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Into Every Life Some Stress Must Fall… September 13, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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…which is a polite euphemism for “Ab and I had an argument.”

I figure I’ve been bragging so much about our good communication, I better ‘fess up and be honest when we hit a rough patch.

Our daughter was home from college for the weekend and it was great to see her but it wasn’t particularly relaxing. We had seven people for dinner on Saturday night and on top of that, we had to run around and do various errands with her. Plus, driving to pick her up on Friday and take her back yesterday meant many hours in the car. So, by dinner on Sunday evening, we were both a little tired and on edge. Also, we have another very busy and stressful week coming up. My mother fell and broke her hip 3.5 weeks ago so we are still dealing with the aftermath of that event, which includes lots of going here and there, taking her to appointments, and so on. Ab and I are truly living “the sandwich generation” experience so it is not surprising that we started snapping at each other.

Ab was annoyed because I had put the spare key away for the weekend, as I said I would. He didn’t remember that, though, and with the kids around, didn’t bring it up. But once everyone was gone, he made it clear he didn’t like wearing the grimy and grubby CB. He wants to take it off for cleaning, end of story, and thinks he should have access to the key. That caused some friction.

For the evening (and through the night) he put the Birdcage on (or as he calls it, ‘Big Ben’), I guess to make the point that it was cleaner. Fine. I told him that all of this wouldn’t be an issue, soon, since I had ordered him a Mature Metal device which would have the advantage of fitting properly and being easier to keep clean. He hit the roof because he thinks I am spending too much money on all of this—he told me to cancel the order. But I am not going to because I do think that fit and cleaning are his/our two big problems right now and I want to take care of that.

Then Ab suggested that maybe we should both be experiencing orgasm denial. Locked up for him, no vibrator for me. This is the ‘tit for tat’ type of arguing that he does and I just got even more annoyed. “What would be the point of that?” I asked. “Well, you could see what I am going through,” he replied. I pointed out that the game was not supposed to be “lock him and leave him.” He countered with, “I am not saying anything about leaving. We could still hug and cuddle—just no orgasms for either of us.”

Maybe this is his frustration at being denied starting to come through?

We didn’t come up with any resolution and just sort of dropped the subject.

This morning, he asked me to unlock Big Ben because it is too big to wear under his jeans. I agreed and pulled out the key. He gets up and leaves before me so I don’t know if he put the CB on or not. However, I noticed that the lock is not next to Big Ben anymore so I suspect that he did. To be fair and live up to my end of the bargain, I put the extra key back in its usual “accessible to Ab during the week” place so it will be there when he gets home (if he needs it). This is Monday, my late night so I won’t be home until long after he has had his evening shower, and if he wants to take it off—well, that is the deal we agreed to. I need to be fair.

I am just looking at this as a little blip. We’ll be back on track in no time, I am sure.

Just to Recap September 11, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Great discussion in the blog yesterday. Thanks to everyone for all their comments (and also for the emails I received that were discussing the issue). I appreciate all the feedback!

Based on all of this, I am going to be ordering Ab a Jailbird from Mature Metal. I’ve traded a couple of emails back and forth with Mr. MM and as many have mentioned, he seems very nice, very responsive, and eager to make his customers happy. This is the configuration I am going with:

Length: 2″ (which is 1/2″ shorter than the CB-6000s; Ab doesn’t fill that all the way up to the end and Mr. MM suggests that getting a shorter one would be a good idea).
Diameter: 1 1/4″ (which is 1/8″ narrower than the CB)
Ring: 1 3/4″ (same as the CB)
Gap: 1/4″ (the size of the small spacer on the CB. Ab has been switching back and forth between the smallest and the next smallest spacer, which Mr. MM tells me is 3/8″. Mr. MM also tells me that the changing from 1/4″ to 3/8″ [or vice versa] is an easy adjustment, if necessary)

Our progression has been that we started out way too big with the Birdcage (which, as I have noted, I think is really meant for play, not serious long-term wear). The CB-6000s is a closer fit but still a little big, so I am going with a slightly smaller, tighter Jailbird which I hope will be the perfect solution. As they say, third time is the charm! He’ll also be back in metal which I think will be a whole lot more satisfactory than the plastic. As for weight: he’ll be going from about 3 oz to 6 oz which is an increase. He complained about the weight of the Birdcage at the end but I think the problem was that it was so big and hanging down, it was more annoying than heavy (the cage on that is 5 inches! And now he’ll be wearing 2? BIG difference).

I am not going to fuss around with doing more measurements or letting him in on the decision this time. I am pulling this back into my hands a little bit and saying, “This is what you are wearing. No ifs, ands, or buts.” This is based on the assumption of good fit and comfort, of course, but I have taken those factors into consideration in terms of what I am ordering.

Mr. MM tells me that it takes two to three weeks to build a device so I now I need to sit back and be patient. Three weeks will bring us to the beginning of October. Maybe we’ll just plan on a fun-filled weekend and he gets his new device as a present at the end. I sort of like that idea.

The other thing that came up in the comments was the idea of  a Prince Albert piercing, which many men have and use to secure their devices. I’ve been after him about a PA for years—I’ve always thought they are hot. I brought it up again last night and got the same horrified look that I always get. LOL. I am probably not going to be able to sway him on this one but I’ll keep talking about it. Actually, talking about piercings has been a fantasy for us so we’ll keep up with that.

As an aside, if anyone would like to read a story where the guy has a couple of piercings and they play a role in the narrative, let me recommend Bad Case of Loving You by Laney Cairo.  It’s a fun story with a nice happy ending.

I was supposed to have a facial this morning but the esthetician just called—she has a bad cold and doesn’t want to breathe in my face. Thank you for that consideration! So, I suddenly have a little bit of free time that I didn’t expect. That’s a nice treat…I think I’ll start filling it up with another cup of coffee and some leisure reading. Oh, and ordering up Ab’s new Jailbird. 😉