the extra key back in its usual “accessible to Ab during the week” place so it will be there when he gets home (if he needs it). This is Monday, my late night so I won’t be home until long after he has had his evening shower, and if he wants to take it off—well, that is the deal we agreed to. I need to be fair.

I am just looking at this as a little blip. We’ll be back on track in no time, I am sure.

Just to Recap September 11, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Great discussion in the blog yesterday. Thanks to everyone for all their comments (and also for the emails I received that were discussing the issue). I appreciate all the feedback!

Based on all of this, I am going to be ordering Ab a Jailbird from Mature Metal. I’ve traded a couple of emails back and forth with Mr. MM and as many have mentioned, he seems very nice, very responsive, and eager to make his customers happy. This is the configuration I am going with:

Length: 2″ (which is 1/2″ shorter than the CB-6000s; Ab doesn’t fill that all the way up to the end and Mr. MM suggests that getting a shorter one would be a good idea).
Diameter: 1 1/4″ (which is 1/8″ narrower than the CB)
Ring: 1 3/4″ (same as the CB)
Gap: 1/4″ (the size of the small spacer on the CB. Ab has been switching back and forth between the smallest and the next smallest spacer, which Mr. MM tells me is 3/8″. Mr. MM also tells me that the changing from 1/4″ to 3/8″ [or vice versa] is an easy adjustment, if necessary)

Our progression has been that we started out way too big with the Birdcage (which, as I have noted, I think is really meant for play, not serious long-term wear). The CB-6000s is a closer fit but still a little big, so I am going with a slightly smaller, tighter Jailbird which I hope will be the perfect solution. As they say, third time is the charm! He’ll also be back in metal which I think will be a whole lot more satisfactory than the plastic. As for weight: he’ll be going from about 3 oz to 6 oz which is an increase. He complained about the weight of the Birdcage at the end but I think the problem was that it was so big and hanging down, it was more annoying than heavy (the cage on that is 5 inches! And now he’ll be wearing 2? BIG difference).

I am not going to fuss around with doing more measurements or letting him in on the decision this time. I am pulling this back into my hands a little bit and saying, “This is what you are wearing. No ifs, ands, or buts.” This is based on the assumption of good fit and comfort, of course, but I have taken those factors into consideration in terms of what I am ordering.

Mr. MM tells me that it takes two to three weeks to build a device so I now I need to sit back and be patient. Three weeks will bring us to the beginning of October. Maybe we’ll just plan on a fun-filled weekend and he gets his new device as a present at the end. I sort of like that idea.

The other thing that came up in the comments was the idea of  a Prince Albert piercing, which many men have and use to secure their devices. I’ve been after him about a PA for years—I’ve always thought they are hot. I brought it up again last night and got the same horrified look that I always get. LOL. I am probably not going to be able to sway him on this one but I’ll keep talking about it. Actually, talking about piercings has been a fantasy for us so we’ll keep up with that.

As an aside, if anyone would like to read a story where the guy has a couple of piercings and they play a role in the narrative, let me recommend Bad Case of Loving You by Laney Cairo.  It’s a fun story with a nice happy ending.

I was supposed to have a facial this morning but the esthetician just called—she has a bad cold and doesn’t want to breathe in my face. Thank you for that consideration! So, I suddenly have a little bit of free time that I didn’t expect. That’s a nice treat…I think I’ll start filling it up with another cup of coffee and some leisure reading. Oh, and ordering up Ab’s new Jailbird. 😉

Recreational vs. Long-Term Use September 2, 2010

Posted by Dev in Devices, Musings.
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The CB arrived! Hooray! Ab is thrilled. This time, he waited until I got home from work to open it–and, he even let me help him put it on. We played around with the various spacers until we came up with a combination that seemed to work well. We got him all tucked in and he let me click the lock shut. Such a satisfying sound…

Speaking of locks—I thought the Birdcage came with a Masterlock but it turns out I was mistaken. It’s actually a “WolfDog.” The new CB did come with a Masterlock—a very pretty shiny one with two pretty gold keys. I wanted to put that one on but Ab felt there was a difference in weight, so we pulled out the scale. 25 g for the Masterlock vs. 10 g for the WolfDog. Since he has been lugging a serious amount of metal around for the past two weeks, I decided to be kind and put the lighter WoldDog on his new device.

Twenty minutes after wearing the CB, Ab told me the difference is like wearing sneakers versus stilettos. Oh my, the poor guy! He was a good sport, though, and did wear the Birdcage for two weeks, although by the end, he did tell me it was getting pretty uncomfortable (he started calling it “the Chrysler”). ( I just weighed it and found out that it weighs 165 g; with lock that would be 175 g.  For the non-metric types, that would be 6.2 ounces. Anyone have a scale handy to tell me what the CB weighs?) As I said before, this was an impulsive purchase without a lot of prior research. I liked the look of the metal and was influenced by the story I had read. He had no opinion and went along with my suggestion. And while it worked for awhile…

It makes me wonder if the Birdcage is really designed for “recreational” use—ie, chastity play for a few hours or maybe a day on the weekend. Maybe it’s not really meant to be worn for days on end. While Ab didn’t really complain, by the end of the first week, we both knew it was too big and heavy. Like I said, he managed to tough it out for another week, although he asked to have it off on the evening of Aug 27th (and kept it off all night) and then asked to have it off again on the 29th. I gave him ’til lunchtime that day before I was locking him back up. I want him to know I am serious about chastity and orgasm denial.

One advantage of the Birdcage is that it was very easy to clean, being so open and big.

Anyway, he’s in polycarbonate for the moment and happy with that. As I’ve said before, I like the metal devices—they are very sexy to me, in their shiny elemental-ness—but it may be awhile before he is persuaded to wear metal again. I know he will insist on knowing the weight of anything we consider and that will be a big factor in the final decision.

A Crisis…and Another Unexpected Outcome September 1, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Late Thursday night, around 11 pm, Ab and I received a phone call. A family member had fallen and injured herself and required hospitalization. This meant that Ab and I would be making a quick out-of-state trip the next morning to deal with the situation. We could have left Thursday night but the ER folks said that probably wasn’t necessary—get a good night’s sleep and wait ‘til Friday to hit the road, they advised.

I knew I was stressed so I took a Xanax to sleep. No lovemaking Thursday night.

Friday morning I faced a bit of a dilemma, especially in light of the revelations of the day before. Ab had made it clear that he totally expected me to be in charge of the Birdcage and when he was confined. That’s fine. I accepted that responsibility on Monday when I took the keys from his hand. So, now we were going to be several hours away from home, dealing with doctors and hospital bureaucracy.

Did I want my sweet husband to face that with his cock in chastity? I thought about that for a minute. Then I realized…yes, I did.

Why? I had to think about that for a minute.

It hit me that having his cock caged is de-stressor for me. Let me see if I can explain. Knowing that he is confined is a delicious, slightly naughty secret. It’s very sexy and very erotic. So in the midst of confusion and chaos, it’s fun to have a sexy secret between us. That helps to ease the stress.

But it is more than that. Our orgasmic pleasure is a mutual bond and right now, it is intricately tied to the device he is wearing. We had four days of fabulous lovemaking and I think in those four days, we fell more in love (if there is a “more” after 32 years!). I didn’t want him to take off his cage because at that moment, it was a very physical representation of what we shared between us. We’d had some emotional changes and growth over the course of the week. I didn’t want to negate that because of a family crisis.

Deep in the back of my mind, I also worried a little bit that if he took it off, he might not put it back on. Yes, he tells me I am in charge but I wasn’t quite at the point of testing that theory.

So, for all those reasons, I wanted him to keep wearing it.

On the other hand, I could totally understand if he asked me to allow him to take it off. While I had some thoughts about sexy secrets and a loving bond, he might feel like he wasn’t ready to face all sorts of red-tape bullshit with eight ounces of metal between his legs. If he said, “I need a break from wearing this to get through this day,” I would have totally understood and whipped out the key in a minute.

As we ran around and got ready to leave on Friday morning, he never brought it up.

But then, what if something happened while we were on the road? Thinking about that, it seemed prudent to take a key with me—but then I made the decision to not say anything about it. I took a private minute to retrieve one of the two keys from the little dish on my bedside table and put it on my key ring with my office keys. Then I put my keys in my purse. Since we were going in Ab’s car, I had no reason to bring my keys—but if something came up or he made a request, I’d be ready.

He never asked, never said anything and as of now, I don’t think he even knows where that particular key is. (The other one, of course, is on my nipple ring, as I talked about here.)

It’s a very interesting feeling to be dealing with doctors, nurses, social workers and a whole lot of other strangers, all the while thinking in the back of your mind, “My husband is wearing a steel chastity device that’s padlocked shut…” What if his shorts fell down? Would people look at him and say, “What the fuck is that?” and go screaming in the other direction? LOL. Or would someone say, “Oh man, you are so lucky. I’ve always want to wear one of those and my wife thought I was a freak for bringing it up.”

Since his shorts didn’t fall down, we’ll never know. 🙂

At the end of the day, I felt like we had passed some sort of a test, or overcome a hurdle. Yes, it is possible to go out in public and not have anyone know. Ab, of course, had been doing that at work all week but this was the first time we had been together and interacting with others, particularly strangers. And really interacting. It’s different than just going to the store.

I also realized that ongoing chastity is very quickly becoming a very important part of our lives. How long this will go on—whether it evolves from a fun, sexy game to be a permanent lifestyle—I have no idea. I do know that right now we are both enjoying it but more importantly, we are finding chastity to have multiple benefits—some of which we didn’t expect at the beginning.

And that’s a good thing.

We’ve Come to the Sad Realization… August 31, 2010

Posted by Dev in Devices, Musings.
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…that the Birdcage is too big.

No, Ab didn’t try to escape from it or something—as he says, he’s not Houdini—but the fact is that he only fills up about half of it.

If you look at the seriously sexy picture at Extreme Restraints, the model cock fills it out nicely. As my husband and I were on our impulsive buying spree, we looked at the picture, looked at him, and noticed we had a choice of “medium” or “large.” (I find it amusing that it is not offered in size small.) Well, from the minute it arrived, it was obvious that the guy in the picture is clearly more well endowed than my husband. His poor little cock looked cute, but obviously was not model caliber.

Interestingly, even with all that room, he still couldn’t get an erection that would fill the empty space. That must be the effect of the ring around his scrotum.

Anyway, even though it was big, the size did not really seem to be a problem, since it felt comfortable under his clothes. That is, until the weather changed.

We are having one of the warmest summers on record here in New England, so we have all been living in summer clothes and Ab has been wearing nothing but shorts. Then, last weekend, we hit a little bit of a cold spell, complete with rain. Out came his jeans from the bottom drawer where they have been packed away since June.

Suddenly, the Birdcage was not nearly as comfortable. He was busy adjusting it around and moving it and feeling much more self-conscious that it was visible in his pants. I assured him that it was not noticeable but he replied that as a long-term solution, this may not be the best device.

Okay, time to do some research. We actually didn’t do much research the first time but in the week since the Birdcage arrived we’d both been busy reading various blogs so we were ten times more knowledgeable than we had been before.

I like metal so I was very interested in the handcrafted devices from Mature Metal, in particular the Jail Bird. I liked the idea of the custom fit. Unfortunately, Ab balked at the price ($260). He felt, from reading various blogs, that going with one of the CB devices made more sense, at least at this stage of the game. We hemmed and hawed, looked at various devices, considered the pros and cons and in the end—went with the CB6000-S from Extreme Restraints. I am not entirely happy with the polycarbonate but I figure this is an interim step. Who knows, maybe I’ll have him back in metal by Christmas. 🙂

The one thing I know…I am not particularly fond of the way devices with belts look, so I don’t think we’ll be going down that route. I like the look of the solid metal sheaths which is what got me turned on in the story I read (see that post here). But I also like being able to touch a bit of skin.

Decisions, decisions! LOL. The CB hasn’t arrived yet so we are still in Birdcage-land. As we have more experience, I’ll post our impressions. Meanwhile, comments on what people have used and enjoyed are welcome.

I Didn’t Expect This… August 30, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Ab locked himself into the Birdcage on Monday, late in the day. Monday night we had a wonderful lovemaking session (which I have already written about). Tuesday and Wednesday were similar, minus the shave. My husband was totally devoted to my pleasure and my orgasms because, as he noted, that was the way he was going to derive his pleasure.

Thursday morning we woke up, grabbing at each other again (really, the two of us are acting like a couple of teenagers…and it’s GREAT). Suddenly, I had a pang of guilt. All this pleasure for me…was he really getting off on it? It sure seemed like he was but maybe he was faking it. I know a lot about faking orgasms, as you will come to learn in the future of this blog.

“Uh, sweetheart,” I said, “if you want to take the cage off for a little old fashioned fucking, that would be fine with me.”

He paused and looked down at this cock, slightly straining against the metal that bound it in. “Well, maybe…” he said.

“It’s up to you.”

“Actually, no, it’s up to you,” he said. “You are the one who controls my orgasms now. My cock belongs to you.”

Whoa…I didn’t expect that! “Seriously?” I asked.

“Seriously,” he nodded.

“All right then…how about, you can take it off, and you can come…and then if you want, you can leave it off for the day. But I want it back on and locked up by the time I get home from work tonight.”

Ab thought about that for a second. “I think I’d rather wear it today,” he said. “I’ll take it off now but leave the cock ring on. And then I can put it back on when we are done.”

And that’s what he did. Without the cage, but with the ring he was able to achieve a modest erection and the resulting orgasm was mild. He wasn’t complaining but I got the feeling that could’ve lived without it. I almost got the feeling that he was going along with my suggestion to please me and assuage my guilty conscience rather than having any driving desire for his own personal orgasm.

It was a revelatory moment and one I didn’t expect. But it went a long way to helping me understand—and truly believe—that his desire is to please me. He has been saying this to me for several years, but now I have empiric proof that it is true.

No more guilty pangs for me. And the cage has been on continuously since that brief respite. Twelve days and counting.

Quotes from Ab: I August 27, 2010

Posted by Dev in Quotes from Ab.
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As we’ve gone through the past ten days of confinement, my darling husband has come up with a few memorable quotes, which I’ll share on an ongoing basis. This is from the other night…

I find that sometimes I wake up in the night and roll over and reach for his confined cock. I like the feel of the metal cage and I like to gently massage his balls. The other night, when I did this, he said, “You can check if you want, but I’m not Houdini. I’m not getting out of this thing…”


Can a book change your life? August 25, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Especially if it’s not a particularly great book?

I review books for a couple of different websites. A few weeks ago, I was sent Toybox: Cage which is a collection of three short stories that feature the common theme of men with their cocks in “cages.” The stories were fair, but the whole notion of locking up someone’s cock and denying them orgasms intrigued me. The middle story, The Feel of Steel, was the one I liked best. In this one, the first person narrator is eagerly waiting for Friday evening when his Master, Big Boy, lets his cock go free before another week of being locked up. On this particular Friday, Big Boy has a treat for his sub: a brand new cage—a beautiful, shiny metal sheath which is far superior to the plastic one he had been wearing previously.

Even though the story was just okay, the description of his sheath intrigued me and I found myself surfing the web and looking at pictures of various types of various cages, which I quickly learned are more commonly known as male chastity devices (a nicer name, I think).

I couldn’t get the story out of my head and kept thinking about my own husband. Would this be something he’d be interested in? Would he consider wearing a chastity device?

On Friday evening, after a glass or two of wine, I pulled up the Extreme Restraints website and showed him the picture of the Birdcage chastity device. I picked this one because it reminded me of the story, being metal. I also liked the vertical lines.

“What do you think?” I asked.

“It looks a little scary…but it’s also hot.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” I replied.

I told him about the stories and some of the reading I had done about chastity and orgasm denial. This wasn’t a totally new idea (which I will elaborate on in later posts) but the idea of using a device for this purpose was intriguing…and like I said before, seriously hot for both of us.

Somewhat impetuously, we clicked on the order button. No returns, no refunds…did we just throw away $150? Well, maybe we did but in the big scheme of things, it’s not that much money.

Flash forward to Monday. I work late on Mondays and Thursdays, usually arriving home at about 9 pm. My darling Ab always comes out to the car to greet me and carry in my bags. On this Monday, he handed me two tiny keys. “Don’t lose these,” he said.

At first I was puzzled. “What’s this?” I asked.

“It arrived today,” he said, looking down at his crotch.

Whoa! Order late Friday night and it arrives on Monday? I guess the $15 I paid for shipping was worth worth it.

“You’re wearing it already?”

He nodded. “I hope you don’t mind…I opened the box to look at it and when I got out of the shower…well, it seemed like a good time to put it on.”

“All right then,” I said. “And these are the keys…” My voice trailed off.

Ab nodded. He peeked open his fly and showed me the little Masterlock glinting against the metal.

I was seriously turned on, right there in the driveway.

I asked a bunch of questions: how hard was it to put on? How did it feel? Was it heavy? Uncomfortable? The answers: it was a little bit hard to put on but once he figured out the mechanics, it was fine. It feels a little strange, but not a bad strange. Yes, it’s heavy, but not uncomfortable. His summary, “After five hours of being locked up, I’m liking this…”

That was Monday, August 16th. Except for a very brief 30 minute period on Thursday, August 19th he has been wearing it continuously—he is on his twelfth day of confinement. And if I may say, he is loving it. As am I.

To be continued…