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I Had To Bite My Tongue… September 2, 2010

Posted by Dev in Musings.
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I was at work the other day—it was Monday and a colleague was complaining about her weekend. A typical conversation, it went something like this:

“So, it all started on Friday. I had to work in the garden and it was blazing hot, but you know, those weeds aren’t going to pull themselves! Then, on Saturday, Fred’s daughter was coming over for supper, so I had to do the grocery shopping and plan a meal—including making dessert because it’s not a party without dessert, according to Fred. I also had to clean the pool in case we all decided we wanted a swim before dinner. Then Sunday was more of the same—laundry, cleaning, back in the garden. I did manage to find an hour or so to relax by the pool and read….Sunday night, Fred came to bed feeling all amorous and I just pushed him away. ‘No sex for you, buddy,’ I said. ‘I’ve been working all weekend and you’ve done squat.'”

Sigh.

Too bad a person can’t bring up male chastity in a day-to-day conversation. I so wanted to say, “Y’know, I have a suggestion…might seem a little out there but I can give you links that clearly document that you could have a surefire way to get Fred to help with all those millions of chores you had to do. On top of that, you would have been feeling up to his amorous advances when he crawled into bed on Sunday night (and probably Friday and Saturday, too…).”

But, alas, if I said male chastity she’d probably think I was fucking nuts or a sex pervert or worse. Given that we have to work together on a daily basis, I need to keep my mouth shut and thus, I had to bite my tongue. Oh well, her loss and my gain.

* * * *

I am fortunate in that Ab was already doing a ton of work around the house (and beyond) and I wasn’t expecting any dramatic changes in that respect. What I am noticing, and appreciating (so very much) are the little kindnesses that are popping up. For example: we both brown bag our lunch every day. Usually, we have leftovers from dinner, neatly packed in a Tupperware and ready to be heated in the microwave. The other night, Ab had made a very tasty haddock dinner. He knows I don’t  like leftover fish heated up so no leftovers for Dev. Or at least, that would be the usual routine. But on this day, it turned out that on his way home from work, he stopped at the gourmet food store to get some nice cheese and bread; remembering the upcoming dinner menu, he also bought me a panini sandwich to have for my lunch. I was totally surprised (this is truly a first) and overwhelmingly touched by the gesture. You can believe that he got thanked profusely, too. 😉

I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me tonight…but right now, I am going to go eat my lunch.

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Comments»

1. Tom Allen - September 2, 2010

Dev, I have to pick a nit here. It sounds like your friend and her hubby don’t get along all that well, perhaps because he’s a bit lazy, or perhaps because he works 60 hours a week and isn’t home to help as much as she’d like.

But slapping a hunk of steel on his junk won’t automagically make me happy to help out. They need to communicate and compromise, that is, fix their relationship before adding a sex game to the mix.

The other day, Mrs. Edge was telling her friends that she sleeps late and her coffee “just appears out of nowhere” when she gets out of the shower. That doesn’t happen from locking me up, it happens because I’m a nice guy.

Well, okay, I like to get up an hour earlier to exercise, and I set the coffee to be ready when I’m done. But still… :-\

2. devotedlvr - September 2, 2010

Point well taken, Tom, and I agree. The point I was trying to make is that many women—this friend is just one example—seem to have this problem in their lives. They work hard all week at a job and then the weekend comes and they work hard for another 2-3 days doing all this household stuff.

They say they are talking to their men, expressing their frustration—but nothing changes. I think the problem is that they are having the exact same conversation, over and over again. No wonder nothing changes. It falls on deaf ears.

But what if the woman changes the conversation completely and doesn’t even make it about the household chores. Instead, say, “Honey, I heard about this kinky fun sex toy and game we could play…want to give it a try?”. Keep it in the realm of sex and fun. From what I have read, most open-minded men would be interested in the idea (and in fact, may have had it as their own secret fantasy for years). So, the guy goes along with it, and before long (if you believe what Sarah has written in her book and what is posted on various other blogs and forums), you have a man who is both panting after you with sexual desire AND doing more to help around the house.

The problem is, most women have never ever even heard of male chastity, so they don’t know to even bring it up (the old problem of “You don’t know what you don’t know.”). I only found out about it because I read kinky erotica stories and found something in one that I wanted to put into practice.

Taking this a step further—if you saw me, you wouldn’t think I have pierced nipples (one of which has a key hanging off the ring) or read kinky erotica. Most people freak when they get a glimpse of my tattoo. “YOU have a tattoo??!!!” So just think how great it would be if I could say, “You know me, I’m just an ordinary person who is working hard at her day job, working to put her kids through college….but let me tell you, I have a little secret that might help you spice up your sex life…and beyond….”

But, alas, I must bite my tongue.

D

3. From the Mailbag: I « The Key is on my Nipple Ring - September 4, 2010

[…] deep and personal feelings. This is a good thing. It is also the point I was trying to make in my “I Had To Bite My Tongue” post from the other day. I think it is easy for couples to get into a communication rut. Sometimes, […]

4. From the Mailbag: III « The Key is on my Nipple Ring - October 10, 2010

[…] think back to this blog post from a couple of weeks ago: my friend’s husband wasn’t necessarily looking for sex. He […]

5. J Random reader - November 28, 2010

Folks just don’t give each other advice on their marriage, do they now? and at work, can you really open up about something like that? Getting a beer after work or going out to lunch maybe you might talk openly. And if anyone can do it I bet Dev can.

Something for the forum. How do you describe a sex life that has more foreplay and more orgasms for the woman? The misses and me do what it is we do without hardware. So I don’t have anything to say about introducing hardware so it is the woman’s choice. But from what I’ve read, you still let him out, use him, and lock him back up anyway.

6. devotedlvr - November 29, 2010

You are right, J, we don’t talk about things like this at work–or even over a few beers. Which is a shame. I think we all have a tremendous amount of information that would be helpful to others, if only we had a way to share it.

D

Tom Allen - November 29, 2010

I had a group of friends in college (men and women), and we’d regularly have a few beers and talk sex. Well, for a while we did, but eventually I had to stop because my then-gf and I used to freak them out a bit.


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