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“Ruined” Orgasm? October 5, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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I got home from work last night and asked Ab to change the key from the left side to the right (again). The left nipple has always been the more tender one so the key just doesn’t want to stay there long-term.

“I guess we gave each other quite a workout this morning,” Ab said, as he unhooked the clasp.

“Oh?” I said, quirking an eyebrow.

“I was a little sore all day,” he answered, “especially on the left side.”

“So tell me…what exactly was that little squirt of yours? What was going on?”

He shrugged.

“I mean, was that semen? Or pre-come? Or something else?”

“I don’t know…it was just as dark on my side of the bed as it was on yours.”

“Well, what did it feel like?” I asked.

He shrugged again. “It felt like an orgasm,” he said. “Or at least, it felt like ejaculation. Ejaculation without a hard on? Is that an orgasm?”

“I don’t know,” I answered. “Was it one of those ruined orgasms I keep reading about?”

He shook his head. “From where I sit, no orgasm is ever ruined.”

And that’s the conundrum for us. We really don’t get this ruined orgasm thing.

Sarah Jameson writes about it in her book and then in her newsletter a week or two ago, she wrote about a really spectacular ruined orgasm that John had on a Wednesday evening. I read about it, still confused and asked one of my email correspondents if he could offer any insight. He wrote:

It was ruined not because it wasn’t during intercourse but rather because she stopped stimulating him before he actually ‘came’ or had his orgasm. It is hard to explain. Have you ever driven down a ‘weee’ road? You know the one where your stomach king of goes weightless as you crest the little hill. It is kind of like you gather speed toward the hill and just before the crest you let off the gas. The momentum of the car still carries you over the hill but you don’t get the ‘weee’ part. A ruined orgasm is a little like that. Your body still carries you to the point of ejaculation but there is no satisfaction. At all. You can see it. You can feel it spasm. There is just no pleasure. It will leave one very frustrated. And extremely horny still. At this point most men wouldn’t be able to have an orgasm even if they wanted to. The body is spent but the emotion and desire is still there.

So would I desire this? Yes, absolutely. Why? I have no idea. We have done this in the past (way past) a little but my memory of the feeling afterward isn’t very clear.

I read this to Ab and asked his opinion. He said the description and so on was very clear and made sense, but he didn’t think this had ever happened to him. It certainly was not something that was in my mind that we had ever done together.

I wonder if, for non-chastity folks, are ruined orgasms part of their play? Somehow it’s something that Ab and I have been missing all these years? Or is it really an experience that is more-or-less exclusive to the chastity life? Part of the whole tease and denial element of the game?

Comments are welcome. And we still don’t know if the whatever-that-happened yesterday was a ruined orgasm. 🙂

* * * * *

Jailbird Update: As regular readers will know, the JB got locked on (requiring two people and four hands) on Thursday evening. Ab has been wearing it continuously since then…no cleaning breaks, size adjustment breaks or anything else. He says it is quite comfortable. Yesterday his balls were sore but I think that was more an outcome of our vigorous workout at 5 am versus a size or fitting issue. He has commented that the snug fit offsets the extra weight so that has not been a problem (which it was in the big honking Birdcage).

We have a second ring now—1 5/8″ which would be 1/8″ smaller than the one he is in now. Ab looked skeptical and I said that we don’t need to change right now—if he ever needs to change, actually. We’ll see where we’re at on Sunday night.

All in all, I can say that the Jailbird seems to be a very good investment and I think we estimated correctly on the size.


1. cb6000s - October 5, 2010

This has happened to me also and I don’t think it is a ruined orgasm. What I think happens is that the penis, in the cage, is in just the right position to pinch the urethra shut. During play the pre-come backs up behind the pinched part of the urethra. When he changes position so that the urethra is no longer pinched the pre-come comes out all at once feeling like a mini ejaculation.

There are few blogs on the subject of male chastity and I want to thank you for having one of the best written blogs on the subject.

2. devotedlvr - October 5, 2010

Ah, that makes sense. Thank you! I’ll guess we’ll just keep searching for the elusive “ruined” orgasm. 😉

Thanks for the compliment on the blog, too. I appreciate it.


3. Robert - October 5, 2010

A ruined orgasm is when the erect penis is stimulated, often manually, to the point where the ejaculation is about to begin or maybe has just begun. The woman will then withdraw her hand and thus stop stimulating the penis. The man’s penis will, of course, continue ejaculating, but, as it were, on its own. The lack of continued stimulation dramatically reduces the intensity — and thus the pleasure — of the orgasm to almost nil. In other words, the sensation that the man derives from ejaculating in these circumstances is closer to frustration than to any kind of pleasure. I am a man, and this is my understanding of what a “ruined orgasm” is. By the way, I do not like the idea of ruined orgasms for myself. But it seems that some men, as it were, get off on it. And of course, a number of women enjoy giving “ruined orgasm” as a form of dom castigation ritual.

devotedlvr - October 5, 2010

Thanks, Robert. Like I said, this has not been in the repertoire of things Ab and I have done. Will it be something we try? We’ll see. It seems that he’d need to be unlocked and for the moment, that’s not happening.

Thanks for taking the time to comment. I appreciate it!


4. Tom Allen - October 5, 2010

I guess you missed some of my earlier posts on what MRs. Edge and I call a “release.” It’s not quite an orgasm, but it’s not quite ruined, either. It’s not pre-come, it’s actual ejaculate; it’s just that we don’t get the orgasm that we normally associate with it.

We’ve made this work for us, though. I’m required to let her know when it feels like it might happen, and she makes the call as to allowing me to proceed or not. She often likes to tease me by saying that those “releases’ will be the only way I’ll get to come, and that I will soon be begging for them.

devotedlvr - October 5, 2010

I had missed that post. Thanks for the link, Tom. Interesting and helpful!


5. Mykey - October 5, 2010

Oh you Know!! When you have had a real ruined orgasm. It is the most mind blowingly frustrating thing he will ever experience sexually. You get to the crest of the roller coaster, it’s gonna be an absolute mind blowing orgasm, you start to crest and then someone puts you to sleep for a minute. The cum comes out, The spasms happen very softly, the body knows it’s cum and might even lose hardness. But your soul is crying out for what was anticipated and stolen at a moment so late you thought pleasure was inevitable. I can’t contol myself and have to be pinned down or I try and finish the job myself once she let’s go. Afterwards you can wank all you like but another orgasm is much less likely without the usual recovery time.

A perfect way to empty the prostate without losing chastity nirvana. I once had a two month stretch of nothing but ruined orgasms. It was the most delicious hell. It is still an orgasm so it meets the letter of the law re. a promise of an orgasm on a set date. Just sayin’


6. mikecb - October 5, 2010

I’ve tried to achieve ruined orgasms a few times, on my own, with limited success. I’ve followed the techniques others have suggested. Stroke until the moment of climax, and then stop. I find it to be a less intense orgasm, but it’s still an orgasm. I often DO still feel aroused and in need of more, even though the plumbing wants to roll over and go to sleep. I suspect I AM experience most of the ruined orgasm, except I do get SOME of the orgasm pleasure. It’s like a 3 on a scale of 10 orgasm, where I where the orgasms I’ve heard described are more like a 1 or 0! lol


7. Mykey - October 5, 2010

Hi mike

I think part of the problem is you were doing it yourself. The orgasm probably wouldn’t have been a 10 anyway. It’s not the same as being teased by someone else for half an hour leading up to it. The other is it’s actually very hard to let go in time. Partly timing needs practice, and partly your body not wanting to allow your brain to make it do something so dumb, so you delay just a touch and make the orgasm just a bit better. Finally the helpless feeling when someone else does it is missing. 

But you describe it perfectly when you say it’s an orgasm but it’s a 0 on the pleasure scale. 

8. devotedlvr - October 5, 2010

Thanks for all this info, everyone.

I am presuming for this teasing, Ab would have to be out of his device? Remember, for the event yesterday, he was still wearing his JB.


9. Mykey - October 5, 2010

I think he would yes, if you can get him to that point with the cb on then sadly so can he.

devotedlvr - October 5, 2010

I really think the first poster described what happened. It wasn’t a ruined orgasm—it was this other thing. “Pinched urethra syndrome” we’ll call it. (PUS. Gross! LOL). I think for Ab it felt “good” because it was just sort of all over and right there to the edge. He hasn’t had an orgasm for 48 days, remember. He is really getting excited about this weekend.


10. Mykey - October 5, 2010

So you not tempted to spoil his upcoming orgasm? 😉

devotedlvr - October 5, 2010

You think I should? 😉 It just seems so mean…or…he just sent me a text message. He had some good news and said, “Let’s celebrate and have sex!” I can say, “Yeah, we’re having sex!” and get the cage off and…LOL


11. mykey - October 5, 2010

Lol! It would be deliciously mean. Ruin his orgasm and pull on your strap-on. You did want sex darling?

But no I dont think you really should, not after almost two months for a first lockup, poor bloke! Im pretty sure you will one day though!

12. Aguy - October 5, 2010

Just a note on “the incident”:
I have experienced this phenomenon while abstaining from orgasm (for non-chastity related reasons that I’m not going to go into now) for longer than 3 or 4 weeks. During this period I WAS stimulated regularly (masturbating, etc), but just not orgasming (this might be analogous to teasing etc). I found that at times there would be a bit of a random discharge especially if I was aroused at the time (I think that some chastity blogs mention a “constant drip” developing for some people who haven’t orgasmed in a while. This is why, I have heard, it is useful to “ruin and orgasm” or “milk the prostate” during long periods of orgasm denial. A further note on “milking the prostate” (and this is where I’m going to apologize in advance for a possibly too frank discussion of bodily goings on): I did notice ejaculations of near about half volume on two occasions while pooping. I am assuming that this is due to pressure on the prostate. The feeling is a lot like what you describe. Somewhere between urinating (but kinda “ticklish”) and ejaculating. …like, maybe a really a “lazy” ejaculation.
Just my 2cents.

13. devotedlvr - October 5, 2010

Thanks aguy. Welcome to the blog. And no, we’re pretty wide open here in terms of what people can say in their comments so frankness is certainly welcome.

Interesting about your experience. We haven’t tried the milking thing. We haven’t tried lots of things, actually. LOL. I suppose that will be for the next round of the game…


14. Paul - October 5, 2010

Before we played with chastity and orgasm denial, my wife inadvertently has given me ruined orgasms via handjobs. She falls asleep REALLY easily (not kidding – she can fall asleep while she is talking and can’t last in the car more than 10 min without falling asleep) and on a couple of occasions she sort of just fell asleep at the wrong time. It is an orgasm, just the pleasure is markedly reduced. Not cool.
Perhaps in the context of chastity, it would be quite a bit different, i.e., if she intentionally ruined my orgasm to stay submissive towards her. I don’t think I will voluntarily bring that up as a suggestion 😛

15. devotedlvr - October 6, 2010

Ab seems very hesitant on this whole ruined orgasm idea…after reading this post and the comments here. Which is probably even more reason why I should try it one of these days… 😉


16. femsup - October 10, 2010

I wholy agree with what others have said about ruined orgasms and have experienced them.But there is another type.This is when you have been aroused for along time and then need to go to the toilet (usually to pee but sometimes to defecate) and you have the most minutest of orgasms.There is just a faint twinge and spasm with sometimes almost no feeling at all.Out comes a lot of something like a mix between precum and ejaculate.

It makes the next bout of renewed stimulus less pleasurable.Thus I am really loathe to want to go to the toilet during bouts of extended teasing.

devotedlvr - October 10, 2010

Hm, interesting. Thanks for this comment. Yet another reason to “pee before you go.” 🙂


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