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April Orgasm Glass Round-Up May 1, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Hard to believe another month has zipped by! The total coins in the glass this month: 41 cents in the form of 3 dimes, 1 nickel, and 6 pennies. Two of the dimes came, as I have previously mentioned, right at the beginning of the month when we were in San Francisco.  The third dime was just a day or two ago and the other coins were sort of here and there.

Note that there aren’t any quarters or francs. In other words, no orgasms for Ab which means his last one was back at the beginning of March. A nice long stretch…:-) When he reads this, he’ll probably start complaining.

This has actually been a low libido and low sexual activity month for both of us. A number of factors seemed to contribute to that, including a bit of a letdown when we got home from our California trip (retrophobia), a month of rain which would get anybody down, being very busy with work, and last but not least, a new dog. We had a new rescue poodle come live with us on April 9th. She’s doing well and adjusting, but even so, I am reminded that having a new family member, whether human, canine, or feline, will throw anybody’s schedule in disarray. All of these factors knocked us off kilter for a few weeks.

In the “off kilter” stage, Ab decided he wanted to take a little device vacation. He asked me about this but went ahead and did it without really getting an answer from me. Things were okay at first but by day 6 I felt like his attention wasn’t as focused on me as it has been–and as I have come to expect and enjoy. A few sharp words passed between us but the outcome was that he did lock up the next day. He commented that 95% of the time the device is very comfortable and he forgets he is wearing it, but the 5% when it pinches (or whatever) can be very annoying. So…it’s clear that this is a continuing journey to figure out what exactly is right for us, which reinforces to me that what is right for us probably is only us. Chastity is as varied as the couples that practice it.

I am looking forward to May. After a month of rain (April showers) it seems that spring has finally arrived. Ab opened the porch over the past few days (two screens needed to be repaired) and we’ve spent some time out there. I remember the hot days last August sitting out there, reading about chastity on the computer and considering whether we wanted to give this a try. Nine months later it appears that our “try” is successful and ongoing, but we’re still learning. Which I have to admit, is part of the fun!

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Mammogram Day! April 29, 2011

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Yesterday was my annual mammogram. One of those annual rituals that women of a certain age get to go through…LOL.

I got my nipples pierced in August. That particular year, I had my mammogram in July (actually, I had it in July for years because that’s my birthday month. But somewhere along the way I got off schedule and now I have it in April). It took me ages to get my courage up to get my nipples pierced but being just a few weeks post-mammogram was a motivator. I knew I would face questions from the technician and perhaps be told I had to take the jewelry out. I was glad to have eleven months to prepare for that eventuality.

When my first post-piercing mammo rolled around, the tech did ask about the rings and suggested that perhaps I should remove them? I said I’d rather not because I didn’t have the right tool with me (at that point I still had the original captive bead ring that was put in when they were pierced). She said, “Well, okay, but if the radiologist has any problems reading the film or they interfere with the mammogram in any way, you WILL have to remove them.”

Guess what? No problems at all. The rings show up as little circles that stick out from my nipple but really have no impact on the overall mammogram.

By the time of post-piercing mammogram #2 I had my gold rings in. For that one, the technician commented on how pretty they were. No more talk of taking them out.

Last year I had to switch mammogram facilities, due to change in where my gynecologist was working and insurance regulations. They obtained all my old films so of course they saw the rings but I was curious if the new tech would say anything. I actually can’t remember what happened last year so obviously it was no big deal. Yesterday the tech (same woman, as I recall) said, “Still have your nipple rings in?” and I said yes. That was that and we proceeded to talk about the lovely view out of the window of the mammogram room. (This is probably one of the very few mammogram facilities in the world that has an ocean view!)

I haven’t gotten a callback telling me I need to come in for an ultrasound or biopsy, so it seems that all is fine for another year. Phew!

For any women reading this (or for men reading who have loved ones with breasts) remember, mammograms do save lives! I know there is controversy about when to begin and how often. My personal belief is to have a baseline at age 40; frequency after age 40 should be decided in consultation with your primary care provider and based on risk factors and family history. Once you reach age 50, plan on a mammogram annually.

Now that I know (once again) I have healthy breasts, I think I’ll plan to celebrate with letting Ab have some fun tonight–his favorite activity. 🙂

If You’ve Seen One Chastity Relationship… April 15, 2011

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…you’ve seen one chastity relationship. In other words, it’s not a case of, “If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”

This thought occurred to me today when I received a nice email from a very new keyholder—20 days locked up for her husband. She wrote:

I love everything about it but I’m confused as to how controlling and dominant role I should play. Can you please give me some insight as to how to continue with this lifestyle?

I was flattered to be asked and wanted to give her a good, helpful response. As I thought about it, I realized that don’t know how controlling and dominant a role she should play. That’s something that each couple needs to experiment with and find out on their own.

Now that I have met—in person—another chaste couple, this point was driven home even more for me. L, K, Ab, and I have lots of things in common, including our conceptualization of chastity. But we don’t operationalize it the same way. L goes for very long periods locked, without a single break (he should be up to about six weeks, now, if my math is correct). K is in total charge of the key and L has no idea where it is. Contrast that with us where I have gotten away from micro-managing Ab’s Watchful Mistress. The expectation is that he’ll be locked the majority of the time; if perchance he is out of his device (for bathing or just a little break due to discomfort) that doesn’t mean he can have an orgasm. He knows those are strictly controlled by me.

Ab told me once that not having access to the screwdriver would be a game-changer (ie, changing us right out of the game. LOL). I know that for many women, the symbolism of having and controlling the key is extremely important and a large part of what motivates them to stay with chastity. Clearly my arrangement wouldn’t work for them but understanding this has been an important part of the learning process.

I’ve tried to make it clear in this blog that I am writing about our experience and journey with chastity. If some of my insights and new knowledge is helpful to others, great! But I don’t expect others to “do” chastity the way Ab and I do. For chastity to be effective and really work it has to be individualized and that applies to every dimension of the experience from type of device to duration of lock-up to styles of tease and denial. What works for me may not work for you…(although L did seem to enjoy my teasing technique! 😉 ).

So, to newcomer wife I offer these suggestions as you learn about chastity:

  • Read widely but don’t take everything at face value. Remember that anyone can be anyone on the Internet and there are some “chastity imposters” out there who post their fantasies under the guise of real life.
  • The Keyheld resource is a good place to start to find a variety of blogs that are pretty real and down-to-earth.
  • The Chastity Forum is also a good resource full of real-life people.
  • Talk to your husband. I can’t stress this enough. Good, honest, and open communication is crucial. How else are you going to figure out what’s working for both of you if you don’t talk about it?
  • Remember that this is supposed to be fun. You may find some aspects of chastity are life changing and that’s a little amazing, but don’t lose your sense of humor in the process.
  • If you don’t own one already, go and buy yourself a Hitachi and have your husband learn to use it effectively. In fact, just start thinking about toys in general. This is part of the fun. 🙂

Last but not least (and yes, I am going to blow my own horn)—I hope you’ll take time to peruse this blog. Please feel free to leave comments and if you want to send me questions privately, either through the Feedback page or via email, please do. I started writing this in large part because I did not see good resources out there for women and I wanted to do my little bit to change that. I hope you find the information helpful!

Good luck on your journey!

Sometimes You’re Just Not in the Mood April 9, 2011

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I think it is fair to say that Ab and I both have quite active libidos and we’re pretty well matched in the sex drive department. I think a mismatch is a source of stress and conflict for many couples; I am grateful that we don’t have that problem.

That said, it doesn’t mean that we both want to have sex all the time or always at the same time. I can think of times in the past where I would pull the, “Not tonight, honey, I have a headache,” routine. Actually, the more likely scenario was that I would pretend to be asleep as a way to discourage his advances.

That, thankfully, hasn’t happened in ages. One great thing that chastity has done for is make us much more honest with each other about our wants, needs, and desires. Of course, we’re still not 100% in sync about when we want to play around. That would be unrealistic, for any couple, including us. Even so, I’ve realized in the past few weeks that when one or the other of us demurs from having sex, we are able to do so in a loving, polite, and respectful way, which is a far cry from fake headaches and feigning sleep. And that, overall, is a very good thing indeed.

As an example: last Saturday, when we were in San Francisco, Ab woke himself up with a little suckling, which is one of his favorite things to do. It felt good but it wasn’t giving me that twinge of “I want more” that I usually get. His hand moved across my body in his very practiced and familiar way. He played a little and was patient but I just didn’t respond. After a few minutes he stopped. I was a little surprised at that and asked why. He said, “I could tell you weren’t into it. Your mind seemed to be a million miles away.” He was right. Last Saturday was my big day of work and I was keyed up about that—more so than I realized. But my body could tell and it was clear that the pleasure synapses weren’t making it through from the nerve endings to my brain and vice versa.

But it was all okay. He wasn’t annoyed that I didn’t put out and I wasn’t annoyed about any unwanted advances. We both just acknowledged where we were at the moment.

Fast forward one week. It’s Saturday and we’re back at home. Today is the day the new rescue poodle comes to live with us. On top of that, Ab is suddenly very busy at work. He has a ton of stuff to sand and his hand has been cramping. Early this morning, we’re lying together, just quietly talking, and he keeps clenching and unclenching his fist. I reach over and take his hand and give him a hand massage. He thanked me, said that felt good. Then my hand shifts to his cock cage and I proceed with changing the hand massage to a cock and ball massage. Ab doesn’t flinch away or anything but he also doesn’t seem to have any sort of reaction—no “tree trunk erection” as I have nicknamed it. After a few minutes I comment on this and he says, yeah, he’s just not focused this morning, he has other things on his mind. “That’s okay,” I say. “There will be other times.”

So, it seems that maybe we’ve discovered another hidden benefit of chastity. We’ve become very relaxed about sex. It’s comfortable and natural and very good for us. When it happens—which is often—it’s great. When it doesn’t, that’s okay too.

I’ve read about many couples who argue about sex and discover chastity as a way to deal with that problem. That wasn’t an issue for us. Still, even though things were good, I’ve realized another way that chastity is making our sex life and, in turn, our life overall, even better. Funny how that works. 🙂

Monthly Orgasm Glass Round-Up April 8, 2011

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Just to refresh everyone’s memory and bring us up-to-date, here is the inventory of the coins in the orgasm glass:

January: 94 cents with 2 quarters, 1 dime, 5 nickels, and 8 pennies

February: 57 cents with 1 quarter, 5 nickels, and 7 pennies

March: 49 cents with 1 quarter, 1 Franc, 3 nickels, and 9 pennies

March was notable because that was the first month with a Franc for a ruined orgasm. It preceded the quarter-worthy real orgasm by about 20 minutes. I wasn’t sure if Ab would be up for it (pun intended) but he met and exceeded all my expectations. His too. 🙂

April has started off spectacularly well with back-to-back dime-earning multiple orgasmic experiences for me. It was nice to discover that Ab’s not the only man out there who is extremely effective at wielding a Hitachi. This is a definite skill that all men, especially chaste men, should have in their sexual repertoire. Believe me, the women in your lives will thank you for it. 😉

California Dreamin’ April 8, 2011

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What do you get when you mix two chaste men, two keyholders, a mini-Cooper convertible, and California sun? A whole lot of fun.

As I mentioned in my previous post, on Sunday Ab and I met up with likes2blocked and his wife, keyhldr (hereinafter referred to as L and K). Any anxiety I had been feeling dissipated and flew out the window within minutes of their arrival. As K said to me, “It’s good to finally see you in person,” as opposed to meet, because in truth, we had met months ago. This was just the final step of bringing our physical bodies into the same room. Still, I suppose there could have been some awkwardness. What if K wore some revolting perfume? (She didn’t.) Or L didn’t like my haircut? (If that was the case, he didn’t say anything.) But none of that happened. We connected like old friends, getting together for 36 whirlwind hours together.

So, what did we do? Well, we talked a lot, shared a couple of meals, drank like fish, got kinky together, and on Monday, had a day trip to Point Reyes National Seashore, where we oohed and aahed over the amazing scenery and lighthouse, took pictures, and were blown away by the sight of four whales. The weather was spectacular and driving on twisty-turny Route 1 with the top down on the car was a blast. It reminded me that spring will come to Maine (someday) and I will get to drive in my own convertible. And while Maine does have some off-the-charts scenery and lighthouses, we don’t have any roads like the California version of Route 1 (our Route 1 is pretty boring, in contrast). The drive was definitely a peak experience.

As were the back-to-back dime-worthy orgasmic experiences for me. 🙂 . And the chance to do some serious locked man teasing (and that wasn’t just Ab). Like I said, we had a whole lot of fun.

We never did get to the vibrator store but as L said, when you own a Hitachi do you really need anything else? Good point.

Being with L and K reminded me of being with some of my old nudist friends. If you’ve seen someone naked, can there really be any inhibitions in the conversation? I don’t think so. This was similar. I’ve been writing about my sex life in this blog for the past eight months and the man who shares that sex life was right next to me. I knew that L was wearing a Mature Metal Jailbird on his cock and his wife had the key hidden away somewhere. Were there any barriers between us? Of course not.

Don’t get me wrong. We didn’t talk only about sex. In fact, we talked about just about everything under the sun—and then some. But it was fun to have the opportunity to talk about chastity and kinkiness and fetishes and anything else that popped into our heads. I have mused in this blog about how great I think chastity is and how I wish I could talk about it with others but unfortunately, a couple’s sex life is usually not a topic for polite conversation. Well, now I was with friends where it was completely on the table and up for discussion. In that regard, it was a very liberating experience.

That point has been driven home even more in the days since. While I have been blabbing about the absolutely wonderful time I had, I always have to stop short. “How did you meet this couple?” is a common question. “Through the sex blog I write,” is not the appropriate answer, even if it is correct! “What sort of things do you have in common?” Uh, K and I keep our husbands locked up and neither of them has had an orgasm for at least a month? LOL.

Speaking of, Ab didn’t have a San Francisco orgasm, as I thought he might. The opportunity never really presented itself and he didn’t seem to care. His last one was back on March 4th (I am sure he doesn’t know the date but I do). As for the next one? ::shrug:: We’ll know when the time is right.

* * * * *

Sightseeing wrap-up: Ab saw more stuff than me but I did have a few free minutes for fun. I got to ride on the historic streetcars several times, which was a treat. We saw the Castro Theater (from the outside) and the location of Harvey Milk’s camera shop (now a HRC office and shop). We went to the streetcar museum and did some shopping in the Port of San Francisco building. Ab visited Golden Gate Park and Chinatown. We drove over the Golden Gate Bridge and coming back into the city on Monday, we drove down Lombard Street. We ate lots of seafood, both cooked and raw. While the hole-in-the-wall sushi place we discovered on Thursday night was very good (and cheap), I think the fresh oysters in Inverness were the best thing I put in my mouth for the entire trip—well, of food, that is. 😉

All in all, a great trip. Now I need to start looking forward to the next one…

San Francisco and New Adventures April 3, 2011

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A very quick update: Ab and I are in San Francisco. We arrived on Thursday and had time for fun together on Thursday evening and Friday through lunch, then I began my work gig. The work was fun and very successful but it was, face it, work, which kept my mind occupied. Ab did do some sightseeing on his own and we had a nice group dinner (work related) last night which was very pleasant.

I finished my contractual obligations about one hour ago and we are here waiting the arrival of two online chastity friends. So, yeah, it’s a little nerve wracking, but in a good way. These are folks I connected with very early on in writing the blog and we’ve been corresponding ever since, plus chatting on the phone. So I feel like we know each other even though we haven’t met in person.

If they were local I might not be quite as nervous but they are traveling from a distance to meet us and visit. It makes me feel–well, special is a good way to put it. At the same time, I hope I live up to expectations! Crazy, wild kinky Dev who in person might just turn out to be a nice, pleasant woman of a certain age, with her equally nice, greying husband (greying hair, that is, not personality).

Aw, why I am worried? I’m sure we’ll have fun. And I am sure that going to the vibrator store and museum will be a definite ice breaker. 😉

Okay, gotta run. More later, my friends!

And Now Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Chastity Blogging March 25, 2011

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“What happened to Dev?” you might be asking. “She didn’t post for a week!”

Actually, it was ten days. Believe me, I thought about the blog every day, but life—in particular work—had other plans for me.

I am facilitating a big project for a professional organization. It’s a lot of fun but also a lot of work and over the past two weeks it has taken an incredible amount of time (think—every day, evenings, weekends). The good news is that I have managed to stay on track so I am keeping my stress levels under control. The even better news is that the project requires a trip to San Francisco; I’ll be leaving in six days. The best news of all is that Ab is coming with me so we’ll have a mini-vacation. Warm weather, eating out, hotel sex—what more could anyone ask for? Well, Ab might ask for an orgasm or two. We’ll see if that’s in the cards for him. I haven’t made up my mind. 😉

My lack of posting hasn’t meant a lack of chastity, however. Ab’s still a locked boi. Nickels and pennies have been going into the orgasm glass on a regular basis. For Ab, there was a quarter and a franc way back at the beginning of the month but nothing lately. He did take a one-day vacation from his device last Sunday, but not a vacation from being chaste. It was interesting—I saw his Watchful Mistress on the bedside table and I just shrugged. No big deal. A few months ago, I would’ve gotten anxious. It think it’s telling that we’ve gotten to the point where I know and trust that Ab won’t have an orgasm without may say-so and active involvement. I asked him the other day, “Do you miss masturbating?”

“Of course I do,” he replied. “Who wouldn’t?” But missing it doesn’t translate into trying to do something about it behind my back.

I’ve been pondering activities for while we are in SF. I am sure they have much more entertaining toy stores than we have here in Maine. Shopping might be fun—if anyone has any recommendations, please post here. I’ve also thought about a touch of adult entertainment. A million years ago, in Quebec City, we went to a club with “go-go boys” (nude dancing). It was hot and fun and the place was great—a big crowd of men and women, everyone enjoying themselves. I wonder if there is some place like that?

In a different vein, I’ve always wanted to go to the Castro Theater. The day we arrive, Thursday, they will be having a Wizard of Oz singalong at 7 pm! The other option would be to see The African Queen on Sunday afternoon. I really would’ve liked seeing Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure on Friday night but alas, I’ll be working.

I realize I owe my devoted readers some updates—the Fuckzall, Sexy Period panties, and our soon-to-join us new dog. I’ll get to those in the next few days. Right now I need to go to…WORK!

Hugs to all,

Dev

It Gets Better March 25, 2011

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Dan (left) and Terry (right) at the book launch in New York City

Back in September, I posted a link to a video that Dan Savage had made with his husband, Terry Miller, in which they reached out to LGBT youth with the message, “It gets better.” From that one video a movement has been born. More than 10,000 videos have been created and are now hosted on the dedicated It Gets Better website. Thousands of dollars have been raised for important causes, including GSLEN and The Trevor Project. The latest initiative in the campaign occurred on Tuesday, when the book, It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying and Creating a Life Worth Living was released.

I’ve pre-ordered a few books on my Kindle before, but this was the first one I was very excited about receiving. I stayed up until midnight, turned the Whispernet on, and watched it magically download onto my device. So fucking cool!

Here’s the description of the book from Amazon:

Every story can change a life.

Growing up isn’t easy. Many young people face daily tormenting and bullying, making them feel like they have nowhere to turn. This is especially true for LGBT kids and teens who often hide their sexuality for fear of bullying. Without other openly gay adults and mentors in their lives, they can’t imagine what their future may hold. In many instances, gay and lesbian adolescents are taunted – even tortured – simply for being themselves.

After a number of tragic suicides by LGBT students who were bullied in school, syndicated columnist and author Dan Savage uploaded a video to YouTube with his partner Terry Miller to inspire hope for LGBT youth facing harassment. Speaking openly about the bullying they suffered as teenagers, and how they both went on to lead rewarding adult lives, their video launched the It Gets Better Project YouTube channel and initiated a worldwide phenomenon. With over 6,000 videos posted and over 20 million views in the first three months alone, the world has embraced the opportunity to provide personal, honest and heartfelt support for LGBT youth everywhere.

It Gets Better is a collection of expanded essays and new material from celebrities, everyday people and teens who have posted videos of encouragement, as well as new contributors who have yet to post videos to the site. While many of these teens couldn’t see a positive future for themselves, we can. We can show LGBT youth the levels of happiness, potential and positivity their lives will reach if they can just get through their teen years. By sharing these stories, It Gets Better reminds teenagers in the LGBT community that they are not alone – and it WILL get better.

In the days since the book downloaded, I’ve been reading the essays off and on, whenever I have a spare moment. I’ve watched a lot of the videos over the past six months so I am familiar with the type of stories that are told—still they pack an emotional wallop and I find I can only read a few at a time before I need to take a break. But like a hummingbird to nectar, I keep going back for more.

I’m not gay (anyone who regularly reads this blog knows that!) but I was bullied in school—sixth grade was the year from hell. So I know the pain that these authors have experienced and appreciate their honesty and candor in reaching out to young people. As the parent of a bisexual teen, I did everything I could to advocate for her, both in school and out. Fortunately, she went to a high school that was inclusive and accepting. My heart breaks (daily) thinking of children who are scared, fearful, abused, teased—many right in the environment of their very own homes—and who have done nothing wrong except be themselves. I hope they are able to find this book or the videos or both and know that the message imparted is true: it gets better.

This book and the entire It Gets Better project are important. I fully support the work that Dan and Terry are doing and the goals they are trying to achieve. I highly recommend the book; it will remain in a place of pride on the home page of my Kindle (since I don’t put books on the bookshelf anymore!). Please consider a purchase—all proceeds go to LGBT youth projects—and if you can afford it, consider purchasing a second copy to give to a friend, young person, or library. I gifted a copy to my daughter’s high school library. Won’t you join me and do the same?

A Quick Update March 15, 2011

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I apologize for the lack of updates the last few days. Life kicked into high gear right after I wrote my “Luscious Leather” post and hasn’t stopped since. Yikes!

We are looking to adopt a rescue dog that is being fostered in a neighboring state. I have to say, adopting a rescue is akin to adopting a baby! Well maybe that’s an exaggeration but still…We went down to meet her on Saturday. She’s a lovely, sweet dog—just a little over a year old. I hope it all works out.

We hooked our trip down to meet the dog onto another necessary trip  which meant that Saturday we were on the go from 9 am to 6 pm. Phew! Long days like that, with lots of running around, remind me that I am not 23 anymore. Then Saturday night/Sunday morning the clocks changed which wreaked further havoc with my biological clock. All day Sunday I had an upset stomach and felt exhausted. Even yesterday, I hadn’t completely recovered.

As you can imagine, this meant no T&D for Ab and no coins in the orgasm glass for me.

Today I had my butt planted in a chair in a hotel conference room at a day-long retreat. The presentations and discussions were actually interesting so that was a good thing, but I did come home feeling restless—and some horniness was returning. In the mailbox was my eagerly-awaited package from Extreme Restraints. But wait—our daughter was coming home from college for spring break. Damn!!! I didn’t even open the box. No sense in getting wound up if I can’t play with the toys.

The rest of the week—the rest of the month, to be honest—is looking equally busy. Sigh…I suppose it is a good thing that chastity is so totally normal I can’t think of special things to write about and instead, must discuss all the other stuff going on in my life.

And then, I must say, the situation in Japan has me beside myself with unhappiness and sorrow. My prayers and thoughts go out to the people of that devastated nation. I can’t even imagine what it must be like. You wake up on Friday morning thinking life is normal and then normal ends and chaos reigns supreme. It is one of my worst nightmares. In fact, I’ve had bad dreams for the past three nights as my mind tries to process the images and stories that I read in the paper and online.

Anyway, that’s what’s  happening in the Devoted Lover household. I do hope things settle down shortly and we can get back to fun and games but right now I am dealing with busy work, busy lives, worrying about Japan, and having young people at home.

Hugs to all!

Dev