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Chastity Evangelist…or Enthusiast? October 26, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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I chuckled yesterday at a comment from Shane67:

In an alternate universe, Dev becomes a chastity evangelist and goes on Oprah…

Evangelist, huh? I will admit, I am enthusiastic and I like to dive into things with both feet, as I have said before. But I am not sure I’d go all the way to evangelist

That got me thinking about chastity enthusiasts—the type of chastity practitioner that I have come to know over the past few months. We seem to share a certain demographic background and mindset to the chastity game. A few traits I have picked up on (and realize, this is the worst type of generalization…I am not trying to be scientific, just noting observations). Chastity enthusiasts seem to be:

  • Married couples, generally m/f (although I have encountered a few gay couples);
  • Age generally over 40 (again, I have encountered a few exceptions);
  • Tenure of marriage 10+ years;
  • Children are usually present in the relationship, mean seems to be two;
  • Interest in chastity usually comes from the man (I am the notable exception!)
  • While it may be a man’s initial idea (and fantasy), women who sign on as keyholders eventually become quite enthusiastic in the role, although this may take time
  • Chastity is the defining characteristic of the game we are playing; it is not a tool in some other scenario (humiliation, punishment, etc.)

With respect to the man’s idea, that seems to break down into two groups: men who have had this fantasy for a long time versus newcomers to the idea. For men who have had the idea a long time, they tend to be quite familiar with the concept, have read blogs and Internet discussion groups (I am sure they were on alt.rec.sex back in the day), are familiar with the variety and types of chastity devices available (including price) and desperately want to be locked up. They struggle with how to broach this subject with their wives, fearing rejection and even ridicule. Something eventually pushes them over the edge and the ensuing discussion and experience, while not completely trouble-free, at least seems to move in a forward direction (again, based on what I have read on blogs and so on).

Newcomer men seem to struggle with some of the same issues as the wives of the “long held fantasy” guys—that is, the idea is intriguing, even a little hot but at the same time it’s sort of weird and maybe too kinky to play with. But they can’t pull themselves away from reading about chastity and learning more. I am reminded of little kids at the ocean—they run up, stick their toes in the surf then realize, ack! It’s cold and run away. But 10 seconds later they are back at the surf, touching their toes to the water. Eventually some—not all—get the courage to plunge in.

And then when they do, they realize—this really isn’t that kinky. It has been mentioned by both Tom Allen and Sarah Jameson that chastity is a gateway kink, and I definitely agree.

Of course that doesn’t stop me from being enthusiastic!

I think the point that newcomer men and worried wives need reassurance on is the fact that putting their toes into the ocean—taking the first step on the chastity path—does not mean that you are invariably heading down a path to humiliation, punishment, or feminization. See my last bullet point above. Chastity is the reason that Ab and I are playing this game. It’s hot and we’re getting off on it. The fact that other insights have come out of this (improved communication, understanding more about masturbation) is just a bonus, not the reason we started playing. For me, I figured this out very early on. Read one of my very first blog posts—I knew right from the outset that I wasn’t moving towards having a husband in diapers and me fucking my big stud lover while he stood by helplessly and watched. Three months later, that fundamental brick in our relationship has not changed.

I can understand why newcomer men and worried wives are anxious. There is a lot of noise out there on the Internet about chastity and some of it is downright bizarre. I will admit to reading many of the more extreme blogs—it’s a little bit like watching a train wreck. I click this link and that link and then the next one…sissy husbands, diapers, shrinking cocks, beatings in the dungeon—it’s odd but weirdly compelling. I fully understand how a person can get addicted to online porn! But what I have been trying to do as I read these blogs is sort through and ascertain: what is total fantasy, what is partial fantasy, and what is real people living real lives.

The real lives people come through pretty easily: me, Thumper, Sarah Jameson, Shane67 (referenced above). As for the others…I am not going to post any links because why should I? I am not here to embarrass or degrade and frankly, if they want to live their more-or-less fantasy life online, they should be able to. I suppose there are people who could/would criticize me and say that everything I’ve posted is completely made up (although I assure you it is not). Still, we find what we want within anything we read, and make our own assessments as to how real, or not, it is.

Anyway, back to the original point—in my estimation the chastity enthusiasts seem to be a pretty normal—dare I say vanilla?—group of kinksters. From what I can tell most of us go about our day-to-day lives looking just like any other couple with the one distinction of—the man in the relationship is wearing a device on his cock that prevents him from having erections and orgasms. Except for that one little blip on the screen, we are completely “normal.” Or maybe it would be safe to say, even with that one little blip on the screen, we are completely normal. In other words…chastity enthusiasts.

For those who are reluctant let me say: “Come on in, the water’s fine.”