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The Weekend October 18, 2010

Posted by Dev in Devices, Musings.
Tags: , , ,

I suspect many are waiting with bated breath to hear how our big release weekend went. Well, I could say that we had wild sex for 48 hours straight and we were peeling the paint off the walls in the process.

But if I said that, I’d be lying and I don’t want to lie to my friends.

The truth is, things didn’t go quite the way I expected.

I think we had a mix of real-life interfering with our plans plus some unrealistic expectations on my part. Real-life included Ab being very stressed about work, having to work both Saturday and Sunday, and on top of all that, he was fighting a cold. My expectations were that we would have unending wild sex with 100% attention paid to me, Queen of the household.

Sounds like a setup for disaster, doesn’t it? Fortunately, things weren’t that bad.

The Jailbird did come off, as scheduled, at 6 pm on Friday evening. The evening then proceeded as usual—dinner, conversation, me fooling around on the computer. Ab went to bed early because he was exhausted. He immediately went sound to sleep and didn’t budge when I came to bed about an hour later. He did wake up around 2:30 am, we had rather average, run-of-the-mill sex (with an orgasm for him, yes) after which he went right back to sleep. No orgasm for me and the experience left me feeling a little confused and frustrated. As I lay awake thinking about it, I reflected on “old” sex (the pre-chastity kind) and “new” sex (when he’s wearing a device). Our experience at 2:30 am was definitely of the old sex variety and I wasn’t too happy about that.

Saturday he worked all day long and got home around 4:30 pm. I was annoyed and he knew it. Yes, I was feeling sorry for myself and being a pill about it—I’ll own my bad mood. Probably I was being a little ridiculous, too—I knew he had to work. This wasn’t a big surprise. It was just that I was expecting something—something other than what I was getting. See “unrealistic expectations” above.

At some point before dinner, Ab made the sort of off-hand suggestion that perhaps he should just put the Jailbird back on. It would relieve the performance pressure, he said, plus he really wasn’t in the mood for sex, given that he was tired, stressed, and not feeling great, what with all the sneezing and so on.

I didn’t need to be asked twice. I whisked into the bathroom, grabbed the Jailbird and within two minutes that sucker was back on Ab’s cock, right where it belonged. As I clicked the lock I felt safe. Secure. Comfortable.

I felt in charge.

My bad mood immediately evaporated and we had a very pleasant evening, complete with watching a movie (Duck Soup, with the Marx Brothers) followed by wild “new” sex wherein I got vibrated to four orgasms (!) and Ab made all those wonderful groans of frustration that I have come to love.

Who is this dominant woman? Is this really me? I haven’t discussed the whole dominant/submissive thing here in the blog (although Ab and I have talked about it) because I didn’t think that was part of our dynamic. But now I am beginning to wonder.

Sunday he had to work again but managed to get home by about 1:30. He watched some football, we took a nap, we had a nice dinner and ended up going to bed early-ish, anticipating another busy week. I gave him a little “caged in metal” ball massage, we spooned in the night (I love the feel of the cage against my ass) but that was about it. Still, it was enough.

And so that’s where we are. The JB is on and locked. For how long—I have no idea. I haven’t figured that part out yet. I do think we had been building to this point for many weeks and setting ourselves up to expect too much. I think that is something I need to re-think as we play the game. I also need to get a more accurate understanding from Ab about what he thinks and expects from his own orgasm so I can put my thinking more in line with his. I do think we had some mixed signals crossing the wires and I fully accept my part of the blame for that.

I do appreciate the many supportive comments I have gotten from friends, which have been very helpful in keeping me from having a giant brain explosion this weekend. Thanks, everyone! And this bit of very wise advice from Thumper: “Playing around with orgasm control can be really f’ing hard.” Ain’t it the truth!

More later…


1. kelmag - October 18, 2010

Hi Dev,
I think you realize that real life circumstances affect the outcome of the best laid fantasy plan. Ab was stressed by work, sick, run down, further stressed by performance anxiety which had two components – previous performance problems and the huge build-up of expectations from a very lengthy period of chastity. That you escaped without real relationship damage was a minor miracle.
You might want to consider reducing the chastity periods to one to three weeks until you build a rhythm together and get a feel for how different lengths of time affect the dynamic between you. Of course, there should also always be a sanity check as to whether a release should occur given the real world circumstances of the time. The health and work stress level of both parties, family issues and the like should all be taken into account. Since you have clearly taken the lead in establishing the MC lifestyle, you will probably have to be the one to make the decision of whether a particular scheduled release makes sense. Substituting a “Lady’s Night,” as you did, or a massage of the more stressed partner are wonderful low stress alternatives and a lot of fun too.
I wouldn’t worry about putting a domme/sub label to what you have together. Labels tend to get in the way of what you really feel and need from the relationship. You are both so early in the process that what you have is still being shaped. I think it is premature to try and categorize it and probably not too helpful to the formation process.
Love reading your blog and look forward to your almost daily posts.

2. Mykey - October 18, 2010

Hi mistress Dev 😉

Seriously though, that’s funny if it weren’t unfortunate. sandy and I used to have all sorts of problems when we started orgasm denial games. Things were good during but i would have huge expectations of fancy chandelier kinky sex that lasted hours when after several weeks I was allowed to cum. Sandy would get performance anxiety or real life would intrude. I would get disappointed and she scared of doing it again.

In the end we settled in recognising that each denial period will be followed by another. Some end in fireworks, some not. Don’t worry too much as there is always next time. I reckon kelmag is right. Start small. Once a week. You can learn over again how to play while unlocked. Mix it up and now and then surprise him by not letting him cum and locking him back. But mainly make it a bit more easygoing and learn your way to a better unlocked dynamic. Hopes not expectations.

3. devotedlvr - October 18, 2010

Good comments Kelmag and Mykey. Thank you!

I am not really putting a “dom” label on myself. I was just surprised (and Ab commented on this) at how much I just settled right down when the JB was back on. I really did have an “I’m in charge” feeling. He left it in the shower when he took it off Friday night and I didn’t like seeing it there. I wanted it “back where it belonged.” I surprised myself with this reaction and am still trying to figure out all the emotions.

For the moment, I am thinking short releases for a quick whatever and then the JB goes back on. That’s this moment, though, and may change by the end of the day. LOL.

“Hopes not expectations.” Good one, Mykey. I’ll work on remembering that.


4. mikecb - October 18, 2010

I guess another dichotomy to consider is when it’s the “Honeymoon vacation” time and Ab is out of the CB, just who’s time is it? Is it time for HIM to be satisfied, for YOU to be satisfied, or for BOTH? It seems pretty clear from your “Queen of the Household” comment, that you expected his release to be totally focused on you. Was that his expectation, or was he thinking “Phew, now it’s time for it to be all about ME for the weekend!”?

Of course all the stress, exhaustion and cold coming on didn’t help. Still, it might be a good idea to make sure you were/are on the same page about what release time means.


5. devotedlvr - October 18, 2010

Mike, you are absolutely correct and that is one of the major points that I have been thinking about for the past 48 hours. I do need to sort these issues out in my head.

Thanks for your comment, as always.


6. david - October 18, 2010


There may be a simpler explanation that applies as well. You may have just realized that chastity sex is better sex. Sort of like you may have discovered that grilled vegetables are tastier than boiled ones, for example. That discovery does not necessarily signal a sea change, only that your new perspective reveals something you may like better.

My wife clearly prefers “chastity sex” (with me locked up) over ANYTHING else we might do in the bedroom. It didn’t represent a “change” in her in any way, just a new perspective and a recognition of how she likes it now.

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