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Our Contract October 11, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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As I said in this post, I spent quite a bit of time on Saturday drafting a potential chastity contract. I wanted it to be comprehensive, to include all the details of how we are playing the game (or living a chaste life as I said in the contract), and most of all, I wanted to be fair. I wanted to make it clear that we weren’t heading down the feminization, sissy-clitty path nor would I start to punish or humiliate him for alleged infractions—alleged infractions of what, I am not sure, but I wanted to make sure I had that in there as a contingency option. I edited it and then re-edited, crossed the i’s and dotted the t’s and sent him a copy.

He read it before lunch yesterday. The first thing he noticed was a typo. So much for the re-editing!

Then we talked about it. “What prompted you to write this?” he asked.

“I think I got the idea after Wednesday evening,” I answered. “When you pushed back about being released.”

Silence for a minute. Then, “I think you are trying too hard.”

“Trying too hard?”

“You’re including too much stuff. You’re making it too complicated.”

“Well, I was trying to be fair. I wanted to cover all the bases.”

“There’s fair, and then there’s passive aggressive.”

“Passive aggressive?” I said, completely surprised. I really didn’t expect this answer.

“Yes…well, the fact is, I’m locked up, you’re in charge of my orgasms, you own my cock, and you’re the one calling the shots.”

“Okay, but even so, we’re in this together. I wanted to convey that.”

“We’re in this together, but you are having orgasms and I’m not. I don’t think it’s accurate to say we’re both chaste.”

“I guess that depends on how you define chaste. I said I wouldn’t masturbate.”

“You don’t masturbate now, so what are you really giving up?”

I thought about that for a second. Good point, Ab.

“Well….” I paused. “You really thought it was lousy?”

“I don’t think it was lousy,” he said. “I just don’t think it was accurate.”

“Okay then. What would be accurate?”

“Keep it simple and to the point. ‘Ab’s locked up. Dev’s in charge. We’re having fun.'”

“Ab’s locked up. Dev’s in charge. We’re having fun,” I repeated. “That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“It’s that simple?”

He nodded.

“What happens if you stop having fun and I don’t?”

“You don’t what?”

“You’re not having fun but I still am.”

“I trust you’ll know what to do.”

“You trust me that much?”

“You know I do.”

“And I’m in charge.”

“Absolutely.”

Okay then. That’s it. I’ve posted our contract on its own page here at the blog. As an aside comment, it’s gone from 1642 words to 9. There is great value in parsimony.

And no, sorry, you don’t get to read the old one. It’s history.

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Comments»

1. Tom Allen - October 11, 2010

LOL

Good on Ab for getting it right.
And shame on you for forgetting that you can’t legislate “fun”.

devotedlvr - October 11, 2010

LOL is right. 🙂

It is fortunate that I have a bunch of men around me, including my husband, who give me an oft-needed reality check. This is a good example!

D

2. atone44 - October 11, 2010

Nice. No expiration date? Excellent.

I think what will allow this to work for the two of you is that you have an active interest in this. My wife is not quite ready to just ‘be in charge’ although she is getting there.

-A

devotedlvr - October 11, 2010

Yes, no expiration date. 😉

3. likes2blocked - October 11, 2010

Perfect. Same thing as we worked out.

devotedlvr - October 11, 2010

Great minds think alike. 😉

4. mikecb - October 11, 2010

lol. Totally awesome. I must confess that the whole “contract” thing is a turn-off for me. I’ve always felt contracts are put in place between parties that don’t trust each other to do the right thing. I think that’s a lousy foundation for chastity play. Your contract trumpets trust. I love it!

devotedlvr - October 11, 2010

Thanks, Mike! And it’s easy to remember, too. 😉

5. Michael_X - October 11, 2010

We too avoid complicated attempts to cover everything in advance when we play games. If something comes up we discuss it and deal with it at the time. Since I’m the one who gets most out of games and since I’m the one on the emotional roller coaster I work on the principle of going along with Claire’s position if we have two different ideas to resolve an unforeseen situation and both are rational. Overall we trust each other and are both looking to make things fun so negotiations as we go along work.

For different and more intense kinky play clear negotiation in advance can save a great deal of misunderstanding and help avoid awkward situations. For something as relatively simple and straightforward as chastity play though it is easier not to be bogged down by a huge list of rules. Just being sure both parties start on the same page and stay there seems to work well.

In your position I wouldn’t consider your time spent as unprofitable. Undoubtedly putting things in writing helped your thinking and clarified your thoughts. Ab no doubt also learnt a lot from reading it and providing you with an alternative approach.

Michael

devotedlvr - October 11, 2010

While it was a useful exercise for clarifying my thinking, it also pointed out to me that I have a bad habit of over-thinking things and making them harder than they have to be. 🙂

D

6. lockingandnursing - October 11, 2010

Hi Dev,

That was hilarious, especially when you gave the different word counts. Congratulations on hammering out a fine contract between the two of you. I might even approach K with this one.

devotedlvr - October 11, 2010

Yes, it really did get edited! LOL. Glad you enjoyed the post.

D

7. Mykey - October 12, 2010

I’d caution again to be careful about how you view his chastity. It is a huge sacrifice and a very hard one. It’s tough on the man especially emotionally in the early months. It’s his sacrifice. If you don’t show you understand that he may get resentful and push back more.
My 2p worth.
M

devotedlvr - October 12, 2010

Thanks, Mykey–your point is very well taken. I do agree that it’s important to find the proper balance between being too serious and having too much fun (not taking it seriously). I think that is a little bit what I was processing this weekend with my contract writing experience.

One thing that I think is tremendously important is good communication—and lots of it. Ab and I talk about our chastity experience a lot—at least daily—and I think has greatly enhanced the entire process for us. We are both learning from this and talking about it is key to that.

D

8. Tutor - October 12, 2010

Nice working contract, I would have loved to see the 1600+ pages lol. My wife and I set up a simple contract the first month, the second month we looked at it and both basically said … whats this all about… you have the key and I don’t lol. If something needs changed we’ll talk about it.
Again, you both have shown great diplomacy and negotiation skills.

devotedlvr - October 12, 2010

1600 WORDS not 1600 pages! LOL. I don’t think even I could write 1600 pages on chastity!

D

9. RogueBambi - October 15, 2010

That’s so good! Good of Ab and good of you to so graciously give up your fancy contract.

I’m also always making things more difficult than they need to be. But to my delight, Wonderboy is a “hands on kind of guy”. So papers are out the window the second he gets to them. 😉

devotedlvr - October 15, 2010

Once Ab pointed out how ridiculously over-the-top my version was, I was happy to relegate it to the trash heap of misguided documents. As someone else said, however, the actual process of thinking it through was good, so in that way it was time well spent, even if the actual product ended up being much, much shorter.

D


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