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Stages of Acceptance and Eroticizing the Mundane February 13, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Two disparate trains of thought have been running through my mind over the past few days. I have been trying to pull them together because they seem to be related. Let me share them with you.

The first idea I was had to do with the various stages of acceptance a person goes through to accept chastity—or any fetish or kink that his/her partner may present. The scenario that I read most commonly usually has the man presenting an idea to his wife/girlfriend. Rarely do I see that these women are immediately accepting—in fact they may be totally opposed to the notion. The stages seem to be:

 

  • Total confusion
  • Shocked
  • Weirded out (may be as extreme as total revulsion)

    If the woman is moving to be GGG (good, giving, game) then

  • Laissez-faire
  • Cautiously curious
  • Grudging acceptance
  • Enthusiastic participant

From what I have read, some women may stay in the first three stages in an endless loop. Their attitude seems to be, “I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t understand why you want to do that, it’s just weird.” The man, in response, becomes defensive, dejected, perhaps angry or depressed. He may move into “stealth mode” meaning he will participate in the activity, unbeknownst to his wife. Clearly none of this is psychologically healthy for either person.

If the wife decides she is willing to entertain the idea, she moves to the next series of steps. “Laissez-faire” is characterized by an “Okay, if you want to, but don’t ask me to be involved” attitude. Her husband, happy now that he is able to do what was previously forbidden let’s her know that he is grateful; this in turn triggers a cautious curiosity and tentative willingness to learn more. “Grudging acceptance” in chastity might be characterized by, “I’ll take the key but don’t expect much else” or, “I’m willing to play along with this according to some specific ground rules.” The final stage, wherein issues are resolved, is when the wife becomes an enthusiastic participant. This is what I was touching on in this post where I explored the concept of being equally invested.

How long does this take? That is totally individual. It might be years, or maybe a few months. In some couples it may occur fairly quickly.

Kelmag’s blog, Secret Chastity Husband, seems to chart this process quite well. At first, his wife had no interest and in fact, thought that the whole idea was pretty awful. He went into stealth mode—just look at the title of his blog! But they were able to work through their issues and have gotten to what seems to be grudging acceptance. (I know kelmag reads my blog so I’m sure he’ll correct me if I have mischaracterized what he and his wife have gone through.)

I tried to apply this to Ab, me, and chastity. It didn’t entirely work but it wasn’t completely off the mark. One of the big differences was that I introduced the idea to him and—well, frankly, guys have sex on the brain, right? And if his wife brings up a sort of kinky, hot idea, isn’t the husband likely to go along? Ab was confused, at first—he’d never heard of chastity, after all—but quickly moved to the curious stage. Now he is very much an enthusiastic participant, as am I.

All of this got me thinking about other things he had expressed interest in, things I might not have been as willing to accept. I have mentioned before that Ab has a touch of cross-dresser in him—and I wasn’t all that enthusiastic. I’ve tried to analyze my reluctance and I think it’s the fact that he’s a masculine guy and I like masculine men. I had no interest him wearing a wig, make-up, or lacy, frilly women’s clothes. But it was an interest of his and I suspect he might have had some stealth moments that I wasn’t aware of. Either way, he didn’t force the issue and I didn’t bring it up.

This issue has been on my mind more in recent months. I mean, he’s got five ounces of metal screwed on his cock and balls because that’s what I want, so, perhaps I should try to be slightly more accommodating of what he wants. That was the genesis of the idea of a kilt for his birthday—manly enough for me but it’s still a skirt, which gives him that cross-dressing thrill. As a matter of fact, the kilt has been a huge success, so much so that I’m thinking of getting him another one. Not just a comfy kilt to wear around the house, but one of the “real” ones that he can wear out and about. Are you listening to me, Ab? 🙂

He likes wearing the kilt and it makes him happy, so I began to think about another item of clothing that would be manly enough for me and womanly enough to tickle his fetish bone. He off-handedly mentioned having a maid’s outfit for when he does chores around the house. I certainly wasn’t into a black satin thing with layers of petticoats (what maid really dresses like that, anyway?) but something utilitarian would be fine. Once again, Amazon is my friend. I ordered up the housekeeping dress pictured above. It fits well and looks quite nice on him, actually. And when he puts it on, he moves into full housekeeper mode: today he cleaned the house from top to bottom, fixed the drain on the sink, figured out what’s wrong with the broken dishwasher (and we ordered up the necessary part), cooked me a delicious lunch (homemade tomato soup with cheddar-sausage balls on the side) and has a delicious dinner (braised short ribs) bubbling away in the crockpot. Oh, and he washed the dishes because the dishwasher is kaput at the moment.

All this because of a $35 dress? I should have bought one years ago. Oh well, live and learn.

As I was puzzling this out, I read this blog post from Celtic Queen and had an “A-ha!” moment. Sexualizing or eroticizing the mundane. As I said above, guys have sex on the brain. As Celtic Queen discovered, and now I have too, we can use this to our advantage.

To women out there who might be resisting chastity, for whatever reason: try to get over that GGG hump and let your man enjoy it. You may end up with a clean house in the process.

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Comments»

1. Atone - February 13, 2011

your dishwasher is broken again? Maybe you need to get Ab a maytag repairman uniform instead.

-A

Dev - February 13, 2011

Hahahaha, yes…do they have Maytag Repairwomen who wear skirts?

This time it is the pump and motor. The last repair cost $20. This time it’s $140. Still cheaper than a $700 dishwasher.

D

2. mikecb - February 14, 2011

Your dishwasher isn’t broken. He’s still feisty at times! But then again, that’s why you’re buying the riding crops! ;-p

Dev - February 16, 2011

It’s broken but I am hoping this third repair will do the trick. Third time’s the charm, as they say…

D

3. kelmag - February 14, 2011

Dev,

I think you hit the nail right on the head (oops, sorry Ab, didn’t mean to give your beloved any nasty ideas!). My wife definitely started with “weirded out,” bordering on revulsion (compared my CB-6000 device to Hannibal Lecter’s mask). She progressed to “Laissez-faire” after seeing the benefits of male chastity for her. To my continuing disappointment, she has shown no curiousity about it – cautious or otherwise and this after a year of it. In the last few months, she has arrived at “grudging acceptance,” with occasional slippage back to Laissez-faire and occasional leaps to enthusiastic participant (one of which was last night which I will write about in the near future). Her lack of curiousity is puzzling to me – but probably no more puzzling than the male chastity thing is to her. Unfortunately,I think the lack of curiousity does not bode well for the future. And the leaps into enthusiatic participant always require a liberal amount of vodka to allow her to shed her inhabitions. I will press on and hope that eventually she can leap to enthusiatic participant and stay there while stone cold sober.
kelmag

4. another one - February 14, 2011

Very spot-on post! I would have to agree that these seem to be stages when the husband suggests it to the wife.

There have been many suggestions to the wife that have been met with the first three, though there have also been many that went straight to your #4 and later. That can be chalked up to her preferences.

In my particular case, by the time I got around to proposing chastity to her, she’s been so accustomed to me suggesting things she’s never heard of, that she generally does not become shocked or weirded out. If it’s not something she’s immediately into, she spends a lot of time of time in Laissez-faire land.

In our particular journey in chastity, though, we are probably in between Laissez-faire and cautiously curious. There are definite times in which it appears to me that she couldn’t care less. Other times, she’s willing to try a little something.

I’m thoroughly impressed by your own “ah-ha” moment. Your statement “I mean, he’s got five ounces of metal screwed on his cock and balls because that’s what I want, so, perhaps I should try to be slightly more accommodating of what he wants.” That’s the thing! If the person you love really really wants something, it will most likely bring you both joy to do that with the person you love!!! As long as it’s not something you find so repulsive you’d get no enjoyment out of it, it makes perfect sense to do it. And, at the risk of being too effusive in my praise, the fact that you were able to figure out a way to make yourself happy while making him happy, well, that’s perfection.

5. Shadesofme - February 16, 2011

Dev,

If you really want to super-charge Ab’s cleaning abilities, then slip on a pair of your panties on him to wear under his housekeeping dress. What’s the big deal when you won’t even see them as he works. He will appreciate it and I’m sure it will put him in cleaning overdrive.

Shades

Dev - February 16, 2011

I think his silky thongs are sexier than anything in my underwear drawer. LOL. Maybe I’ll have to go shopping…

D

Shadesofme - February 16, 2011

Too funny as I received a few of the Mansilk thongs and briefs from HisRoom from Mrs. Shades for Christmas. They are comfortable so thanks for your HisRoom tip in an earlier post.

Sounds like you need to go to HerRoom or better yet take Ab with
you on a shopping trip. Oh the fun to be had. Happy trails….


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