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Respecting Your Keyholder December 14, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , ,

Jnuts wrote a blog post here where he commented he wanted to call his wife “Mistress.” He wasn’t entirely comfortable with that term for a variety of reasons but at the same time, he wanted to respect her with the honorific.

I understand totally where he is coming from.

When I started this blog, I wrote a manifesto that I wouldn’t be changing Ab into a woman, or dressing him like a maid, or chaining him in the basement as my slave. None of that has changed. I am still calling him Ab, not “sissy,” and I haven’t trotted off to Victoria’s Secret to buy him a new wardrobe of panties. But in spite of this, I have acquired a variety of new names, including Goddess, Mistress, Princess, Beloved, and My Queen.

And you know what? I am not complaining.

I think part of the problem I had with these names at the beginning is that they carried so much baggage. Being a “Mistress” implied that I would need to dress in leather and heels and crack a whip. Really, that’s not my style. Goddess, Princess? The wardrobe options boggle my mind—especially for a woman who likes to go nude at the beach.

On the other hand, I hold the key to my husband’s sexuality. I like being in charge. He wants me to be in charge. As an email correspondent said to me, “Handing over the key is a submissive act.” In that respect, I am a Domme, Mistress, Goddess or whatever term you might want to use. In fact, we put this in our contract. “Ab’s locked up. Dev’s in charge.” Yes, I am.

Once I realized that, I became much more open—and eventually accepting—of being called different names. The names weren’t intended to make me play a role but rather, to help me realize and accept my place in the family. “Dev’s in charge.” This has been true forever. But in recent weeks, I have moved to a higher plane of understanding and acceptance. The names are a sign of respect. I appreciate that and frankly, have started to expect that as part of my role. Hm, it is not too hard to accept the scepter of control with just a little bit of learning.

Doesn’t every little girl want to grow up and be a princess? Guess what…I have. But it’s so much better than the fake princesses that Disney portrays. I am the real thing and living it day-to-day.

Knowing that, Ab can call me anything he wants, as long as it is respectful.

And, every once and awhile, I’ll wear my crown. 🙂



1. mikecb - December 15, 2010


Lol. Thank you for being an inspiration. By the 5th paragraph of my response to this blog, I found myself typing “I feel like a blog post of my own is coming on…” Then I deleted the whole thing.

Now you’ll just have to wait and see what I was thinking.

Ain’t I a tease?!?


devotedlvr - December 15, 2010

A tease! Lots of that going on. I look forward to your post.


2. craig - December 16, 2010

Dev, I’ve been lurking for quite a while enjoying your blog; very interested in how your devoted relationship will progress.

For me part of the pleasure in submission has been being pushed past my comfort zone – which i have then found expands. Of course there is no one path or even a single foundation for the desire to submit or the desire to control.

i look forward to seeing how your path proceeds, curious if you ever choose to revise you manifesto.

i have noticed that you photos seam to include a male on male sex theme and wondered if these were merely attractive men you had found or if this held and interest for you and if you and Ab had ever discussed this.

devotedlvr - December 16, 2010

Hi Craig, welcome. Glad to have you come out of de-lurk mode!

I too am interested in seeing how this journey evolves. Ab does have a submissive streak, that I know. How this manifest itself in days or weeks to come, I’m not sure. But the ride will be fun! As for the manifest–maybe, maybe not. We’ll see. I never expected to be writing a contract, either.

For my photos and attraction to gay men–I am of the mind that if one man is good, two are better. I like the way men look, the angles and planes of their bodies, their daily stubble, their cocks. Yes, cocks. Even if Ab’s is locked up, I still like the way it looks! I don’t know if you’ve heard about the recent popular trend of straight women reading gay fiction–I’m one of those women. LOL. I don’t think I’ll ever read het sex again.

As for discussing it with Ab, not sure what you mean? He knows what I like to read and pictures I like to look at. Do you mean going further–a threesome?


craig - December 16, 2010

Yes that was what i was wondering. Athough i remain very put off by the thought of male – male sex, i have twice been asked by Women in my life if i would suck a cock for them. Both time i have said yes – but they never brought it to fruition. Now the thought of that surrender causes both fear and excitment.

3. devotedlvr - December 16, 2010

Thanks for your comment, Craig. Personally, I think m/m sex is hot and if Ab wanted to participate in some, with me present, I think it would be a hot experience. At the moment, the opportunity isn’t happening but I never rule anything out.

On some of the more extreme FLR blogs that include feminization, sissification, humiliation, etc. they sometimes mention “forced homosexuality.” As you can imagine, I have a *huge* problem with that. ‘Nuff said for the moment, I think…


4. An Apple a Day… « The Key is on my Nipple Ring - December 18, 2010

[…] I say? I pretend he’s my knight in shining armor. Hey, I admitted the other day that I am the Queen. Every Queen deserves a knight, don’t you […]

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