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(Un)Safe Sex with a Sawzall March 5, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: , , ,

After my post yesterday about the incident at Northwestern University, I wondered if Ab would come home with his Sawzall. He didn’t but he did send me a few links for Sawzall adpaters, designed to turn them into fucking machines or the more colorfully named, Fuckzall. Apparently this is what was used in the demonstration sex act for the optional after class viewing opportunity. How did he know about these and I didn’t? He gave me some vague answer that he read about them on Gizmodo. Um, right…

Maybe I am kinkier than I realize, but I think the idea of a Fuckzall is fucking hot. 🙂 I’ve seen Ab’s Sawzall but I have never held the thing. I wonder how slow it can go? Or how fast?

To cure his cabin fever, he decided to renovate one of our bathrooms. He tore everything out, assessed what he needed and then we headed off to Home Depot to buy paint and a new toilet. He also told me that he needed a new Ryobi drill because the charger on the one we have had died.

Because of his work, Ab owns a zillion tools, power and otherwise. Most of them are at the shop and he brings them home when needed here for a project, but we have a few things that are kept at the house, including this particular drill. I have absolutely no clue what’s what and on the rare occasion I need to do something, like hammer a tack, I ask him for the tool and it appears in my hand. To be honest, the more likely scenario is that I tell him, “That tack needs to be hammered” and it gets done without any other intervention from me. The point is, I don’t have a mental inventory of the tools that we own.

Anyway, because Ab does discuss spending money with me, even though I am clueless about the tools around the house, he brought up this drill. He tells me he could buy a drill by itself or he could be a kit which includes a drill, flashlight, and reciprocating saw. Reciprocating saw? The Ryobi version of the Sawzall? My eyes lit up. “And the saw would be battery powered, too, like the drill?” Yes, he said. Okay, now I’m really interested.

At Home Depot, he finds one version of the drill package that includes the drill, flashlight, circular saw, reciprocating saw and a carryall bag for $149. He’s convinced that he saw one at the other Home Depot (when Ab gets into a renovation project, Home Depot becomes his home away from home) that was only $119 and didn’t include the circular saw.

“Go ahead and buy the kit,” I said, thinking of the Fuckzall adapter I have already ordered from Extreme Restraints. (I told you I thought it was hot!)

“No, no,” he said. All he really needed was the drill and a new charger. He could use our existing flashlight on the charger and he really didn’t need another circular and reciprocating saw. He could buy the drill for $49 and save one hundred bucks.

Damn! No battery operated reciprocating saw.

The kicker was, when he got home he found out the charger for the new drill isn’t the same as the old drill, so he can’t charge the flashlight! WTF!

He tells me that he has a different charger at the shop he can bring home so we’ll still have a flashlight but no battery operated saw. Well, I guess I can always go shopping. 😉

* * * * *

If Ab goes after me with the Fuckzall (although I like the thought of doing him…hee hee hee) you can be sure I’ll be checking and double-checking the device to make sure the saw is off and the adapter is on. God knows that this moron was thinking when he put a rubber dildo over the saw, stuck it in his wife, and then proceeded to shred her vagina to ribbons. From Baynet.com:

On March 9, the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office was notified of a Lexington Park, Maryland woman, reportedly aged 27, who was flown to Prince George’s Hospital for an injury which occurred on March 8, as a result of a sexual act involving the use of a reciprocating saw.  The original 911 call was dispatched as a medical emergency.

A man told authorities that he had placed a sex toy on a saber saw blade and that the blade had sawed through the plastic and severely wounded the woman. Trooper 7 transported the woman to PG Hospital. The case remains under investigation at this time. No word on the condition of the woman at this time.

This was two years ago (2009). I wonder what shape she is now and if they’ve played with the Fuckzall since then? LOL.




1. Tom "the tool man" Allen - March 5, 2011

“I ask him for the tool and it appears in my hand.”

Yeah, that’s what she said.

Dev - March 6, 2011

Hahahah! Thanks for a laugh, Tom!

2. Wilson - March 7, 2011

I checked out that Extreme Restraints link you posted and I noticed something. It says, The new style Ryobi reciprocating saws with the quick release will not work with The Fucking Adapter. The old style is fine, it uses an allen screw to tighten the blade.

I noticed that Ryobi is the brand Ab is using, so, since you’ve already bought the adapter (really?), you may need to get him to buy a real Sawzall, if you want a real Fuckzall. 🙂

Dev - March 7, 2011

Actually, he does have a real Sawzall so I guess we will be all set. He was looking at the complete sets of Ryobi tools (drill, saw, etc) but ended up with just the drill.


Wilson - March 7, 2011

Oh, good.

I’ll be interested to hear how it goes, then.

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