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Review: Male Chastity A Guide for Keyholders September 26, 2010

Posted by Dev in Reviews.
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Title: Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders
Author: Lucy Fairbourne
Publisher: Velluminous Press
Length: 93 pages
Format: Print; no ebook
Rating: 4 stars out of 5
Purchased from Amazon. Price: $13.45
I read this slim volume in about an hour and re-read it this morning to write this review. All in all, it’s not a bad book but the fact that it is so short means that some topics do get treated superficially. It is very much directed to the novice keyholder or, as some reviewers have commented, for the “vanilla” wife. The overall tone is reassuring and non-threatening although some inconsistencies keep me from giving it a full five stars.

The book is written by a woman and directed to a female audience. While a man could certainly read it, I think he’d feel like he’s reading about himself, rather than getting practical advice on chastity from the man’s point of view. Even so, I think men seeking info on chastity have other resources available to them; thus, in this way, this book fills a niche.

As I said, the tone is reassuring and non-threatening. The author comments that a woman might have received this book as a gift from her partner/husband; in that scenario she is likely to know little about chastity and the comforting tone will probably help to allay her fears about this new “hobby” or “game” her husband has suddenly become interested in. On the other hand, Fairbourne does not present chastity as a game. She is very serious about why a couple might choose chastity and what they can gain from it. This, unfortunately, may be a deterrent for some women. As I noted in this post the other day, a woman who is presented with chastity as a major lifestyle choice in which her husband will undergo a giant personality change may be very reluctant to learn more. And that’s not such an odd reaction, is it? So in that respect, even though the tone in the book is reassuring, the content is presented in such a serious way that the ultimate goal—to have a woman accept the role of keyholder—may backfire.

Along these same lines, Fairbourne makes it sound like it is very easy to screw up and ruin the chastity experience. For example, if a man is begging and pleading to be unlocked and allowed to orgasm, and the woman (keyholder) gives in to this, then, the woman has “lost control.” She is the one who is supposed to have total charge and if she gives in to whining, then she is not in charge and thus, she is a failure as a keyholder. Sorry—I am a great believer in do-overs. Giving in isn’t giving up, in my opinion. Fairbourne makes it seem very black and white, while I think there are lots of shades of gray.

Fairbourne makes the assumption that all men who desire chastity are submissive and thus, all keyholders must be dominant. If the woman isn’t dominant to begin with, she must find her inner domme. If that inner domme doesn’t exist, then it is likely that chastity isn’t going to work for the couple. Again, I think this is an extreme point of view that I don’t agree with. In my own relationship, Ab and I have come to the realization that we’re both sort of submissive (more submissive than dominant, that’s for sure). That probably explains why I view our chastity experience as a partnership rather than a situation where I am 100% in charge—although I am working harder on being in charge. This also explains why I tend to give in so easily when he asks for the key for cleaning! That aside, I think dominant and submissive can be very loaded words. A man who desires chastity may be submissive but he may not—he may just want to give up some control. I think Fairbourne errs by making the assumption that all men are.

The last point on which I disagree with Fairbourne relates to communication. She writes:

The subject of male chastity might crop up in conversations between you at first (your man might find it particularly interesting)…There’s no need for you to allow this to become an obsession…If necessary, put your foot down and tell him not to mention it anymore unless he has an actual problem to report.

Huh? One of the biggest benefits that I have experienced from chastity (besides an amazing number of great orgasms) is having wonderfully improved communication with my husband. We’ve talked about chastity, ourselves, our marriage, and our relationship. We’ve sorted out problems and issues and come through on the other side. Communication is key to the chastity game. Not talking is akin to “lock him and leave him” at least in my mind. Why would anyone want to do that?

Even with these complaints, it’s not a bad book and useful information is presented in its 93 pages. It’s short length might be a plus for the nervous or intimidated wife since it can be completely read in an hour or two. If you can only afford one book then I’d recommend Sarah Jameson’s Be Careful What You Wish For over this. But if you can afford two, then this wouldn’t be a bad purchase to add to your collection.



1. It’s Here and It’s Locked On! « The Key is on my Nipple Ring - October 1, 2010

[…] was causing his cock to have a natural reaction which wasn’t helping the size issue. LOL. As Lucy Fairbourne pointed out in her keyholder book, if a man gets off on the idea of being locked up, then the […]

2. A Daily Chastity Check-In « The Key is on my Nipple Ring - November 16, 2010

[…] you’ve read Lucy Fairbourne’s book, Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders, you might be saying to me, “Dev, you’ve got it all wrong. Lucy says: The subject of […]

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