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Chastity and Naturism: Some Parallels? September 14, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Back in the day, Ab and I were active as naturists (nudists); we enjoyed it and participated by going to clubs and beaches for several years. We even spent a week at a really nice “Villages des Vacances” in France—believe me, US naturists could learn a lot from the French! Like chastity, naturism was an idea that I brought up; however, the big difference this time was the fact that naturism was something I had known about and been interested in for quite a while. While it had been on the fringes of my mind for years, what sparked my interest was the essay Naked by David Sedaris (included in the book of the same name). Can you tell that reading has a big influence on my life?

As I’ve been thinking about chastity and “the conversation,” I have been reflecting on the idea that there are a number of parallels between the two lifestyles—and in fact, I think it is correct to call them both lifestyles. Here are some of the similarities that I have occurred to me:

Chastity and naturism are both best enjoyed as a couple’s activity. Naturist clubs (don’t call them “nudist colonies”—that term is considered outmoded, outdated, and pejorative) have strict rules about allowing single men beyond their gates; some clubs flat-out refuse them entrance while others have some sort of a quota system to try to maintain a balance of couples to singles. Beaches, of course, cannot restrict entry but single men are often viewed suspiciously, even in the free beach environment.

Likewise, chastity for a single man is difficult. I have read about men looking for women to serve as their keyholders and the challenges they face. Also, being chaste by yourself? One might ask, what’s the point?

Following along these lines, naturism is a whole lot more fun if you have a willing partner who is able to enjoy the lifestyle with you. Ab did participate with me when we went to the beach or resorts; I had many men tell me how envious they were because their wife absolutely refused to consider naturism. She wouldn’t go nude in the house much less consider going to a beach or club where other people could see her! This was a source of great disappointment and also limited their opportunities to participate.

For many men, their wife’s refusal to participate or even discuss the issue is a source of frustration and unhappiness. In fact, I just got an email the other day from a naturist friend I haven’t heard from in a few years. He told me he is living in Florida now—just a few miles from some of the biggest resorts in the US—and his wife remains an “unwilling partner.” Poor guy and frankly, I just don’t get it. But I guess there are people who shut down their mind to anything that is beyond their realm of known experience.

Because naturism is a couple’s activity, that means that—just like chastity—you have to have “the conversation.” And similarly, for many people (myself included), bringing up that conversation means putting a piece of yourself out there to be very vulnerable. A reaction of “You want me to do WHAT?? Are you fucking NUTS?” can be a very personal rejection of something that you long held dear. Fortunately, I didn’t get that reaction from Ab—he was open to the idea from the start and was willing to humor me (as he does in so many ways). But I did lose a few friends—people who just couldn’t cope with the idea of knowing someone who would go to a nude beach. Is it really that radical? I don’t think so but not everyone agrees with me.

I know from comments, discussions, and various posts that the conversation about chastity is just as challenging as one about naturism and rejection of the idea can be very painful. For this reason, people may never bring it up, leading to more frustration and unhappiness—or worse yet, pursuing naturism, or chastity, “on the sly.” In fact, most of the men that I have referred to here or used as examples were “on the sly” naturists. Not a happy situation.

Going along with that idea of radical: to the unknowing or unfamiliar, naturism may seem spectacularly bizarre and chastity may be viewed the same way. But once you get into it, you quickly realize it’s not weird at all. It’s just another way to experience life. If you have a willing partner, both lifestyles have the potential to bring you closer together and open up lines of communication, which in my mind is a good thing.

One place where naturism and chastity diverge—at least according to the naturism spokespeople—is in the area of sex. Naturism is recreational, non-sexual nudism. It has nothing to do with sex. I would argue that is a bunch of malarkey—but making that point is worthy of a post itself, so that’s what I will touch on in the next day or two.

BTW, Ab and I didn’t abandon naturism completely, but we did stop actively going to clubs and beaches. There were a couple of reasons for this. One, our children, who went with us to France and a couple of other clubs, grew into the pre-teen years where it was just not comfortable for them (or us). We needed to respect that. Two, I discovered that I much preferred going to beaches rather than clubs, primarily because of the silly rules that clubs often had. Unfortunately, there isn’t a nude beach within easy driving distance for us (even though we live just miles from the ocean). Third, the nearest club to us (one hour away) has the most restrictive rules you can imagine. After an incident there I vowed never to go back and give them my money or patronage. The point is probably moot, anyway. One rule is “No jewelry below the neck” so my pierced nipples would get me booted off the premises. LOL. I sort of like that idea….

To be continued. Meanwhile, comments, as always, are welcome.

* * * * *

UPDATE from yesterday: I got home last night around 8:30 pm. Ab was watching the football game and dinner was almost ready. We had a nice conversation about this, that, and the other thing. After dinner, he didn’t seem quite as fawning…he even let me help with the dishes. :-D. He went back to the football game and when that was over, he said he was tired and heading for bed. Before he left, however, he commented that he had gone the whole day CB-free, but put it on when he got home. He wanted to know where the spare key was so he’d have it for his shower. I said, “In the usual place. I put it back this morning.”

When I went to bed (about an hour later) I tried to cuddle and snuggle but he wasn’t budging. I think that he was very sound asleep; it wasn’t a case that he was ignoring me or rebuffing my advances.

Six a.m. and he’s the one initiating the cuddling. Fine with me…I was awake! Things heated up in a good positive way. His balls were doing their “chin-up” thing in his CB. I like massaging him behind them (I am not sure what the name of that body part would be, but it gets all engorged and full since his cock can’t and it feels good to rub). The vibrator eventually came out—I had to beg for it but I was glad to see it because it meant he was not sticking to his “no orgasms for Dev” pronouncement from Sunday night. Things wrapped up to a satisfying conclusion for both of us and then it was time to get up and get ready to face another day.

Life feels pretty good right now. 🙂



1. Tom Allen - September 14, 2010

For many men, their wife’s refusal to participate or even discuss the issue is a source of frustration and unhappiness.

If you read a lot of the BDSM web groups, you’ll discover a large number of (mainly) men, who desperately want to have some kind of fulfillment of their fantasies, but have met with a lot of resistance from their partners. And again, while a lot of men have no idea how to communicate those desires in a positive way, the problem is not entirely on them; many wives are simply not GGG, or stopped being so because of some perceived imbalance in their relationship. This is sad.

It’s good to see that things have improved at home. If I were Ab, I’d really like to hear more about what *you* think *I* should be getting out of this. I mean, sure, we all love it when our partner is hot and bothered about something, but what is it that you think will keep him stoked?

2. Lega - September 14, 2010

It’s good that it’s going well again. By the way, he didn’t come for how long now? It’s normal to have some problems when you start longer streches of denial. When you get the brand new device, I think you need to sit and talk about going the right way with it. It’s important to set the rules before locking. Set some time for him to adjust with it, but then, when the time period ends, he will need to give you the key and accept the fact that he will not get the key when he wants. I don’t think it’s possible to start with periods longer than one week, two if he is really interested in that.

devotedlvr - September 14, 2010

He last orgasmed somewhere around August 15th. He got locked into the Birdcage on Aug 16th and the CB two weeks after that. So it’s been a month. And yes, maybe that’s a long start, but…

1) He’s had a few opportunities to orgasm (with me) and hasn’t. I think there is something in his mind where he wants to try to go for a long stretch because…

2) Part of what we are dealing with is a quality of erections/quantity of orgasms issue. Which is another way of saying “erectile dysfunction.” What I don’t know (and Ab doesn’t either) is the ED related to age? Daily masturbation with a long refractory period which means not being orgasmic in the evening with me? Becoming too used to his hand? A letter writer also wrote me and commented that when a guy masturbates privately and comes quickly, it doesn’t matter—he’s alone. There is no performance issue. Now, I don’t expect my husband to perform but getting hard enough for a good old fashioned fuck that lasts at least a little while would be nice. We haven’t had that for a while. So…I think Ab realized (even though he didn’t say so to me) that the problem was deep-rooted enough that *no* orgasms for a prolonged period might be a start to sorting this all out.

BTW, in case anyone is wondering, he did try Viagra (briefly). While it worked for erections, he didn’t like the side effects (primarily headache). Plus, both of us would rather avoid medications and try for natural cures, whenever possible. We see chastity as a potential natural cure.

After this first time out, how long we go…we’ll see. It’s all very interesting and I am glad I am documenting all this. It helps me take a pulse on what we are doing and how it is working.


3. Quotes from Ab: VII « The Key is on my Nipple Ring - September 16, 2010

[…] care less about silky, sexy fabrics. (Actually, I could care less about clothes, period, as my naturism post documents.) But he enjoys them and looks good in them so if that’s what turns him on, fine […]

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