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From the Mailbag: VI December 1, 2010

Posted by Dev in Correspondence, Musings.
Tags: , , ,

I received a great email the other day from a woman I’ll call “Leigh.” She started off by saying that reading my blog had been a wonderful experience for her—well, with an intro like that, naturally I am going to think that anything she has to say is great. LOL. Seriously, I really appreciate that she took the time to write and share her story—one that is becoming all too familiar.

Leigh explained that she and her husband have been married almost twenty years. Their children are in their late teens and pretty much independent, so Leigh and her husband have time for themselves again. Unfortunately, as she says, “the communication, feelings and love have been mediocre for some time.” She continues:

Our sex lives especially had become non existent and that is really the root of the problem. My husband simply was either not interested or couldn’t keep it up. This led to embarrassment and his pulling back. At my urging, he even went to several doctors and all could find nothing wrong. We tried Viagara (worked for awhile) but it too was a failure.

Then, a few weeks ago, she interrupted him in the shower and much to her surprise, found him masturbating with a nice erect cock. She was, in turn, stunned, embarrassed, and angry. She didn’t realize how much his masturbation habit was affecting their sex life; he had not been open about what he was doing. The more he masturbated, the more he covered up. Once again, a viscous circle.

Sound familiar? This is not the first time I’ve written about this problem!

Leigh started searching for a solution and came across male chastity. She noted that many of the blogs she read seemed to be pure fantasy: in her words “mistresses and slaves, etc.” But then she found my little scribblings and…

…your blog stood out as being from a real person with real experiences. I have read a good many of your entries (not all) and they truly make sense to me.

Thank you, Leigh!

After much discussion, Leigh and her husband purchased a CB-6000 which he is wearing now. She did note that she had some mixed feelings about chastity overall, but they were both willing to give it a try if it would help to restore the lost feelings and love. And now, just a few weeks later:

Anyway without your blog I probably would never had given this idea any serious consideration let alone actually try it. By the way our entire relationship has greatly improved in the past several weeks. We finally have some restored feeling and passion.

The last sentence is what made my day!

I have replied to Leigh privately but for other readers out there, I just wanted to make a few points.

  • I really appreciate when someone takes the time to write and share their feelings, either in an email or as a comment to a post. Thank you! For email, in particular, I know how it feels to screw your courage up and put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and share intimate details of your life. Please know that I respect what you have done and honor your bravery.  I do respond to all emails I receive—fortunately, at present, the volume is not overwhelming so I am able to do so. So please, if something is on your mind, write and share what you are thinking.
  • Leigh’s comment: “You stood out as being a real person with real experiences.” Yes, I am and every word in this blog is true. I’ve changed a few names but other than that, everything is the pure, unvarnished truth. My goal was and still is to share the experience Ab and I are having; one to document what we are going through and two, to help others. It makes my day to know that the latter goal is being achieved.
  • I continue to be amazed at just how powerful chastity is as an intervention. Whether a couple approaches it as a game to spice up their sex life or as a possible solution to a problem, such as Leigh experienced, chastity seems to have a remarkable ability to bring couples closer together, get them talking, and help restore lost passion. It surprises me that more professionals, such as sex therapists, are not discussing chastity as an approach in sex therapy. I guess we’re all just pioneers…LOL.

In my email response to Leigh, I encouraged her and her husband, if he is so inclined, to come participate at the Chastity Forum. I offer that invitation to anyone here who is reading this, too. As I say in my introduction, we’re a fun and friendly bunch of like-minded folks—people who are exploring how chastity can work in a relationship. While blogs are great for sharing information and thoughts, the forum provides a nice place for real-time discussion and interaction. Come join us!



1. Grey - December 1, 2010

Great post and great blog; thank you for all you do for making this more mainstream and … omg, real life. I read regularly and just don’t take the time to comment, so please know you are very appreciated!

devotedlvr - December 2, 2010

Thanks, Grey! Your kinds words made my day…


2. Harry Haversackers - December 1, 2010

Bravo to Leigh and her husband for taking the plunge, and Bravo to you, Dev, for enabling them. To repeat her sentiment, yours is one of the few sane blogs about male chastity and is the only one I’ve encouraged my wife to follow. We’re dabbling with MC and the honour system presently, but with with the encouragement that you and a very few others have provided, we’re on our way to locking me up in the New Year.

devotedlvr - December 2, 2010

Thank you, Harry. Good luck with your chastity journey. I think you’ll find that a real device definitely changes the dynamic…in a good way.

I am glad you and your wife are enjoying the blog. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it!


3. jeminfla - December 1, 2010

Great post Dev, and timely for my Mistress and I. We’re in a bit of the doldrums with our relationship lately, and one of the reasons is that we’ve let slide the active engagement of chastity, as well as our female-led relationship. I forwarded this post to her, and I’m hoping it will open up some discussion, and maybe more, this evening.

devotedlvr - December 2, 2010

Keep me posted, jem. I hope things pick up for the two of you.


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