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Labor Day and Three Weeks September 6, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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It is Monday, September 6th, Labor Day here in the US.

It is also three weeks to the day since Ab has been in a chastity device, more or less full-time. He’s had brief vacations but no orgasms. I’ve had a bunch but this weekend we’ve slowed down since I’ve been menstruating.

I feel like we’ve turned a corner this weekend. Some of the newness is wearing off—and that’s a good thing. Yes, it was fun to have that high level of excitement and fever pitch of energy flowing through both of us, but that can be exhausting, too. If chastity is supposed to be a long-term game, or even solution (more on that in another post), then we need to be able to settle down and get on with our lives. It is impossible to sustain that level of energy long-term.

Thinking back on these three weeks, Ab has taken quite well to chastity—remember, it was my idea at first. He seems to like wearing the device—or at least he doesn’t mind wearing it—now that he’s in the more comfortable and better fitting CB.

One disadvantage of the CB over the Birdcage—he wants to take it off daily to bathe and clean the device. He didn’t have the same problem with the Birdcage since it was so open. While I don’t have a problem with the cleaning, I do have an issue with the key. He gets home from work before me. His usual routine is to shower, then take a nap, then start getting dinner ready and so on—which is about the time I arrive home. Mondays and Thursdays I am home even later (around 9 pm). So, what to do about the key? If he knows where the spare is so he can use it, then I am giving up part of my control of being the keyholder. On the other hand, if he wants to clean it daily (and other men have written me that they do, too, so he is not alone in this respect), then I am not sure it is reasonable to ask him not to. Or, should I demand that he figures out how to clean it while he is wearing it? Other men tell they do this, with power showers and spray bottles and so on.

Changing my schedule to get home early and always be the one to unlock him is not feasible.

Right now, I am toying with the idea of saying that Monday through Friday he will have access to the key but on the weekends (and holidays, like today) he will need to ask me to be unlocked. Maybe this is a way of reinforcing that he is being given limited permission during the week and that he is on the honor system to only remove for cleaning: no self-stimulation is allowed. On the weekends, he will have no access to the spare key, which will be a reminder of where the limits and boundaries are during the week.

I am still thinking this through so comments and thoughts are welcome.

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Comments»

1. carl - September 6, 2010

My wife has had me in the CB-6000s pretty much full time for the last eighteen months. After an introductory period of a couple of weeks, I was no longer allowed to have any access to the key. About once a week or so she unlocks it and allows me to shower without it. In between, she expect me to keep myself clean using swabs, wash bottles, etc. It works out reasonably well.

2. mikecb - September 6, 2010

I wear a cb3k. In the past, my rule of thumb was about 3 days before it got gamey to the point that I’d feel strongly I needed to remove it. I’ve recently modified the device (made it shorter) and I secure it with a PA piercing. I’m trying, now, to extend the period I can go between removals. I’ve been in it for 6 days now, and I’m doing OK with hygiene. I use a removable showerhead. I make sure to lather up everything excessively, and scrub around as much as I can, then blast it with water. Then repeat. After showering, I take Q-tips, and stuff them in the nooks and crannies and wipe things down. Though time consuming, I think this method should allow me to go 7 or more days between removals.

I’d suggest you put the problem to your husband to work harder. I would think 3 days is a minimum, if he’s making any effort at all.

mikecb

3. devotedlvr - September 6, 2010

Thanks, Carl and Mike, for your comments. I appreciate it!

Ab and I just talked about this at lunch. We agreed, for this week at least, that he can have access to the key for bathing purposes only. No self-stimulation and it has to be back on within an hour. He kiddingly suggested that maybe he should send me iPhone pictures to document when it is off and back on; I might actually ask him to do that (on a random basis). As you said, Carl, you had an introductory period of a few weeks and Ab is still new to the CB. So we are working on making this work. I did say that if I felt he wasn’t living up to his end of the agreement, I’d be sending him off to the hardware store for a new, detachable shower head and he’d never know where the key was after that.

D

4. Atone - September 6, 2010

I think this ties in with the discussion we had about tease and denial vs. just denial. I don’t understand all the taking off and on that some people do. To me (and I am not suggesting anyone else should feel this way) it should be put on and left on without any removal except for the pleasure of my wife. In other words my normal ‘life’, hence the lifestyle, is to have it on. That means while sleeping, working, bathing, exercising, pretty much anything I do in life. I am still working on the perfect setup but I am getting very close. I would like to get to the point that most of the time I don’t even think about the fact that I have it on. I am already getting close to that. Sure there is a little discomfort from time to time and I need to shift something around. At first this was a complete reminder that I was wearing a chastity device and I would think about it and even get a bit horny. Now it is more like when you just need to adjust your underwear, tuck in your shirt, or pull up your socks. I don’t really think about it, just adjust and go on. I have more on this but I seem to be going a bit off topic.

-A

5. devotedlvr - September 6, 2010

Hi Atone,

I don’t think you are going off topic. Thanks for your comment!

I would like Ab to get to the point you are describing–his normal life is to be wearing it and it only comes off when I say so. But, he’s still adjusting to the new CB (just one week with that). Plus, as I have mentioned in other messages, it’s been terribly hot the past 10 days (cooling down now, thankfully) and he has a hot and sweaty job. So if he feels like he needs to take it off to clean himself, I don’t want to come across as a screaming harpy about hygiene.

Also, I keep it in the forefront of my mind that this was *my* idea. I don’t want to push him too hard that he gets to a point where he rebels and says, “Sorry, game over, I don’t want to play anymore.” I’ve read plenty of posts where men wish their wives would be more into chastity with them, would push them more, etc., and others where the wives are slowly coming around. I feel like I am a bit in the same situation, only the roles are reversed.

D

6. Billus - September 6, 2010

The big difference between you and a lot of situations where the man initiates being in chastity is that you and Ab seem to have a very good level of communication. A lot of the men you’ve referred to think their wives/girlfriends are mind readers.

As far as hygiene, the CBs do tend to get grimy inside. As he’s new to it, I would certainly cut him some slack. A lot of us would like to be 24/7 like Atone, but it’s a really difficult mountain to climb.

7. devotedlvr - September 6, 2010

Thanks for your comment, Billus, and the reassurance on cutting him some slack! I really do want to keep the control in my hands but at the same time, let him do what he needs to do in the shower. He does shave his pubes (and has for years) and I can see how that might be difficult with a hunk of plastic in the way. Anyway, this week he’ll have access to the key on Tue, Wed, and Thur. Fri, Sat, and Sun, I am in charge. We’ll discuss next week on Sunday, like we did today. He may have a whole different view on the cleanliness thing by then or who knows, he may have headed off to Lowe’s and gotten himself a handheld shower. I am getting the sense that putting it on and off is annoying, too, since he usually pinches his skin when he puts it back on.

D

8. kelmag - September 6, 2010

I am one of those who removes it daily for a shower and thorough cleaning. However, I always see my wife first to get the key so she knows it’s coming off. In 15 minutes, when I’m done, I return the key. We have a spare key that we keep in a sealed, small, coin envelope with her signature across the seal and scotch tape over the signature. If I must use that key for an emergency of some type, she will know it (of course, I will tell her before she finds it and explain why I needed it).
As for your situation, I would suggest Ab shower when he returns from work with the device on. Take his nap as usual; and then see you for the key whenever you get home so he can shower with it off and clean it thoroughly. You might try using the sealed envelope thing so he can keep a key with him at all times but never have access to it without your knowledge. Anyway, that’s my two cents.
kelmag

9. devotedlvr - September 6, 2010

Hi Kelmag,

Thanks for your 2cents. I appreciate your chiming in!

I am probably not going to talk him into two showers…LOL. But what I am thinking (at this minute, always subject to change) is that after this week, he has access on Mon and Thur (my late nights) and the other nights, he either has to make do or wait for me. We’ll see. Another idea (borrowed from another forum) is to get one of those real estate agent lockboxes. Some days he might know the combo and other days he might *think* he knows the combo (insert evil laugh) but I have changed it. This really is what makes it a game and lots of fun!

D

10. atone - September 6, 2010

Dev, Trust me, I am still getting to that point of this just being my lifestyle. I will say I have made great progress. Part of that is also just desire and will on my part to make it happen and figure out a way.

Billus, thanks for the nice comments. I am at 24/7 but there have been quite a few times where something needed to be removed for at least a couple of minutes to change out a ring or something. Also, during the first lockup I had three T&D sessions. I don’t know if you have seen the discussion about not doing that any more but it is a possibility for this cycle. And, it hasn’t come cheap, although I will say I seem to have had a much easier time than most describe. I started with an overpriced CB-3000 from a fairly local retail shop. Within about two weeks I ordered my first mature metal jailbird with extra rings (thank goodness) and the anti-pullout and spike strips (a little shorter than the cb3000). Then within about two weeks of that I ordered another even smaller jailbird that I am stilling getting used to now. Almost forgot, back in the plastic days I ordered solid rings for the CB and the KSD anti pullout. It was very expensive but there is nothing quite like a custom fitted device, even if it does take trial and error to get there. I am used to paying for custom made products in other areas of my life though so this is natural for me.

kelmag, I do carry an emergency key in much the same way you describe. It’s funny when I think about it in the context of the above paragraph but I was too cheap to buy a box of 1000 coin envelopes for 12 bucks when I only needed 1 (hopefully). We just put the key in a tiny plastic bag and sandwiched that between two shipping labels cut down to size. Put a signature on it and it is just as effective (and custom fit for my wallet).

When I was wearing the CB3000 I actually preferred to use the wash bottle with the narrow tip. I put a little body wash and water in it. It seemed to work ok and was easier for me than taking it off to bath. I did still take that off after a week for a thorough washing. I don’t think I will need to do that with the jailbird. I have worn that as long as 18 days without removing it to shower. It was removed twice during that period for a T&D session but was put right back on before showering.

This has been quite a ride, thank you all for all the help, support, ideas etc… I could have never done this with out it.

-A

11. devotedlvr - September 6, 2010

Hi Atone, thanks again for your comments. Yes, a lifestyle–I keep reminding myself that Rome wasn’t built in a day. LOL.

He came to me about 45 minutes ago and asked me to take the lock off so he could shower. At first I said no and he rolled his eyes…we played that game for 30 seconds or so but then I pulled out the key (not so hard, we all know where it is. 🙂 ). Okay, so now, he hasn’t come back and asked me to lock up him. But meanwhile, he’s in there cooking a lovely dinner for us while I get to play around on the Internet. I really don’t think he’s rubbing one out next to the refrigerator—he has (we have) practiced a form of chastity and orgasm denial for quite awhile before buying a CB. On the other hand. *I* like him locked up.

I do have to keep reminding myself that this is a game, the rules are fluid and we have to make it work for us. At the same time, I *really* appreciate everyone’s feedback!

D

12. Lega - September 6, 2010

I like the way you and your husband are going into chastity. I and my husband have started this way too. But slowly I was going hard on him, making things more difficult and challenging. We started with him in a honor system, but then he said that using a chastity device would improve the game and make it better, so we bought the CB-6000. At first he took it out to clean everyday too, but slowly I made him only get out every 2 days, then 3, and now he needs to be locked for 7 days before I let him go out for cleaning and I stay with him while he showers. When I asked him if I was going to hard he said he likes it and it’s important to make it challenging, he said he likes to feel like he lost control. So, my advice is to not worry about being a litle cruel. He is not making a favor using the device for you, he is getting excited about it too.

13. Lega - September 7, 2010

I forgot to mention, but in our case, I was the one who started the chastity thing too.

14. devotedlvr - September 7, 2010

Thanks for your comment, lego, and explaining how you do things. This helps. Also, glad to have another woman initiator chime in — I suspect there are more of us out there than anyone realizes.

D

15. atone - September 7, 2010

Lega, I like how you put this, I can relate. “When I asked him if I was going to hard he said he likes it and it’s important to make it challenging, he said he likes to feel like he lost control.”

-A


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