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A Night Apart November 11, 2010

Posted by Dev in Devices, Musings.
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Ab and I have a little test coming up. Tomorrow night (Friday), we’ll be apart for the first time since we began our chastity exploration back in August. Actually, now that I think about it, it will be our first time apart since August 2009! That’s a lot of togetherness! LOL. Seriously, I used to travel a tremendous amount for my work but in recent years, by my choice, I’ve been able to cut way back. Most things I can handle by email or phone but once in a while I do need to show up in person. Thus, I am off to Washington DC for a quick 30 hour trip.

Ab will be alone—completely alone, except for the dog and cat. Unfortunately, I don’t think I can ask them to take on keyholder responsibilities in my absence.

I told Ab I expect him to stay locked while I am away. He was noncommittal when I said this, which gives me pause. He can be a slightly rebellious locked boy which is a difference, I think, of women as the drivers versus men. Ab wears his device but I do get a little bit of pushback. I gave an example of that from Sunday, where he expected to have a free hour to go to the grocery store. I re-explained that he gets to be free during his nap, not one hour per day. We had similar incident last evening. I arrived home and Ab was still napping but just waking up. I stayed in the bedroom while he got dressed—we were chatting. He didn’t put his device on. I raised an eyebrow. “We’re going out to dinner,” he said. “Can’t I wait until after?” I shook my head and handed over the Jailbird. He locked it on.

And so, I leave for Washington, pondering the best way to keep him in his device.

One option is to remove the key and screwdriver and tell him that’s it, you’re locked up. He might complain, and rightly so, because our agreement is that he can be free for a shower and nap on a daily basis. Still, he’d only miss one shower/nap release (on Friday) because I’ll be home by late afternoon on Saturday. I like this scenario because it really does show that I am in charge. He might not like it, though, because he might think I am changing the rules. But I could say, too bad, I make the rules and this is a warranted exception.

Another option would be to randomly send a text message asking for a photo showing he is locked. One thing I don’t know…is there a way to see a time and date stamp on iPhone pictures? Alternatively, I could make sure he has Skype up and running on his computer. Then we could talk and I could have video confirmation that he is wearing his device.

Thinking about this differently, I could let him be free while I am gone, with the caveat of no stimulation, no touching, no masturbation. While I’d like to believe that is possible, I also know that he’s a man and he’s at that horny phase—eight days after a ruined orgasm and I think he’s itching for some fun. He knows in his head that I am in charge of his orgasms and accepts that, but alas, the adage, “The mind is willing but the flesh is weak,” is often true. Do I really want to give him that much opportunity for temptation?

Fetish clothes—now that might be a carrot. We’ve agreed that he can only wear his favorite special stuff when he’s locked. I could give him permission to dress up as much as he wants while I am away with the understanding that the device stays on. Of course, he might say that it’s not as much fun by himself—what’s the point of wearing sexy clothes without someone to look at you? Still, this might be a motivator. He has permission to do something he really enjoys in exchange for doing something that’s very important to me. That might work.

Those are my ideas at the moment. I welcome comments, thoughts, and also other suggestions that anyone might have. Thanks in advance!

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Comments»

1. kelmag - November 11, 2010

Dev,

A couple of suggestions – First, use one of those one time use numbered tags for a lock (you should have received them with the CB device I think you started with); second, put the key and screw driver in an envelope, seal it, sign and date it across the closure edge and then scotch tape over all edges and over your signature. Both ways, he can get to the key in an emergency, but you will know he has.
As for changing the rules – unless you have a “wife makes the rules” agreement, this should be done by mutual consent, including the one day loss of “nap freedom.” Otherwise you should expect and deserve push back. If you want him to follow the rules, then you must follow them also. It will demonstrate louder than any words that the rules matter.
Enjoy your trip.
kelmag

devotedlvr - November 11, 2010

Hi Kelmag,

I thought about the plastic locks but I am not sure where/how I’d use them. They are not strong enough to hold the JB or the WM together. I need a screw or lock to do that. There isn’t enough room in the hole for both the plastic lock and the metal lock.

I could put the key in the envelope or just find one of my many hiding places in the house. With the latter he’d have to ask me for the key which is the same as opening the envelope. I’d know that he had been out.

Right now, I am leaning towards putting the key away but discussing it with him in advance so he can be part of the rule change. Maybe he’ll have another suggestion that I haven’t thought of. Maybe he’ll have read this post and see what I am thinking. All will be revealed when I get home this evening.

Thanks for the suggestions.

D

2. key4belle - November 11, 2010

I think I might be tempted to leave him on the honor system for the 30 hours, unless it will cause you great anxiety (I know that it might for me). I know that guilt is a great motivator, so if he does try to do something, than if he is taking this seriously at all it should trigger those feelings. Also, it shows respect on your part. Just a thought.
Have a good trip!
Belle

devotedlvr - November 11, 2010

Hi Belle,

What I’d like to do, in a perfect world, is leave the key where it has been and expect him to stay locked according to the guidelines we have set. But, he can get fussy about wearing the device, as I have seen and I don’t want to set him up to be in a position to be dishonest to me, ie, “I haven’t taken it off,” when in fact he has. I don’t mean to sound distrustful or to make him sound dishonest–neither of us are. BUT this is our first time apart and as they say, when the cat’s away… I know he’s feeling horny, he’s at the 10 day itchy period. Plus, he hasn’t masturbated since mid-August; before that, however, it was a daily and much loved activity. I want to help him be strong, too, in his commitment to me and to giving me control of his orgasms.

A good long talk during dinner tonight will probably clear a lot of this up. I’ll report back.

D

nuts4belle - November 11, 2010

If he is as into this as I am, he will do what you say regardless of the method you want to use.

3. chaste husband - November 11, 2010

iPhone photos do contain exif data, you should be able to see the date & time that they were taken (even location info), you may need to download it to the Mac or PC to see it, but it will be there

4. chaste husband - November 11, 2010

Search for exif in the app store, there are a bunch of apps for the iphone to view the exif data. Have him email it, save the photo to your camera roll then run one of the apps installed from the appstore search. ‘Photo Info’ looks reasonable.

5. chaste husband - November 11, 2010

Confirmed, ‘Photo Info’ works great, so you can do it all on your phone if you have an iphone.

6. devotedlvr - November 12, 2010

Thanks for those suggestions, CH! I did search on Exif and found a free app (Photo Info costs $2.99; my motto: never pay for an app if a free one exists!) called Exif & IPTC Metadata Browser. That seems to do the trick and Ab is going to send me confirming pictures. I think we’re all set for my time away.

D

7. mikecb - November 12, 2010

Dev,

It sounds like you’ve got the solution, but I’ll chime in anyway.

My suggestion would have been to leave him locked. The 10 day peak is brutal. Staying locked would help him, more than hurt him. The jailbird is extremely hygienic as these devices go. So, showering without it is a convenience. Likewise, while he may suffer some erections during his afternoon nap, it’s more likely that it’s worse overnight. Again, I think the inconvenience during a nap is minimal.

I suspect this whole thing of wanting to be “out” for showers and naps is more about him trying to assert a last little bit of control, rather than him actually needing either of these things for comfort. Now, I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing, since you’ve only been doing this for a few months. I would hope eventually that he comes to trust you completely with that last little bit of control, and let go of it.

mikecb

devotedlvr - November 12, 2010

Mike, great comment. Thanks! I think you are absolutely right about that last little bit of control. As you say, it has only been a few months and look how far things have progressed in that short period of time! I am hopeful that we can get back to having the key/screwdriver hidden, but for the moment, things are working well this way.

As I have pondered more our WLR, I’ve realized that I run things and always have but it’s done with a great deal of negotiation and discussion. That’s my style–that’s my style as a manager at work, too. Sort of the “iron hand in the velvet glove” approach. It works quite well for getting people–and husbands–to do what you want them to do while they are thinking they are doing what they want to do because they want to do it. LOL.

D


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