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Working, Working… October 9, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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Up until now, I haven’t felt the need for a formal chastity agreement or document, but for the past forty-eight hours, the idea has been churning in my head. So, this morning, I started work on one. I spent the better part of three hours getting a first draft written, then took a few hours off to go to the movies (we saw the The Social Network, the “Facebook” movie. Very good—highly recommended). I have just spent another hour or two putting some final touches on the agreement. I won’t post it here until Ab has had a chance to review and discuss with me, but I plan to make it a permanent part of the blog, on its own page, once we have both signed off. Hopefully it will serve as a good resource to couples looking to embrace a chastity lifestyle from a truly couple perspective.

I wrote this pretty much out of my head (I didn’t want to be influenced by other contracts) but now that it is in final draft form, I have gone and read a few other contracts that are posted here and there on the Internet. One thing I am struck by is that fact that I am viewing our chaste life together from a couple’s perspective, rather than “me” doing to “him.” I know that for many the notion of submission is a difficult one (is it a given in a chastity lifestyle?) and contracts that give the woman all the power and the man very little just beg to be seen through the lens of submission. I think I have addressed that issue carefully in the context of the way Ab and I live and will live our lives as a chaste couple.

Second, I have decided to not use the term “male chastity” (and similarly, “female chastity”) because, to me, that implies that he is chaste and I am not. That’s not the way it is working for us. We are living a chastity life together, both fully invested in what we are doing and what we are hoping to accomplish. As I say in the first paragraph, our chastity life can be summed up in one simple sentence: “Our pleasure is our mutual pleasure.” It’s not him or her to me…it’s us.

The one thing I am a little worried that Ab may balk at is the fact that I have phrased it in the context of “from this day forward, we will live this way.” I do see this as something we need to commit to for the forseeable future and maybe forever. What that actually means in terms of wearing a device and so on will evolve and change as we grow and mature in this lifestyle. To me, it is sort of like being a naturist. Even though I don’t go to clubs and beaches very often anymore, I’m still a naturist in my heart and ascribe to the principles of body acceptance that the naturist movement espouses (even if I don’t totally agree with some of their views on sexuality). Similarly, I don’t see chastity as a fad or phase—I think we are in for the long haul, however that actually plays out in the context of our day-to-day lives.

I’ll keep everyone posted on how this progresses.


1. lockingandnursing - October 9, 2010

Hi Dev,

I have considered the possibility of a contract between K and me. I’m not Sue I want approach that quite just yet. For now, I think we are still enjoying our arrangement as is. Maybe eventually we could consider one….when we may want to take it to another level. Hmm,… wonder what that would be. It kinda giv3s me the heebee geebees!

Then again, when K reads this, she may have a different thought.

Lockingand nursing

devotedlvr - October 9, 2010

It is a process, locking….thanks for posting and welcome to the blog.


2. femsup - October 9, 2010

Interested by your moniker are you in and ABF or ANR relationship as well as a male chastity one?

devotedlvr - October 9, 2010

I don’t consider what we do to be a ABF or ANR relationship, although I did teach my husband how to suckle (see this post, here: https://devotedlvr.wordpress.com/2010/09/04/suckling-its-not-just-for-babies/) and he suckles, usually, daily. I suppose some might quibble about what we do/call it. My distinction is that it is just once a day (maybe less) where ANRs seem to encompass nursing on a multiple times per day basis.


3. mikecb - October 9, 2010


Many people start with a contract for some set period. Since you’ll already have done a stint at 60ish days. Perhaps you should do a 3 or 6 month contract, with an option to extend it? That might give Ab more time to feel comfortable with it?


devotedlvr - October 9, 2010

Good point, Mike, but as you can see, we also tend to go full throttle into anything. LOL. He hasn’t read the agreement yet (I actually didn’t call it a contract) but if he freaks, we can certainly talk about reasonable deadlines and so on.

We’ll see how this goes…

4. femsup - October 9, 2010

Its very pleasant to know that he suckles daily but my question was too LockingandNursing.I just think that its nice to have be woman centred and women often have a need to enjoy sensation in their breasts.

5. lockingandnursing - October 10, 2010


Yes, we do enjoy nursing too. I do consider it an ANR, although there is no schedule or lactation. Albeit, it is ANR by our definition, and maybe not others. We spend much time in nursing.

6. Joro - October 10, 2010

There are some contracts on the ChastityMansion website. One is mine! You may like to post yours there too when you’ve finalised it.

devotedlvr - October 10, 2010

Thanks, Joro. I’ll definitely check them out.


7. Our Contract « The Key is on my Nipple Ring - October 11, 2010

[…] As I said in this post, I spent quite a bit of time on Saturday drafting a potential chastity contract. I wanted it to be […]

8. davidphd1866 - October 14, 2010


You make a great point about chastity sort of being a “forever” thing. While couples can always take a break, it’s sort of impossible to put the proverbial genie back in the bottle. I feel that once a woman discovers the joy of having her husband locked up, she can never forget it.

devotedlvr - October 14, 2010

The joy of having her husband locked up… hahahah, great line.

I am sure there are people out there who try chastity and it is a complete and utter failure. Thing is, those folks aren’t writing about it. They just put the device in the drawer (or the trash) and move on.

The folks that give it a try—even if only for a little while or just a dabble—and see that it works, you’re right, you can’t go back. That’s the point of learning. It changes you. I know that over the past two months I’ve learned a great deal about myself, my feelings, and my orgasm behavior, as well as learning more about my husband. Plus, our communication has improved. So even if we give up on chastity next week after his release this weekend (which isn’t going to happen) we still have two months of good experiences to build on as we move forward with our lives.


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