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A Slight Change to the Game November 1, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Ab and I have made a slight change to the game in terms of keyholding. A couple of different events transpired to bring about this change. Whether or not it’s permanent remains to be seen but this is the way we are playing right now.

The first thing was an email correspondence that I had with a friend who is about midway through a very long lock-up (110 days). I commented to him that he never seemed to say very much about his wife having the key or any wish he might have to be released. I said that he seemed almost Zen-like in his acceptance. He wrote back and said that was an accurate perception on my part. Although he hadn’t gotten all the way to Zen, at least not yet, he did feel quite complacent and at peace with his present non-orgasmic state.

The next thing that happened was that Ab started to complain about the Jailbird. This surprised me since he’d been wearing it since it arrived on September 30th (not continuously but close to) and so why was it becoming uncomfortable after a month? Ab noted a couple of things. One it had a tendency to twist to the left (a 2 o’clock position). While this hadn’t bothered him at first, it seemed to be causing more discomfort now. Second, he was wondering about pubic hairs growing in. Ab has been “smooth” for years and was used to shaving his pubes every other day or so. He had been making do in and around the Jailbird but he was wondering if the lack of a super-clean shave was causing a problem. I have had more than one ingrown pubic hair in my life and I know they can be painful, so his thesis seemed plausible to me.

In the midst of this, the new Watchful Mistress and single locking cock ring arrived.

He had a device-free day during the day on Friday, but made a promise to me that he wouldn’t masturbate or otherwise stimulate himself. In fact, this is when he gave me the puzzled look which I referred to in this post. I am in charge of his orgasms. Of course he wasn’t going to do anything. He is totally accepting of that state of affairs.

Friday night we were both in frisky moods and wanted to play around but I said he needed to lock up first. We have a rule that fetish clothing can only be worn when locked up. That was fine…the new Watchful Mistress went on and stayed on into the day on Saturday. And we had fun.

Saturday night at dinner it was time to talk about where this was heading. I wanted to make sure the new devices were fitting okay and didn’t need to be sent back to MM for adjustments. I also wanted to re-assess Ab’s perception of the game and his commitment to it. Remember—this whole thing was my idea. I need to be sensitive to how he is feeling.

I mentioned my email correspondence. “Tell me,” I said, “there seems to be a psychological component to the key. From what I have read, some guys are sort of obsessed: asking their keyholder if they can be released, even begging and pleading. It’s also very important to that the key be completely inaccessible and kept in an unknown location. At the other end of the spectrum seem to be the guys who are more complacent and accepting—Zen like, in a sense.” Ab nodded. I continued, “If this was a continuum with the ‘anxious for the key’ guys at one and the Zen-guys at the other, where would you fall?”

“About three-quarters of the way along the line,” he said. “Towards the Zen end.”

“So the whole psychological piece of having the key hidden or unavailable isn’t super important?”

“No,” he said. “At least not now. Maybe at the beginning it was but now, it’s more what’s in my head. I have made a commitment.”

To be honest, I wasn’t terribly surprised at this. He did not seem to be all that wound up about the key, especially after the first few weeks. In fact, he even complained a few times about too much metal in his mouth when he wanted to suckle. I thought for a minute. “Okay then, how about this for a proposal. What I want is for you to be wearing something all the time, whether it be the Jailbird, Watchful Mistress, or locking cock ring. ‘All the time’ can be realistically defined…maybe it’s more like 23.5/7 with the device coming off for showering or shaving but basically, something is always on your cock except when I say it’s not. Is this okay?”

Ab nodded.

“But, the change will be that I’ll leave the screwdriver and the key, along with the screw and the lock, out and available to you. You have the flexibility to decide which device you want to wear and can change in and out as dictated by your own personal comfort. You have three to choose from but you can change when you want—daily if you feel like it—if that ensures you are comfortable.”

Ab nodded again.

“Realize, of course, that the cock ring is the least secure in terms of preventing you from touching yourself so if that becomes a problem—too much temptation—you’ll let me know and we may take that one off the list of wearable devices.”

Ab laughed at that. “Wearable devices.” Yes, sometimes I do tend to get carried away!

We shook hands on the agreement then I remembered one last thing. “The screwdriver and/or key must remain here at the house. No taking them with you to work, no carrying them around in your pocket. You can take the device off when you are home—presumably to bathe and shave. I am not giving you a ‘Get out of Jail free’ card.”

“Yup,” Ab said. “That’s fine.”

So that’s where we are now. He put the Watchful Mistress on last evening and sent me a text at lunch today, “So far, so snug.” His immediate impression is that the screw is more effective than the lock because it holds everything together more tightly. The lock had a little bit of wiggle around the shackle and he wondered if that was what was causing the twisting. If this proves to be true, I’ll be sending the Jailbird back to be modified for a screw, too.

I’ll keep everyone posted as to how this new phase of the game evolves. It should be interesting!



1. david - November 1, 2010


You and Ab wisely are considering the different attitudes about the “key”. Like Sarah Jameson says, chastity is a VOLUNTARY activity and an illusion. For us males, the illusion can be a fluid thing. It’s yet another example of how there is no right or wrong way to conduct the game. Kudos to both of you for openly communicating about that.

devotedlvr - November 1, 2010

Thanks, David. Some people focus a lot on the key and that’s important to them. We are starting to realize a different direction.


2. nuts4belle - November 1, 2010

I’ve been wondering how I will be as well. After playing with the honor system for a couple of months, I have a feeling that the device will almost be like an add on. I don’t need to be locked up to know that Belle is in control. I am not permitted to touch myself so I don’t. Any pleasure I would get from it would be vastly overshadowed by my guilt for breaking the rules. We will see how things are in a couple of months, but I would say I’m probably 3/4 to zen as well.

Interested to see how these new rules work out.

devotedlvr - November 1, 2010

Jnuts, I think when the actual device arrives, it is going to be magnitudes of different from the honor system, especially since you’ve been doing the honor system for awhile. Trust me, you are going to be beside yourself with excitement. We were and we didn’t really have an honor system period (and had a crappy device at the beginning. You are going right into a Cadillac. :-)). I am sort of trying to figure out how to get that super-duper excitement back, to be honest. We’re still excited, don’t get me wrong, but the newness has worn off. That’s a bit of a letdown.


3. atone44 - November 2, 2010

I can relate to the individual you corresponded with :), although I don’t think I would describe my state as complacent. Definitely at peace though. Accepting and embracing it too. Complacent would imply (to me at least) that I didn’t care about my orgasm and that is not quite the case. I have just projected that experience in to the future. I don’t want it now and would be disappointed if my wife insisted. Luckily we have discussed it, recently even, and she doesn’t want that any time soon. She said she is actually having a lot of fun making me wait (with a very sincere smile on her face). This is one of the things that gives me strength and satisfaction.

Your comment about the newness wearing off being a bit of a letdown is interesting to me. I have been enjoying that the newness has worn down a little and that this is the new normal. It is part of just ‘being’ and immersing myself in the experience. And for me this is very hot.


4. devotedlvr - November 2, 2010

Thanks, A, for your clarification and expanding a bit on what you meant. This is helpful. I like the words you used: accepting, embracing, projecting the experience in the future.

As for the letdown–I think this is the difference from being on the woman-side vs. the man-side of the experience. Ab may very well be immersing himself and finding it hot. Trouble is, I am not getting that communicated to me. For the past two days, I haven’t been able to do my morning ball massage. Why? Not sure, but I sure do miss it!


5. X-Ray Vision « The Key is on my Nipple Ring - November 3, 2010

[…] point was further reinforced to me last night. I have been feeling a little unsettled about our rule modification wherein Ab has more access to the key and screwdriver. I realized that I gave him back a little of […]

6. Jonathan Robson - November 3, 2010

I think as some commenters have eluded to after being in chastity for a while you reach a level of acceptance, kinda become conditioned to accept that you wife has and grants permission to orgasm and touch yourself etc. I wonder if after long enough a device is needed at all, so maybe he has become conditioned to accept your control

devotedlvr - November 5, 2010

You might be right, Jonathan. But I do like having him in a device. It definitely adds to the hotness factor. 🙂


7. Chastity as a Game…Or? « The Key is on my Nipple Ring - November 10, 2010

[…] of games, it’s been a little more than a week since Ab and I relaxed our rule about having access to the key or screwdriver. While I was a little anxious last week, it seems to […]

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