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A Clean Shirt November 15, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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There were lots of good comments here and there in response to my post about Ab and his daily shower/nap release. I thought I summarize them here and add a few more thoughts on the issue.

To refresh readers’ memories, our current deal is that Ab has access to the key/screwdriver and is allowed a daily release for his shower and daily nap. Just so folks know, he gets up for work at about 4 or 4:30 am, so an afternoon nap is essential if he is going to make it through dinner and have a remote chance of being coherent at the same time. This is especially important on my late days, Monday and Thursday, when I often don’t get home until 9 pm. Ab’s been napping since the day I met him—it is part of the fabric of our lives. In fact, guess what he is doing right now as I type this. 🙂

As I said, there were lots of interesting comments, including this from mikecb:

I suspect this whole thing of wanting to be “out” for showers and naps is more about him trying to assert a last little bit of control, rather than him actually needing either of these things for comfort. Now, I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing, since you’ve only been doing this for a few months. I would hope eventually that he comes to trust you completely with that last little bit of control, and let go of it.

Thumper wrote:

Finally, while I would *never* tell you how to do what you do, I find Ab’s comment about taking off the JB in the shower interesting. Maybe it’s because I had previously been in a closed-tube device, but showering in the JB was cake. Much less of a hassle than the Steelheart. I mean, it’s all open, right? How much cleaner can you really get by taking it off? The one thing the JB has going for it, from my POV, is because it’s all open, there’s practically no reason to *ever* take it off.

Ab read this and said to me, “Yes, it’s open and yes, it’s much easier to clean but…I just like to have it off. To be able to shave down there, really scrub and get everything nice and clean.”

I pointed Thumper to mikecb’s comment, to which Thumper replied:

Mike’s nailed it. From my perspective, Ab hasn’t *really* let go of all the control over his cock. I was there, too, but I did it in a slightly different way. I used to always know where the key was and felt free to take the device off to fiddle with it or whatever, regardless whether or not Belle was around or aware, whenever I wanted. It finally occurred to me that I was sharing the control I had supposedly ceded to her. Once she started to own the key and its location and I was really and truly locked up until she let me out, things changed. It wasn’t until than that I feel I truly accepted her control.

I don’t know that I would try to talk him into letting go of that his little shred of freedom because it’s a big deal psychologically. Especially because you initiated this, he has to give it to you freely. That said, I think you would be within your rights to start questioning his motives. There is no reason I can see for him to remove the device assuming he can sleep through the night with it. He’s *choosing* to do so. Once he finally lets go of his little needless breaks you’ll know he’s moved to the next level. Until then, all he’s done is agree to a power sharing arrangement.

When I pointed Ab to this comment, he read it and shrugged. He didn’t disagree but he also wondered how important this is—at least at this moment. That got me thinking and I realized that I have a fantasy of having him locked 24/7, no breaks, no freedom, only coming out for T&D or the occasional rare orgasm. Now while that is a very hot fantasy for me, what is more important is that chastity stay a part of our lives. If I need to give up a little bit of control and allow him a little bit of unlocked time, then that’s a worthwhile trade-off to keep Ab fully on board and actively participating.

Interestingly, at the same time this conversation was going on in my blog, Thumper was posting his thoughts on the Jailbird, and I had this to say:

At first I thought I was being wildly extravagant to buy two devices but now I am thinking it is actually quite practical. Think about other things we wear close to our bodies. Do you wear the same shoes every day? For women, do you wear the same bra? I am not sure it is realistic to think one device is going to be comfortable all the time, day in and day out. While the fantasy of being locked all the time is a great one, the reality is that bodies are living things and perhaps, flexibility in devices is important to address that.

Ab read that and had a good laugh. “See,” he said, “you really do understand why I need a break. I like being able to switch devices. It’s like putting on a freshly laundered shirt from the dry cleaner.”

Over on the Chastity Forum, justplaying had this to say:

I also enjoy the small ritual of being locked up every morning after my shower and then unlocked whenever she likes. For us, it’s part of the fun. Our agreement is a bit different than others in the forum. I am allowed to take a shower and clean the gear every morning. I am brain dead before coffee, so I can be trusted in the shower…Once out I lock myself in and then my KH, wife inspects that all is locked up tight. I kind of love the way she does this every morning.

I also know that kelmag gets out for a daily cleaning break.

So, what conclusions can I draw from this?

  • Couples make chastity work for them. If a daily break is needed or desired by the man, so be it. There is no rule that says “locked” means it is an endless prison sentence with a break that’s never offered.
  • Part of the “endless prison sentence” is my own fantasy and I need to balance that against what is realistic and comfortable for Ab. Being chaste in the long-term is more important than fulfilling my hot dream.
  • Having variety and flexibility in what device is being worn may be something to consider, especially for couples that desire chastity long-term. An informal poll at the Chastity Forum indicated that many couples own multiple devices with 28% responding they owned four. We’ve only been at this since August and we own four, plus a locking cock ring. God knows where we will be a year from now! LOL.
  • Understanding motivations are extremely important and something I will continue to focus on and revisit on an ongoing basis.

That’s it for now. As always, thoughts and comments are welcome.

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