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SWOT Analysis: Chastity January 26, 2011

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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I know many people discover this blog as they search for information on chastity, trying to decide if they want to incorporate chastity into their relationship/marriage. As part of that learning process, people naturally consider the pros and cons. This got me thinking somewhat strategically about chastity and I decided brainstorm a SWOT analysis. SWOT: strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. Traditionally, SWOT focuses on internal (strengths, weaknesses) and external (opportunities, threats) factors. I have decided to operationalize the internal factors (S,W) as the immediate, short-term effects of chastity while the external factors are the longer-term, larger repercussions of chastity on the relationship.

Typically, a SWOT analysis is conducted with a group of people brainstorming in a room. Since I am brainstorming by myself, I definitely welcome comments and suggestions: items that I have missed, which I will add to the lists and items that might be mis-categorized.

For me, the process of thinking this through has been a fun exercise. I hope it is helpful to others!

Strategic Objective: To determine whether to become a chaste couple.

Strengths

The most immediate and short-term effects that couples report from chastity are:

  • Increased intimacy
  • Improved communication
  • Enhanced sex life

Other benefits include:

  • For the man: feeling horny and sexually aroused, especially if he is wearing a device.
  • For the keyholder: feelings of power and control which can be enjoyable.
  • There is an increasing community of chastity enthusiasts on the Internet, thus an opportunity to make new friends.
  • Reading about chastity is an opportunity to broaden your horizons and learn something new.

Weaknesses

  • For couples who choose not to use the honor system, chastity requires purchase of a device which can cost, at a minimum, $150
  • For many (most?) men, wearing a device requires an adjustment/break-in period, which may be uncomfortable.
  • Behavior changes, ie, sitting down to urinate, decreased masturbation; these may not be acceptable to some.
  • Keyholder may perceive chastity as “work” or something else to do/be responsible for.
  • Learning curve requires an investment of time and effort.

Opportunities

  • Couples who engage in chastity report improvements in their relationship that are so profound that they do not want to “go back” to the old way of doing things. Even if they choose to stop using a device, they want to continue the positive benefits of increased intimacy, improved communication, and enhanced sex life.
  • Chastity provides a mechanism for couples to explore deeper needs, desires, and fantasies (“gateway kink” as coined by Tom Allen).

Threats

  • Chastity is not a panacea; for couples with a relationship that is fundamentally not healthy at the core, chastity is not going to fix it.
  • Chastity is a change and for many people, change in and of itself is threatening.
  • Chastity may be perceived as very kinky, weird, or “way out there”; those who are not sexually adventurous may have no interest in chastity as an activity or more broadly, lifestyle.
  • If chastity is a long-held desire by the initiator (often the man), bringing it up is a risk, especially if the other partner is not interested and in fact, may be repulsed by the idea.
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Comments»

1. Michael - January 26, 2011

Looks great Dev.

Michael

devotedlvr - January 26, 2011

Thanks, Michael. No suggestions for additions or changes?

D

2. david - January 26, 2011

JUST when I thought your blog couldn’t be improved upon…you go ahead and add a classic “corporate” technique. The S.W.O.T. has been around a while–so long that it is almost considered passe. However, it was a fantastic application.

Might I suggest PDCA (Plan, Do, Check, Act) as a technique for overcoming any chastity related problems you and Ab might have. PDCA is the “scientific” method developed by Bell Labs almost a 100 years ago.

PDCA is what a team would do AFTER the SWOT analysis.

I can’t decide if you have the most amazing sense of humor….or are lending true credibility to our kink. Either way, it doesn’t matter. This piece truly is the best yet.

David

devotedlvr - January 26, 2011

Wait ’til you read the concept analysis I am working on. 😉

D

david - January 26, 2011

I can hardly wait!

3. Tom Allen - January 26, 2011

Man, one of these days I’m gonna have to drive up there and have a long chat with Abs. How does he manage your geekery?

devotedlvr - January 26, 2011

Hahaha, David thinks I’m amazing and you think I’m a geek! I think I’ll go hang with David and you can spend some time with Ab down at the wood shop. 🙂

D

4. kelmag - January 26, 2011

Dev,

Nice analysis. A few other possible threats:
1. Just revealing the desire for chastity by one of the parties may profoundly change the relationship in terms of how the parties view each other.
2. The activity of chastity may greatly alter the power dynamics between the couple in ways the initiator hadn’t anticipated and in ways that are not welcome – particularly if the change extends outside of the bedroom when it was not intended.
3. That there may be no way to go back to the way it was – i.e. you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.

5. devotedlvr - January 26, 2011

Thanks, kelmag. Good thoughts.

If we get too many threats, who is going to want to give chastity a try? 😉

Number 2 could also be an opportunity, don’t you think (if you delete the not). Even though there may be unanticipated changes they could turn out to be positive and beneficial in the long run, even if they were disruptive and distressing at first.

D

6. Tallestrina - January 26, 2011

As ever, creative post Dev. Made me think! which is the best sort of post. Here’s my 2p worth:

Kinda peripheral strength: Couples who need an extra stimulus after 10 yrs+ together may consider a number of paths, e.g. swinging- chasity is better ‘cos there’s no chance of STDs etc.

Another threat: If you tell your potential partner about CP in a short conversation, they may go away and surf about it and realise that its a “gateway kink” (nice term, Tom) for loads of stuff: BDSM, humiliation, cuckoldry etc – (fine and dandy if that’s your thing, don’t get me wrong!) The partner could then be completely put off the whole thing! Mitigation: DON’T mention CP to your partner unless you are in a position to explain EVERYTHING about where you want to go with this! (I had that conversation with Venus during a long drive before a week’s holiday)
As a good salesman would say (continuing the corporate theme) “Don’t tell them anything until you’re ready to tell them everything”

7. kinkyplay - January 26, 2011

Hmmmm I would also add, stopping a male from being Aroused around others! You would really not want to get hard in some male chastity devises and for some that’s the whole plan!

8. justplaying - January 26, 2011

Love it Dev! Do you have a marketing background? Next thing you know you will be dusting off the old Schrello form for Real, Win, Worth…Is it Real?, Will we Win?, Is it Worth it? I would have never thought to use marketing tools to help explain why chastity. Did you see Celtic Queen’s blog…great tag line “Chastity – wanting something you already have.” Very cool.

devotedlvr - January 26, 2011

I have taken marketing courses but I don’t really have a marketing background. I’ve done SWOT analyses in strategic planning sessions and also for things that involve people, so this seemed like a natural fit for me.

D

9. tcs - January 26, 2011

For me, chastity is kind of like dieting and exercise. Life can be an obstacle to staying balanced with chastity. When I need it most, I can get highly motivated for stretches of time, and then the other stresses of life—work, kids, etc., etc. creep in—basically anything that can sap your sex drive and strain your relationship. So, as I am enjoying it, I also keep wondering what is going to knock me off the wagon.

Some folks mention “gateway kinks”. I don’t think such kinks are bad, but they are kind of “escapist” kinks for me—fun for short periods of time, but don’t have the sustainability and benefits of chastity. The law of dimishing returns kicks in quickly. When I am chaste, I tend to have a better relationship with my wife, eat better, sleep better, have more “sex” and so on.

I think the above is why chastity is more appealing as a couple after a fifteen year relationship and three kids. We don’t have the time and energy to do some of the other things we used to do to stay close. At least for now.

10. tcs - January 26, 2011

How about the term “ratchet kinks”? One you try them, the novelty wears off, and it sets a baseline for the exotic. You end up trying something newer and funkier, which isn’t always bad, but kind of self centered and hard to maintain congruent energy and interest as a couple. With chastity, you have to slow down and savor things together. It’s like being on a first date for an extended period of time.

devotedlvr - January 26, 2011

Oh, I like ratchet kink. For us, chastity started off a little bit that way. We needed something new and different — wanted to kick it up a notch. The thing is, chastity ended up being so much more and it’s great.

D

11. btb - January 27, 2011

Love the SWOT analysis, although let’s not get too many TLA (three letter acronyms) in the mix, or this will all end up on a powerpoint! As for suggestions, here’s a couple:

Opportunity:
Allows the couple to experience a sexual dynamic not focused on the male orgasm (denied) or the male libido (heightened and constant) of the couple. This can impact frequency, but sexual cycles are more defined by the female.

Threats
Is mildly addictive. It changes the “baseline” for what is normal and can be difficult to return to prior “vanilla” relationship, especially for locked male. (I think this is the basis for the “gateway” and ratchet kink discussions above)

As with all threats, they are merely opportunities restated, but if you do Strat Planning, you already know this!

devotedlvr - January 27, 2011

Great suggestions, btb. I really like those additional opportunities and threats. I think if more women realized that they are defining the cycle, they might be more open to chastity. It switches it from the guy pressuring for sex to “I’m in charge.”

And yes, threats restated — as they say, a weakness is just a strength that’s out of control!

D

12. MRbillsails - January 28, 2011

Wow, Great post!
I’ve been following your blog for a while, find the male chastity idea to be very compelling, but as stated above, somewhat scary and threatening.
I like the analogy to the toothpaste, there may be no going back, like it or not.
We are already active with some kink activities such as bondage and spanking, but I’m the one who wants that, my wife could happily do without.
If men are horny all the time, and chaste activity makes them more horny all the time, then I’d wonder why do this?
Anyway, thanks so much for all you do and particularly for taking the effort to make this type of analysis.

13. devotedlvr - January 28, 2011

Thanks for your comment, Mr. Bill, and thanks for the compliment!

Your question, if men are horny all the time, then why do this? My opinion: men like being horny and sexually aroused. Different guys with different kinks get at it different ways. Chastity seems to work well for men who are so inclined.

D

14. Shadesofme - January 28, 2011

Dev,

Great analysis. While trust and transparency are probably a result of improved communication, I think they merit their own recognition.

When a man pledges to his wife that he will not orgasm on his own there is definitely a higher degree of trust that develops assuming he is faithful to the pledge.

I also think that tranparency evolves from improved communication, trust and honesty. Couples become more connected, enhance their bonds and are more apt to share their emotions, desires, feelings and thoughts. As a result their relationship becomes more transparent between them.

I would also add that MC means fewer orgasms for the man which means fewer post-orgasm episodes of bio-chemical changes in his body that triggers selfishness and surliness.

Shades

devotedlvr - January 28, 2011

Oh, Shades, very good additions. Yes, trust is important and I really like the idea of transparency in the relationship.

I made a comment on another blog the other day—one of the blogs where the guy wants to be submissive but his wife isn’t on board with him. He is also interested in chastity. My comment was that perhaps he should address the chastity issue first, then perhaps the submission would follow. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, but maybe transparency is what I was getting at—with chastity in place, they’d be able to get to the point of sharing emotions and desires more fully and honestly.

Thanks for this!

D

15. mikecb - January 28, 2011

Dev,

Wow, I missed this one when you first posted it. What a great analysis. Here’s a few more brainstorming thoughts that may integrate in somewhere.

Weakness: Time and effort to accommodate times when the device must be removed. Doctors, Gym, TSA checks, etc.

Threat: Preconceived notions. Will he become a sissy-maid-cuckhold-creampie-eating-wimp?

Threat: Bad assumptions at the outset. What does “Chaste Couple” mean? Many men overload the fantasy with too many assumptions when they propose it to their partner, undermining the whole concept.

Weakness: The reality may not be what either partner hoped. Real life trumping the eroticism necessary to make it palatable to the male.

Threat: Mismatched libidos or desires for terms and durations. Man may want long term. Woman may want PIV sex more frequently. This could cause frictions where none previously existed.

Strength: Renewed eroticism. Dirty, shared secret.

I think some of those ideas mesh with previous comments, but they were what ran through my head first.

mikecb

devotedlvr - January 28, 2011

Great suggestions, Mike. Thanks!

I think what I am going to do–in a few days or a week or so–is revise this to incorporate the various comments, then post it on its own page for future reference. The number of views I am getting on this page and the number of comments show me that this is clearly a topic of interest.

D

16. PortSide - February 1, 2011

I don’t think you’ve captured the process. You are chastity’s cheerleader; this is a done deal for you. I suspect the decision process most often occurring is one partner, dithering internally over what to reveal and how to reveal it. That is a pro vs con analysis that is likely overshadowed by the real or perceived risk to the relationship. It’s a shame there’s not a blog or a forum out there tallying the number of rejections accruing, and the fallout from them. I think most of your SWOT is more aligned with the conversation that occurs after the proposing partner is not shot, divorced, thrown out of the house, humiliated, or rejected in some other unpleasant way.

17. devotedlvr - February 1, 2011

I think most of your SWOT is more aligned with the conversation that occurs after the proposing partner is not shot, divorced, thrown out of the house, humiliated, or rejected in some other unpleasant way.

Are you speaking from experience, or just hypothetically?

D

PortSide - February 1, 2011

Haha. A little of both, but that’s tangential to my point.

18. barry - December 31, 2011

Your blog is very fresh and educational. One response given about chastity mentioned how men prefer to be aroused all the time and usually are. I agree and disagree with this observation. I do like to be aroused but being constantly aroused can impact my work responsibility. My keyholder will tease me for long periods of time mentally because we live in different states. She tells great stories and knows which buttons to push. Trouble is I get so aroused that its hard to think about anything else. Maybe my condition of not being able to ejaculate has a lot to do with it but I have talked to other men who have gone without for over a year or more.


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