Chastity as a Game…Or?

I enjoy Cricketed’s blog, for his content as well as his pictures. He has a recent post where he muses about chastity as a game…

To those who claim, loudly and with a price tag attached, that male chastity is simply a game or a put-on, I respectfully disagree.  My workaday world is where I pretend.  This isn’t a game to me.

Whoa, let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater! There are games, and then there are games…

To me, games of the former type are competitive, winner takes all and loser be damned. Anything you watch on television: football, basketball, the Olympics. When your universe narrows to your kitchen table there is Monopoly, Life, or the one I loathe most of all, Risk, where the victor is the one with the most armies and most nations conquered, lying powerless at his feet.

I definitely don’t want to think of chastity as one of those types of games!

But what about non-competitive games? Those that we play for the joy of playing, for experiencing the happiness of just having fun, for finding our all-too-often lost inner child. Within that context, I think it is perfectly appropriate to call chastity a game.

That said, with each passing day I am finding it harder to envision a moment where I might say to Ab, “I don’t want to play anymore. Please put your device away.” And I know if he said that to me, we would sit down and have a long, serious talk about what he was asking. Yes, chastity is a game but it is also becoming part of the fabric of our sexual lives and our lives in general. We are a chaste couple. That is a fact and an element of how I self-identify. If someone were to ask me, I’d be honest in that answer.

Many years ago, when I was at a very different point in my professional career, I was in charge of staff development at a local hospital. In this role I was tasked with coming up with activities for Nurses’ Week. This was always a touchy issue because we had to find the right balance between a professional, respectful tribute and worshipful adoration of the clinical staff (I say the latter slightly tongue-in-cheek). On the year in question, I hired a facilitator for a day of team building. Her modus operandi was to play games. When the nursing staff got wind of this, they were not shy about ripping me a new one. Many declared they would boycott the event—and they did. But for those who chose to participate—and as I recall, we had a decent sized crowd, about 30 in all—we had a blast. We played for hours and had a lot of fun and in the process, found our inner children and grew in the experience. Although I can’t tell you what games we played, I do remember that the day was fun, enjoyable, and important. I reframed my understanding of games that day and that learning has stayed with me, all these years later.

It is within that context that I “play” chastity.

Intrerestingly, as I continue on this path, the few competitive trappings that I had related to the game are rapidly falling away. Note that I don’t have any tickers or counters on this site. How many orgasms have I had in our chaste life? I have no idea. I haven’t been keeping track. I do know that there have been plenty, but just as Ab doesn’t need orgasms to define his sexual experience, neither do I. Our love is back to being the major focus of what is between us. Orgasms are a benefit but not the primary reason that we couple in the night.

How long has Ab been locked up this time? I am not sure, at least without looking at a calendar. And, do I count locked up from the day of his “official” orgasm, which was sometime back in October or from the day of his ruined orgasm, which was a week or so ago? At the time of the latter, he was wearing a cock ring, so does that count as locked or not? More tellingly, I don’t have a date in mind for his next release. It’s not important to me right now. It will happen when the time is right—when the time is right for both of us. I think we’ll know when that moment is. It is a time we will feel in our hearts, not a date that is X’ed on the calendar.

I will continue to use the language of games to describe our chastity experience, but I wanted to share my paradigm for what a game is. Hopefully that will provide context for readers and clear up any confusion (if there was any) on the game issue.

* * * * *

Speaking of games, it’s been a little more than a week since Ab and I relaxed our rule about having access to the key or screwdriver. While I was a little anxious last week, it seems to be working quite well, now. Ab appreciates his daily cleaning/nap break but knows not to take advantage. He is locked when I get home. In fact, it’s become a little bit of a game for me (there’s that word again!) wondering what he’ll be wearing. Yesterday was the Watchful Mistress with the lock. The lock? Might be time for the key to go back on my nipple ring, if only for decoration. 😉

On Sunday, for whatever reason, Ab didn’t take his device off during his nap. Later, as he was going to the grocery store, he asked if he could take it off then, reasoning that he had one free hour per day. Could he use his hour at a different time?

I gently, but firmly corrected him. “You can be free during your nap, whether that’s five minutes or sixty. You do not have one free hour per day. You have freedom during your nap. That’s it.”

He understood.